H has taken to his bed following 2nd vaccine

[thejollysnake]

let me preface this by saying that i know vaccine side effects can be crap. i had my 2nd vaccine a couple of weeks ago and i had fever, sleeplessness, nausea and body aches that lasted about 3 days. however i have a 5yo dc and am working from home, and the world didnt stop for me feeling crappy; i was playing playmobil princesses at my absolute worst and i didnt call in sick. not a stealth brag about how great i am, just a case of, it's shit but i can work from the sofa/bed if it gets really bad, and dc has needs. the world doesn't stop. H did not facilitate me feeling crappy, the house was a tip, dc at a loose end and he continued to work as normal (as he should do).

H on the other hand had his vaccine yesterday morning and has been in bed since. i've done a food shop, cooked all meals for us and dc, cleaned, laundry and basically flown solo. i'm also trying to work with most of my team on leave. even when dc was tired and didnt want to go out to the supermarket with me yesterday afternoon H said she had to go as he was sick (he wouldnt even come to sit on the sofa while she watched tv); i took her with me despite the protests which made the food shopping much harder. a day later he's still in bed now, is giving one word answers to me and dc if we come in as he's "really ill", and yet he's just bloody tried to start an argument with me because he says i "ignore him" when he's ill.

i haven't complained to him about staying in bed, at all. i've been in and out offering food/painkillers every so often, i brought him coffee this morning, i've picked up all the slack around the house and with dc, within reason i am ok to do this and let him recover but i'm not a florence nightingale who is going to wait on him in his sick bed, yet apparently i'm "ignoring him"? he's a generally healthy adult and i'm not his mother. i told him i'm just getting on with things and letting him rest.

i also kind of knew this would happen as when he gets sick at all he tends to drop everything and take to his bed, he even said at the weekend BEFORE his vaccine "i know i'm going to get really ill" so i feel like he was always going to do this. he's just been in bed on his phone for 2 days.

this is a vaccine millions have had, and he is an adult with a wife and a young dc on school summer holiday. if everybody in that position took to their beds after the vaccine (he hasnt even taken any paracetamol!!!) what would we do?

please tell me IANBU!!

I'd treat him just the same way he treats you when you're ill. He sounds horrible and lazy.

I think yabu. The day after my 2nd vaccine I had a headache, fever, nausea and chills too. I struggled in with my work for a few hours, propped up with caffeine and paracetamol but by late afternoon I had taken to my bed, leaving my dp to order takeaway and bath the kids. It seemed like the sensible thing to do and I would have done the same for him if he was under the weather. We are a partnership, that's what we do.

Tbh you sound like a bit of a martyr. There are no medals for struggling on you know. If you were ill after your vaccine, why didn't you rest? Why were you still playing playmobile with your five year old? You surely could have let them watch tv/ entertain themselves for a few hours while you rested? When you say he 'didn't facilitate' you being ill, did you actually ask him to? What would his reaction have been if you had said 'I'm feeling rough, I"m off for a rest, can you keep a ear out for the child / bung them some food while I recover'? I think if you start looking out for yourself more then you may feel less resentful of your partner.

YAallBU to take a vaccine with so many dangerous side effects.

Covid has a few nasty effects too.

People definitely react differently. I felt the illest I've ever felt - and I'vdd we had pneumonia, chemotherapy and proper flu. I couldn't get out of bed for about 36 hours.

It's all well and good to say you must give yourself downtime but who exactly is supposed to look after young children and pets if we all decide to take to our beds when we feel off colour??

It's a well-kept secret that children and animals have OFF buttons on their tummies which you can find if you look hard enough. Just turn them off until you feel better.

This isn't really about the covid vaccine, is it? I was quite ill after one of mine, as bad as proper flu but only for 48 hours. But he's a hypochondiriac who would do this during any minor illness. I don't have advice. But as a woman who would also have managed the children during illness with a useless OH who would be incapable of wiping his own brow with a minor cold you have my sympathy.

@SirenSays

Everyone's symptoms are different. My elderly parents were OK after the vaccine, just aches with sore arms. I had a fever and burned so hot I swear my bedding was going to catch fire at one point. My DH had horrendous migraines on and off for days, that Paracetamol wouldn't have touched. You were warned he was going to be ill. If you didn't find alternative childcare, sort online shopping or do something together with this advance warning, then I think you've brought this on yourselves tbh.

He 'knew' he was going to be ill. He should have found additional childcare, someone to sort his side of chores, etc out. He shouldn't be assuming his wife will sort it all. It was his responsibility.

Bet if he'd been missing work for a couple of days he'd have found a way to sort things out beforehand,

Do we know why some people seem to be absolutely floored after having yet? DH and I have had both Pfizer doses now and neither of us had a single symptom aside from a sore arm where they injected us. I tried to research why we didn’t feel any symptoms and couldn’t find much info at all. Wondering whether this means we’d also have been asymptomatic if we ever had covid too? We are young so possibly that plays a part, no idea.

Anyway OP, I don’t think many parents get the luxury of lounging around in bed when they’re sick. Most have to try and drag themselves up and get on with it so their DC can eat and stuff. I remember times I’ve had stomach bugs and had to breastfeed DC with a sick bowl in the other hand! You just have to take some painkillers and get on with it sometimes.

It's actually a good thing to have some symptoms after a vaccine.