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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H has taken to his bed following 2nd vaccine

185 replies

thejollysnake · 10/08/2021 10:59

let me preface this by saying that i know vaccine side effects can be crap. i had my 2nd vaccine a couple of weeks ago and i had fever, sleeplessness, nausea and body aches that lasted about 3 days. however i have a 5yo dc and am working from home, and the world didnt stop for me feeling crappy; i was playing playmobil princesses at my absolute worst and i didnt call in sick. not a stealth brag about how great i am, just a case of, it's shit but i can work from the sofa/bed if it gets really bad, and dc has needs. the world doesn't stop. H did not facilitate me feeling crappy, the house was a tip, dc at a loose end and he continued to work as normal (as he should do).

H on the other hand had his vaccine yesterday morning and has been in bed since. i've done a food shop, cooked all meals for us and dc, cleaned, laundry and basically flown solo. i'm also trying to work with most of my team on leave. even when dc was tired and didnt want to go out to the supermarket with me yesterday afternoon H said she had to go as he was sick (he wouldnt even come to sit on the sofa while she watched tv); i took her with me despite the protests which made the food shopping much harder. a day later he's still in bed now, is giving one word answers to me and dc if we come in as he's "really ill", and yet he's just bloody tried to start an argument with me because he says i "ignore him" when he's ill.

i haven't complained to him about staying in bed, at all. i've been in and out offering food/painkillers every so often, i brought him coffee this morning, i've picked up all the slack around the house and with dc, within reason i am ok to do this and let him recover but i'm not a florence nightingale who is going to wait on him in his sick bed, yet apparently i'm "ignoring him"? he's a generally healthy adult and i'm not his mother. i told him i'm just getting on with things and letting him rest.

i also kind of knew this would happen as when he gets sick at all he tends to drop everything and take to his bed, he even said at the weekend BEFORE his vaccine "i know i'm going to get really ill" so i feel like he was always going to do this. he's just been in bed on his phone for 2 days.

this is a vaccine millions have had, and he is an adult with a wife and a young dc on school summer holiday. if everybody in that position took to their beds after the vaccine (he hasnt even taken any paracetamol!!!) what would we do?

please tell me IANBU!!

OP posts:
VividGemini · 10/08/2021 11:37

@PlanDeRaccordement

It's recommended to take paracetamol before the jab, and after to combat side effects. Paracetamol isn't a cure, no, but it's very good in the management of fever, pain and headache. This is exactly the kind of situation for paracetamol.

Gingersay · 10/08/2021 11:39

I get how you feel not with DH but with my team members at work. I had a few members each took over a week off with side effects funny enough I could have told you that they would have had worse side effects than the rest before this all started. Whether or not they were genuine I still found it difficult to sympathise.

shouldistop · 10/08/2021 11:41

OP should do everything because he is unwell and paracetamol is not going to cure him as it’s a vaccine side effect not a fucking mild head ache.

I had vaccine side effects. I took paracetamol as suggested by the nurse and guess what? It made me feel well enough to get on with looking after my 2 children.

Redlorryellow · 10/08/2021 11:42

@MyDcAreMarvel we don’t have a car, the supermarket is a walk or infrequent bus there and back, we had nothing in the house and dc was tired (as I think I already said). Dragging a cranky 5yo dc on this expedition should have been avoidable imo. He could’ve just sat on the sofa with her.

gooseygoosey12345 · 10/08/2021 11:45

I'll never understand why some men continue to behave like children into adulthood and expect their wife to become their mother. If you enable the behaviour it will just continue. Stop offering him drinks and painkillers, he can make it to the kitchen if he's well enough to try and start an argument!

FreeBritnee · 10/08/2021 11:45

My litmus test for illness is are they still scrolling on their phone or is the phone off and on the side and they are genuinely sleeping?

RedHelenB · 10/08/2021 11:46

How old are the children? I'd have gone to the shops without them and dumped them in the bedroom with toys if they were very tiny or just left them downstairs aged 4+ in front of the telly.

Whatwouldscullydo · 10/08/2021 11:47

My litmus test for illness is are they still scrolling on their phone or is the phone off and on the side and they are genuinely sleeping?

Oh but that's different 🙄🤔

Its the sheer fact that they even think its an option to just check out whenever they need to that's the real issue.

Mum's never have that do they...

stepupandbecounted · 10/08/2021 11:47

I was ill, and did go to bed (and have two dc) and could not even go to the loo without feeling wretched. I think you are being unkind.

If he has form for being lazy tackle that once he is better, but for now I would take him at his word. Contempt will ruin your relationships, surely better to address your issues when you are both well.

stepupandbecounted · 10/08/2021 11:48

My litmus test for illness is are they still scrolling on their phone or is the phone off and on the side and they are genuinely sleeping?

I scrolled through religiously after two major operations, and one that was life threatening. Not all illnesses are the same. I found it helped distract me from the pain I was in.

LemonFantaGin · 10/08/2021 11:48

I also had a horrible reaction to the 2nd vaccine, was up most of the night ill, I dragged my butt to work though, or I don't get paid, if I had been at home, I would 100% have been in be all day!

