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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think WTF at him?

221 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 08/08/2021 13:16

I've started dating someone. I've known him since last year but things have only started to get a bit romantic with dates for the past four or so months.

We both love nice food and on most of our recent dates we have eaten out. He's staying with parents at the moment waiting for his house sale to be completed but what gets me is that he never stays over, presumably because his parents would question where he was and they don't know about me yet, but what pisses me off more, is if we go for something to eat he'll only have a bit to eat, a starter or something because his dad will have made his tea. He says his dad prepares it early. It's fucking mad!!!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 10/08/2021 05:23

@RainbowBriteUk

it's really sad because I like him
Good god OP you're very very easily pleased.
Inthesameboatatmo · 10/08/2021 06:52

@everybodyisintrresting.
A brony !!!!! GrinGrin

CareerInspirationRequired · 10/08/2021 07:17

@RainbowBriteUk

I'm wondering if it's because of how I look or what that he said he was alone in the FB posts. Offensive.
His behaviour has nothing to do with anything you are or anything you have done. Personally, I think it's for one of 4 reasons:
  1. He is married or in a long-term relationship. Either he is still living with his partner or they have recently separated and he is still trying to work things put with them.
  2. He is single but not exclusively dating you and may even be seeing someone else on the same nights he sees you.
  3. He is only seeing you but he is stringing you along and really you were just a fuck-buddy. He doesn't want to tell his family as he knows they won't approve of his behaviour.
  4. He was genuinely dating you but the apron strings are tied so tight that it was never going to move into being a real adult relationship.

Whatever the case you've had a lucky escape.

Also the fact you've met his friends counts for nothing. Friends of "players"/cheats will often lie for them. And the ex he saw was almost certainly not an ex - she was someone who could catch out whatever lie he is telling.

yellowspot · 10/08/2021 07:30

@LadyJaye

This is just getting fucking weirder and weirder...

Panics when he sees his ex, can't stay out after 7pm... what a prince among men.

I thought the same. Either he's stuck in some weird daddy/ son dynamic. Or he's on tag and has to be home by 7 🙈
Eviebeans · 10/08/2021 07:33

Is he tight with his money?

Splann · 10/08/2021 07:41

I'm wondering if it's because of how I look or what that he said he was alone in the FB posts

Aw that makes me super sad. Don’t start blaming yourself for him being a massive weirdo. I hope you told him you were dumping him because of his weird and offensive behaviour.

RainbowBriteUk · 10/08/2021 08:42

He's text me saying he doesn't get the excitement or butterflies when we meet up. But I'm good enough for sex?

OP posts:
amoobaa · 10/08/2021 08:53

@RainbowBriteUk

He's text me saying he doesn't get the excitement or butterflies when we meet up. But I'm good enough for sex?
I hope you’ve broken things off completely and never go out with him again. You don’t need that in your life. Focus your energy elsewhere. Flowers
Sadiecow · 10/08/2021 08:54

@RainbowBriteUk

He's text me saying he doesn't get the excitement or butterflies when we meet up. But I'm good enough for sex?
Block him, he's a cunt!
MrsWooster · 10/08/2021 09:16

You’ve dodged a massive bullet here op

Frazzledmummy123 · 10/08/2021 10:04

@RainbowBriteUk

He's text me saying he doesn't get the excitement or butterflies when we meet up. But I'm good enough for sex?
Good God! Lucky escape there.

I am now inclined to think he was dating around and you were probably one of many he was seeing that night for 'dinner'.

Sorry it worked out like this. Find someonw who deserves you.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 10/08/2021 10:16

I think we all know after that update that he's just using you for sex op.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 10/08/2021 10:17

I think we all know after that update he's just using you for sex. Atleast you know now. Makes sense why he hasn't mentioned you and panicked when he saw the ex. What a dick.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 10/08/2021 10:18

So sorry, not realised it posted twice, screen froze.

liveforsummer · 10/08/2021 10:19

So we'd text about plans for our day off and meeting and I would ask if he wanted to go to a certain place for dinner specialising in a certain cuisine and he said no because his dad was making his tea and will have aready started preparing it. I asked if he could just microwave his dads meal the next day for dinner and he said it wouldn't taste as good. Then he said we could still go to that place but that he'd have something light or a starter. What I would call a light bite lol.

I know it's kind of irrelevant now but if you'd text that the night before instead, the meal was being prepared, what would the excuse have been then? Or even 5 days before so the shopping wouldn't have been bought. It's pretty normal to arrange things like this in advance, especially at the moment when most things need to be booked.

toocold54 · 10/08/2021 10:27

He's text me saying he doesn't get the excitement or butterflies when we meet up. But I'm good enough for sex?

I’ve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but he sounds like a childish prick!
Is this after you broke things off? Sounds like it was ‘oh well I didn’t like you anyway’ type of response. Very immature!

GertietheGherkin · 10/08/2021 12:25

I'm a little confused by the content of your OP, you say you both like nice food. From a previous thread you started on the "AMA" you whole life revolves around food, and a good proportion of it is Gregg's, McDonalds, chocolate bars etc. Do you think that meeting up to eat out may be the reason he doesn't want to invest in a relationship that would also be all revolving around food.

From your OP, you mention a "Light Bites" menu... These are usually pub grub big chain menus... Do you class the likes of Wetherspoons a nice food experience? Maybe his Dad cooks meat, veg, gravy dinners or various cuisine, and he finds that a healthier option. If you go out for days, does that involve lunch? Then possible "Light Bite" chain teatime'ish meal with you too?

I think that's why he doesn't stay, your lifestyle, diet, and possible health issues may play a part in him just viewing you as a friend, but with benefits if that's an available option thrown in.

If you've never had a proper chat about your feelings, needs, wants and relationship expectations, then I don't think you are actually in a relationship. You're just friends really that meet to eat out ( and you do say you contact him with suggestions of places to eat) It's not really a date is it, and again it's all about food.
Where is he going to experience a 'spark'?

As you've now ended things I would step well away, to keep dipping in and out of encounters with this guy aren't going to do you any good. It really is just worth being left alone.

Tallisimo · 10/08/2021 12:30

Glad you’ve ditched him, you are worth much more than that!

liveforsummer · 10/08/2021 12:55

You say he moved in for a while to get his head straight and give himself time and he now has a new place to move in to but on the 22nd July less than 3 weeks ago you said

I also mentioned I could stay over at his, and have stayed many times in the past when we were together but he said it was too soon for that, even in his spare room as I had suggested.

You also say

He's also kind, considerate, funny and attentive. He's reliable and hard working. He has very decent friends.

But in that post a short time ago you've described him as awful, ignorant, unkind and always trying to push you both this time round and during your previous relationship and stated you'd left him. Things appear to have moved on very quickly but it seems to have stayed consistent that he's an arse (not sure why you were saying in this thread he's not). I'd stick to your decision this time.

PearlD · 10/08/2021 14:29

Oh love, it's not the light bites for me, it's the lack of agency! Any grown man who can't tell his parents he's taking a lover for dinner and staying over at their house, is alarm bells in a big way. Leave him to it and move on.

Aliceclara · 10/08/2021 14:38

OP I think you need a break from men to re-evaluate your worth. You deserve more than this.

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