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AIBU?

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Original poster

H has taken to his bed following 2nd vaccine

185 replies

thejollysnake · 10/08/2021 10:59

let me preface this by saying that i know vaccine side effects can be crap. i had my 2nd vaccine a couple of weeks ago and i had fever, sleeplessness, nausea and body aches that lasted about 3 days. however i have a 5yo dc and am working from home, and the world didnt stop for me feeling crappy; i was playing playmobil princesses at my absolute worst and i didnt call in sick. not a stealth brag about how great i am, just a case of, it's shit but i can work from the sofa/bed if it gets really bad, and dc has needs. the world doesn't stop. H did not facilitate me feeling crappy, the house was a tip, dc at a loose end and he continued to work as normal (as he should do).

H on the other hand had his vaccine yesterday morning and has been in bed since. i've done a food shop, cooked all meals for us and dc, cleaned, laundry and basically flown solo. i'm also trying to work with most of my team on leave. even when dc was tired and didnt want to go out to the supermarket with me yesterday afternoon H said she had to go as he was sick (he wouldnt even come to sit on the sofa while she watched tv); i took her with me despite the protests which made the food shopping much harder. a day later he's still in bed now, is giving one word answers to me and dc if we come in as he's "really ill", and yet he's just bloody tried to start an argument with me because he says i "ignore him" when he's ill.

i haven't complained to him about staying in bed, at all. i've been in and out offering food/painkillers every so often, i brought him coffee this morning, i've picked up all the slack around the house and with dc, within reason i am ok to do this and let him recover but i'm not a florence nightingale who is going to wait on him in his sick bed, yet apparently i'm "ignoring him"? he's a generally healthy adult and i'm not his mother. i told him i'm just getting on with things and letting him rest.

i also kind of knew this would happen as when he gets sick at all he tends to drop everything and take to his bed, he even said at the weekend BEFORE his vaccine "i know i'm going to get really ill" so i feel like he was always going to do this. he's just been in bed on his phone for 2 days.

this is a vaccine millions have had, and he is an adult with a wife and a young dc on school summer holiday. if everybody in that position took to their beds after the vaccine (he hasnt even taken any paracetamol!!!) what would we do?

please tell me IANBU!!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 10/08/2021 11:14

DH had an awful reaction to his 2nd Moderna - known to be bad particularly when you have had COVID (he has). In fact he will tell anyone who will listen that for him his vaccine reaction was far worse than COVID!

For me actually it wasnt as COVID was a nervy time of worrying as to whether it would turn. This was fine as I just left him too it - DS was self isolating anyway so there was nowhere for us to go. That said it was around 8 hours and then he pulled himself together.

WHich is your issue now I think he isnt pulling himself together

peboh · 10/08/2021 11:14

How do you know he doesn't feel worse than you did? You're comparing your side effects, and essentially making yourself sound like a hero and him sound like a villain.

OneTC · 10/08/2021 11:15

the world didnt stop for me feeling crappy

Bravo 👏

Rosebel · 10/08/2021 11:15

I felt bloody horrendous after both my jabs but I had to get on with it especially as my husband was at work and my 1 year old wouldn't have appreciated me staying in bed.
I find it a bit suspicious that he knew he was going to be ill, can't even sit on the sofa but won't take any pain killers.
I'm amazed you haven't just ignored him. My husband was bad the day after his jab but fine by the day after.
Tell him to get on with it or if he's that ill he can call the doctor.

lastcall · 10/08/2021 11:17

He essentially planned to be sick and let you deal with everything, the selfish git. Note the refusal to help himself; can't even do the basics like take paracetamol which is recommended.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/08/2021 11:18

@peboh

How do you know he doesn't feel worse than you did? You're comparing your side effects, and essentially making yourself sound like a hero and him sound like a villain.
Because he has chosen not to even try and alleviate his symptoms and is acting like a pillock!

If he is that il then he needs to be proactive about it.

Even if his side effects are greater than most experience he is malingering, planned to do so and OP is having to deal with the fall out.

Adults don't do that!

Maryann1975 · 10/08/2021 11:20

@PlanDeRaccordement that’s fine if someone doesn’t want to take paracetamol when they are I’ll, but they need to stop going on about how ill they are and get on with life and what needs doing. Why should the OP do everything just because her husband has some kind of objection to basic pain killers?

Dh doesn’t like taking pain killers and gets zero sympathy from me as it could be easily avoided.

doesanyonewantthis · 10/08/2021 11:21

I was ill and did not take any painkillers. You're not supposed to. They can suppress your immune response.

Next time that you're sick OP, don't martyr yourself.

godmum56 · 10/08/2021 11:24

I flaked out for a week after my first adjuvanted flu jab. I am not sure why you are in and out offering stuff though? Set him up with cold drinks, painkillers to take if he wants to and maybe some plain biscuits or a salty snack and let him be. Offer food when you eat, a hot drink when you make one for yourself. I honestly didn't want to be continually checked on and offered stuff, just wanted to lie there and doze. If he gets umpty because you aren't fussing, that will tell you one thing, if he doesn't, that will tell you something else.....but when i was ill after the jab, i certainly would not have been fit to take care of a child.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 11:24

[quote Maryann1975]@PlanDeRaccordement that’s fine if someone doesn’t want to take paracetamol when they are I’ll, but they need to stop going on about how ill they are and get on with life and what needs doing. Why should the OP do everything just because her husband has some kind of objection to basic pain killers?

