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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

H has taken to his bed following 2nd vaccine

185 replies

thejollysnake · 10/08/2021 10:59

let me preface this by saying that i know vaccine side effects can be crap. i had my 2nd vaccine a couple of weeks ago and i had fever, sleeplessness, nausea and body aches that lasted about 3 days. however i have a 5yo dc and am working from home, and the world didnt stop for me feeling crappy; i was playing playmobil princesses at my absolute worst and i didnt call in sick. not a stealth brag about how great i am, just a case of, it's shit but i can work from the sofa/bed if it gets really bad, and dc has needs. the world doesn't stop. H did not facilitate me feeling crappy, the house was a tip, dc at a loose end and he continued to work as normal (as he should do).

H on the other hand had his vaccine yesterday morning and has been in bed since. i've done a food shop, cooked all meals for us and dc, cleaned, laundry and basically flown solo. i'm also trying to work with most of my team on leave. even when dc was tired and didnt want to go out to the supermarket with me yesterday afternoon H said she had to go as he was sick (he wouldnt even come to sit on the sofa while she watched tv); i took her with me despite the protests which made the food shopping much harder. a day later he's still in bed now, is giving one word answers to me and dc if we come in as he's "really ill", and yet he's just bloody tried to start an argument with me because he says i "ignore him" when he's ill.

i haven't complained to him about staying in bed, at all. i've been in and out offering food/painkillers every so often, i brought him coffee this morning, i've picked up all the slack around the house and with dc, within reason i am ok to do this and let him recover but i'm not a florence nightingale who is going to wait on him in his sick bed, yet apparently i'm "ignoring him"? he's a generally healthy adult and i'm not his mother. i told him i'm just getting on with things and letting him rest.

i also kind of knew this would happen as when he gets sick at all he tends to drop everything and take to his bed, he even said at the weekend BEFORE his vaccine "i know i'm going to get really ill" so i feel like he was always going to do this. he's just been in bed on his phone for 2 days.

this is a vaccine millions have had, and he is an adult with a wife and a young dc on school summer holiday. if everybody in that position took to their beds after the vaccine (he hasnt even taken any paracetamol!!!) what would we do?

please tell me IANBU!!

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 11:01

Well good for you!

I woke up at 2am after vaccine 2 with severe flu like symptoms and I couldn't get off the sofa until about 2pm. I wasn't faking it or malingering.

ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 11:03

I felt like hell for another 3 days after but managed to get up and walk around after about 18 hours.

What would we do if we all took to our beds in your circumstances. Have a caring partner and realise it isn't a big deal.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 10/08/2021 11:03

So he pre booked himself a weekend off effectively??. I was double jabbed and got Covid and still had to manage dc... Men have it so easy at times ime...

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/08/2021 11:03

I felt absolutely shocking and was grateful I didn't have young kids to look after.

CoastalSwimmer · 10/08/2021 11:05

I took to my bed after the vaccine too!
Luckily OH was very understanding and took over for a day and a half.

MrsBumm · 10/08/2021 11:05

if he's not taken paracetamol I call bullshit

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 11:06

Sorry but I think YABU.
Side effects are different by person, so you can’t compare your experience to his for one. He may be feeling as sick if not sicker than you did.
Secondly, your attitude to keep working and doing it all even though you feel really ill is actually a very unhealthy attitude to have. You should have gone to bed yourself, not been a martyr. You have to have something in place for child care and housework when you are ill...you need to tell your partner to pick up the slack and go to bed. Arguing that he needs to be like you is totally unreasonable. You need to be more like him and rest when sick.

The same for your DC and school, don’t be that parent that sends a sick child to school....

ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 11:06

@MrsBumm

if he's not taken paracetamol I call bullshit
I didn't take it...I was still very unwell.
Theredjellybean · 10/08/2021 11:07

He hasn't taken paracetamol.... At that point all sympathy stops.
If he was trying to self care with paracetamol, fluids etc, I'd be sympathetic. But I see red when people effectively want to be ill...
I'd go in and say calmly that you understand he feels rotten, here is his paracetamol, here is his fluids. If he takes them he will feel better but it's OK to take a rest day.
If he chooses not to help himself in any way then you won't be providing any more nursing services, as you have work and dc to look after.
Then leave, shut door and get on with your day

greensnail · 10/08/2021 11:07

Why has he not taken any paracetamol, he might feel well enough to get out of bed if he took some. I wouldn't have any sympathy if he wasn't willing to help himself.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 11:07

@MrsBumm

if he's not taken paracetamol I call bullshit
Why? Not everyone is happy to take drugs for something they know is not an illness and will pass with rest. Doesn’t mean they don’t feel unwell.
Soubriquet · 10/08/2021 11:08

For goodness sake @ActonSquirrel she isn’t saying he’s not ill but he’s making it out he’s seriously ill, whilst the OP is running around doing everything. He then has the gall to say she isn’t paying any attention to him.