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 10/08/2021 11:49

It doesn’t sound like you like him very much. If he’s a lazy arse, that may be deserved but it doesn’t sound very promising for the future.

icedcoffees · 10/08/2021 11:50

@doesanyonewantthis

I was ill and did not take any painkillers. You're not supposed to. They can suppress your immune response.

Next time that you're sick OP, don't martyr yourself.

Nonsense.

It's standard advice is to take paracetamol afterwards if you feel unwell. I was told this by the people checking me in AND by the nurse who gave me my jabs.

54321nought · 10/08/2021 11:52

you having mild symptoms after the vaccine doesn't mean your H doesn't have serious ones

saraclara · 10/08/2021 11:52

I'm not defending him as it seems that he has form. But genuinely, no way could I have been playing Playmobile princesses when my side effects hit.

I've been living alone for eight years, but it was the only time that I've ever felt scared that there was no-one else in the house with me. Because it was the most ill that I can remember feeling and there was no-one I could call on, or that if it got any worse, could get help for me.
(This was also before side effects were being talked about, as I was relatively early to get the vaccination - so I didn't really know what was happening to me)

So yes, this can happen. Though it does seem that your DH was planning for this.

Sillysuzie · 10/08/2021 11:52

I literally couldn't move after mine I was in so much pain. I was jabbed at 2pm, thought I was fine, went to bed, woke at 3 in agony and I couldn't move to get painkillers. Tried to wake hubby but I had hardly any energy so couldn't, I kept dosing off and waking up. He eventually woke around 5 and I asked for painkillers then. They took the edge off, and we did the school run together and then I went back to bed and slept all day, only waking for painkillers. Even needed help to the toilet.
Next day I woke up fine but it really does affect everyone differently. Hubby had a sore arm, that's it, and he's the sort who acts like hes dying when he gets a cold. Whereas I'm the one who usually just gets on with it no matter what wrong.

FreeBritnee · 10/08/2021 11:52

@Whatwouldscullydo

My litmus test for illness is are they still scrolling on their phone or is the phone off and on the side and they are genuinely sleeping?

Oh but that's different 🙄🤔

Its the sheer fact that they even think its an option to just check out whenever they need to that's the real issue.

Mum's never have that do they...

I get you and for the most part you’re correct. But I remember being genuinely ill with flu six/seven years ago and I could not function whatsoever. I honestly thought I was going to die. So if DP had decided to fuck off to work the baby would have had zero care all day.

So there are times when people are sick enough to not even function with their Martyr hat on. Hence my phone litmus test. If he’s on the phone he needs to be out the bed. When you’re sick you’re not scrolling Twitter.

Askingforfriend · 10/08/2021 11:53

DH felt like complete crap. No malingering, he was genuinely unwell with it. He had a fever and looked grey and was shivering.

I felt much better, I just had a dead arm which messed with my sleep and just felt a little off color.

OP, you should have had someone look after your kid and you should have called in sick. There is no glory working when you should be trying to get well.

Sometimes when I am sick I want to be left alone to sleep. Sometimes I feel like crap and want to be more actively looked after. DH will come and watch TV with me and cuddle if I want company and he is free. Sometimes when you are poorly you want some comfort from your partner.

gannett · 10/08/2021 11:53

I know plenty of people who were bedridden the day after a vaccine shot. And some who just felt a bit off and some who felt nothing. Just because you didn't feel bad enough to take to your bed doesn't mean he doesn't.

Not nice to assume your partner is faking illness tbh. If his laziness is part of a larger picture address that, don't accuse him of lying.

Most people I know planned ahead for their vaccinations because the risk of being bedridden was obvious. I arranged very light work that I could do from bed if necessary - DP had had his shots before me and was completely laid low (which was very out of character). I didn't get a single bloody side effect!!

Coyoacan · 10/08/2021 11:54

It is impossible to compare levels of pain and misery, though. Your husband probably is a malinger, but I could just as easily say that you are a whinge because neither I nor any of my friends had ANY side-effects from the vaccine

gannett · 10/08/2021 11:55

Oh and paracetamol did fuck all to help DP, it's not exactly a miracle cure.

Nat6999 · 10/08/2021 11:56

I felt pretty crap after my AZ vaccination bearing in mind I have ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia but I didn't take to my bed, I just took painkillers & lots of fluids. The first one was the worst, I had very few symptoms with the second one. If you think he is feeling sorry for himself, give him a kick up the bum.

Askingforfriend · 10/08/2021 11:56

Oh and I the water I drink while taking the paracetamol has more effect than it does. It does nothing for me whatsoever.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/08/2021 11:57

@gannett

Oh and paracetamol did fuck all to help DP, it's not exactly a miracle cure.
The point is that it is a start and might make enough difference. Adults, especially when parents, do have to make better judgement calls than OPs OH seems to have chosen!
MauveMagnolia · 10/08/2021 11:59

I couldn't get out of bed on day 1 after vaccine- took 2 hours just stand up. Then had a complex range of symptoms- a 1% reaction the hospital said

Look out for any rashes on his torso and go immediately to a& e

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