Dh doesn’t like taking pain killers and gets zero sympathy from me as it could be easily avoided.[/quote]
Paracetamol is not a miracle drug that will magically make him feel all better and able to get on with things.

OP should do everything because he is unwell and paracetamol is not going to cure him as it’s a vaccine side effect not a fucking mild head ache.

OP should have been in bed when she felt unwell instead of being a martyr and now resenting her DH for being sensible. If you’re unwell, stay in bed. Don’t soldier on and hold others to stupid, unhealthy standards.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/08/2021 11:24

I wouldnt be bothered that he had taken to his bed, if he feels ill then it's the right thing to do.

I would be pissed off -
That he hasnt even tried taking paracetamol
That he is complaining of being ignored when you've been bringing him food and drink and picking up everything else at home
That he doesnt pick up the slack when you're in bed ill. What's his excuse for leaving all your share for you to do when you're still recovering?

Bumblenums1234 · 10/08/2021 11:24

After my 2nd vaccine I ended up in bed for about 2 days. I don't think I have ever felt that sick. DP just sorted ds and the house.

godmum56 · 10/08/2021 11:27

oh PS, generally I do react to jabs, somtimes badly (had hundreds in my life) I have got an old frail dog so I do make sure that someone can be around when i go for vaccinations. I don't "plan" to be ill but make sure that if I am then dog will be cared for as i live alone.

Redlorryellow · 10/08/2021 11:27

I think if he hadn’t accused me of ignoring him I wouldn’t be so pissed off. But it just feels like he has zero appreciation that I’ve let him recover and taken everything on. He’s in a mood with me now ….

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 11:28

Lots of people saying that just because he planned ahead just in case that he is definitely faking it. That’s so ridiculous. Don’t we plan ahead for days in bed after any surgery? Its a known risk that people can be very unwell after their vaccine...nothing wrong with being proactive and planning to be able to stay in bed if you happen to feel unwell and being proactive and planning ahead doesn’t mean you are then faking it.

ssd · 10/08/2021 11:28

Christ you're great @thejollysnake

Hope my boys marry someone like you

NOT

Whatwouldscullydo · 10/08/2021 11:28

God my Xp was like this.

Hardly any help or support when I was ill and anything he took on had a "price" like it would just be left for ages or I'd have to drag myself up ajd try and sort it only to be told " I was just about to do that " once I was almost done.

Hes planned being ill. If you are so ill u need to stay in bed fir 2 days but not ill enough to actually try and help yourself by sleeping as opposed to staying up half the night playing computer games, drinking plenty of fluids and laying off the alcohol or taking a paracetamol or 2 then you are probably taking the.piss a bit.

He would always moan at me fir not resting yet never took time off work or changed his plans to help me.

Hes being selfish op hes planned this whole thing

Redlorryellow · 10/08/2021 11:30

@ssd wow … thanks for the input

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/08/2021 11:31

You lost me at the struggle of taking one five year old to the supermarket.

Justcallmebebes · 10/08/2021 11:32

I don't think you're at all unreasonable. He needs to suck it up. Sounds like he's a lazy malingerer.

Next time you get a runny nose, take to your bed for 2 days

SuperstoreFan · 10/08/2021 11:32

I felt horrendous after my first AZ jab and I was in bed for two days, paracetamol didn't touch if so I'm not sure why some posters are touting it as a miracle cure.

It's not his fault that OP was a martyr.

AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 10/08/2021 11:33

I lose all sympathy for men when they don’t take paracetamol. Just…. why HmmConfused

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/08/2021 11:33

@doesanyonewantthis

I was ill and did not take any painkillers. You're not supposed to. They can suppress your immune response.

Next time that you're sick OP, don't martyr yourself.

Bollocks! Painkillers after covid jab are recommended by NHS, WHO etc. Taking them is the first step in ameliorating some on the possible side effects and everyine is told to take them if needed after their jabs.

The science behind 'paracetomol reducing immune system response' is a bastardisation of some good research - that often said the exact opposite but was spun by various health sites and authors.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3088439/

That's one of the more acessible free to read papers.

pneumonia.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s41479-021-00085-8

This is one of the papers the covid specific headlines are based on... and it's colcusions incude the phrase The clinical significance of these findings is questionable and that more research is needed.

So you ARE supposed to. There is no gold standard research that says not, for the general public.

bellabride · 10/08/2021 11:34

Nocebo effect very interesting: I've never heard that word before.

Soubriquet · 10/08/2021 11:35

@ssd

Christ you're great *@thejollysnake*

Hope my boys marry someone like you

NOT

I hope my son grows up to realise the world doesn’t stop turning if you’re feeling under the weather

If a single parent can manage, he should have been able to manage caring for his own child whilst OP went shopping