He’s refused to take painkillers and has even prebooked being ill

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 10/08/2021 11:08

I'm with you OP!! I posted a few weeks ago as my DP did exactly this after having a tooth out and I got shot down too, men have it so fucking easy. It doesn't even occur to them that they might have to just carry on and muddle through, it's all 'woe is me'.

campion · 10/08/2021 11:09

Look up Nocebo effect, OP, and see if you think it fits.

He'd be getting scant sympathy from me for going to bed for 2 days yet refusing to even take paracetamol.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/08/2021 11:11

Well, you might have been rightly called a miserable bitch if it weren't for the fact that he has chosen to wallow in it rather than take the most basic of precautions, a fucking paracetomol!

That is pathetic, deliberately so.

Tell him he either needs to grow up and start adulting or go to hospital as he is obviously so very, very ill.

AramintaLee · 10/08/2021 11:11

I ended up in A&E after my 2nd vaccine and I had a feeling I was going to react badly as I had an awful reaction to my first jab. I think you're being a little unfair because everyone reacts differently and has different tolerances.

He is a bit of a shit for not picking up the slack when you were unwell, but maybe because you picked yourself up and got on with things... he didn't think you were that bad? Maybe soldiering on isn't always for the best.

JustJoinedRightNow · 10/08/2021 11:12

Sorry OP but the way i felt for three days after my second jab, I couldn’t get up, so I think YABU. It affects people differently so just because you were able to get on with things doesn’t mean he is able to.

GingerBreadTeddy · 10/08/2021 11:12

I’ve not been bedridden, but was ill for 3 weeks after mine

TheNinny · 10/08/2021 11:12

If he has no reason to not take paracetamol then he is being unreasonable. Even if he feels unwell, he can at least attempt to feel better by taking it and be able to assist with some things. If he still feels ill on taking it, then at least he tried 🙄

Gliblet · 10/08/2021 11:12

Well, I suppose you could start paying attention to him...

poke
Are you better yet?
poke
Are you better yet?
poke
I'm off to do the shopping because SOMEONE NEEDS TO...
poke
I've done the washing up
poke
And the ironing
poke
Are you better yet?

See which version he prefers?

I know what you mean about the planned side effects. DH was reading through the leaflet about side effects saying things like 'Ooh, apparently in about 3 hours I should start to feel really tired...' which to me seems like shopping for symptoms. At least he doesn't whine when I leave him to malinger in peace, although I suspect that's because in the past the extent of my sympathy has been the offer of hiring professional mourners, Roman-style, to do all the wailing and give me time to keep fetching him soup or poached eggs on toast on demand Grin

ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 11:12

@Soubriquet

For goodness sake *@ActonSquirrel* she isn’t saying he’s not ill but he’s making it out he’s seriously ill, whilst the OP is running around doing everything. He then has the gall to say she isn’t paying any attention to him.

He’s refused to take painkillers and has even prebooked being ill

That was the most ill I've felt for a very long time. I was shocked by how bad it was.

Painkillers didn't touch most of it when Idid take some eventually.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 10/08/2021 11:12

@Soubriquet

For goodness sake *@ActonSquirrel* she isn’t saying he’s not ill but he’s making it out he’s seriously ill, whilst the OP is running around doing everything. He then has the gall to say she isn’t paying any attention to him.

He’s refused to take painkillers and has even prebooked being ill

This. Sounds like she got fuck all help from him when she was ill and she had to do everything still.
Brefugee · 10/08/2021 11:13

If you were feeling too ill to manage you should have taken yourself to bed and let him manage. Just because he's not playing the martyr doesn't make him bad.

You know for next time you're ill what to do.

shouldistop · 10/08/2021 11:13

If my dh was in bed unwell for over a day then I'd be genuinely worried but he doesn't have form for being a lazy malingerer.
It sounds like you suspect he's using the vaccine as an excuse to laze about which is really not good.

ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 11:13

So why doesn't the OP just leave it all waiting for him to recover. The bins and his chores can wait.