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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think WTF at him?

221 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 08/08/2021 13:16

I've started dating someone. I've known him since last year but things have only started to get a bit romantic with dates for the past four or so months.

We both love nice food and on most of our recent dates we have eaten out. He's staying with parents at the moment waiting for his house sale to be completed but what gets me is that he never stays over, presumably because his parents would question where he was and they don't know about me yet, but what pisses me off more, is if we go for something to eat he'll only have a bit to eat, a starter or something because his dad will have made his tea. He says his dad prepares it early. It's fucking mad!!!

OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 09/08/2021 21:07

@RainbowBriteUk

I just want someone who can stay over and I can cuddle all night and wake up to in the morning and do coupley things with.
You're now free to find this person rather than settling on someone who could/would not meet your physical and emotional needs.
Erwhatno · 09/08/2021 21:07

Oh op Envy

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:11

@BettyBakesBuns

There is something you don't yet know about this man. Don't get too invested (not that you're likely to, seeing him once a week from 5.30 to 7pm).
It's not from 5.30pm. It'll all day on our days off.
OP posts:
Whogotdakeystomabeamer · 09/08/2021 21:11

Sorry about the breakup.

Please will you give an example of the conversations you'd have about making plans though. I'm SO intregued about how he'd word going home for his tea 😂

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:12

it's really sad because I like him

OP posts:
toocold54 · 09/08/2021 21:12

I then scrolled through his FB posting history and a woman he dated a few years back, he posted photos and posts about them in the first week they met! I feel totally not good enough.

I’d say this is the reason he’s being so careful with you.
It sounds like he met someone and gushed to everyone about her including his family and then it ended and he had to tell everyone.

I completely get why you’d want someone to stay over and cuddle etc as that’s the best part about being in an adult relationship there’s no parents telling you what to do!

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:16

@Whogotdakeystomabeamer

Sorry about the breakup.

Please will you give an example of the conversations you'd have about making plans though. I'm SO intregued about how he'd word going home for his tea 😂

So we'd text about plans for our day off and meeting and I would ask if he wanted to go to a certain place for dinner specialising in a certain cuisine and he said no because his dad was making his tea and will have aready started preparing it. I asked if he could just microwave his dads meal the next day for dinner and he said it wouldn't taste as good. Then he said we could still go to that place but that he'd have something light or a starter. What I would call a light bite lol.
OP posts:
Gardenwalldilema · 09/08/2021 21:17

Weren't you posting a month ago about getting back with your ex who was being flakey and refusing to commit to seeing you at weekends? I don't know how many red flags you need to see really

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:18

@Gardenwalldilema Yes. Complicated.

OP posts:
LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 21:21

Oh. So this guy is actually an ex that you’ve got back with?

Keepitonthedownlow · 09/08/2021 21:24

Why is he posting things on Facebook then denying who he's with? That's offensive.

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 21:27

Have you been to the cinema or anything with him after 7pm?
I can’t see any reason that he can’t say he’s eating out that day (unless he has issues with food that he doesn’t want you to know about) so is it he has to get home for a certain time or he wants to get home for his tea!

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:28

@Keepitonthedownlow

Why is he posting things on Facebook then denying who he's with? That's offensive.
I am offended. Very.
OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:30

I'm wondering if it's because of how I look or what that he said he was alone in the FB posts. Offensive.

OP posts:
Dontwatchfootball · 09/08/2021 21:33

Wow - I think you dodged a bullet. It is fair enough not to want to go into loads of details with his family if you are early in your relationship - and perhaps posting pics too early with someone else has made him wary. BUT - it is not cool to be letting you down like this and at his age he should be able to make alternative plans and break away from his family a bit. What would be next - he couldnt have sex as his dad had just ironed his pajamas? He couldnt have Sunday lunch because his dad was a better cook.

Saoirse82 · 09/08/2021 21:36

You deserve better OP, much better. He sounds like an odd character, a pathetic man child!

LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 21:37

What kind of absolute dunderhead posts FB photos of themselves out and about, but doesn’t actually want anyone to pick up on the fact that he’s out and about? Or, wants people to think he’s doing all that stuff as a Nigel-no-mates?

It’d be laughable, if it wasn’t so offensive.

Dontbeme · 09/08/2021 21:54

You deserve so much more OP 💐💐💐
This is all him and no reflection of you. You have now created space in your life for the right person.

WitchBaby · 09/08/2021 21:59

Oh so he's an ex? Has he always been like this then or is it a recent thing?
Maybe he doesn't want to admit to his family he's back with his ex?

PurpleMustang · 09/08/2021 22:26

There seems to be a few things that don't make sense. You said you met on days off, so does he eat a lunch with you, and the Dad/dinner thing is true, or does he not eat at all with you around and have an issue with food he his hiding? Then even if he didn't want to eat with you present why at 43 can he just not say he is going out alone/with friends/you and say he will eat out. Christ even my son can tell me he is at a friends and won't be home for dinner and is 15 and has taken his girlfriend out to dinner. But then the whole posting on fb but pretending to be along is a whole other issue. Why say he wants to be private but show the world where he is on fb. But then as you found, was ok to post pictures with someone else. Odd. Very odd. Something is amiss but what only he knows.

LuxOlente · 09/08/2021 22:31

I guess at the end of the day you caught him in a bunch of cagey lies where he felt the need to hide where he was going and who he was going to be with.

He seems a bit of a weirdo. You're well rid, hope the next one is normal and has a more adult bed time.

WitchBaby · 09/08/2021 22:44

I just read your AMA thread OP, not being horrible but is that maybe the reason he doesn't want to eat out with you, or why he only wants to have a 'light bite'?

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 09/08/2021 22:48

@dottydodah

Unless hes 15 or something ,this sounds weird as fuck TBH! Why on earth would he not tell his dad hes out for Supper ? I think he sounds immature to say the least! This would put me right off!
Even my nearly 14 year old will say "I won't be in for tea, Mum."
FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 09/08/2021 23:12

Hang on, so is he an ex or is that other thread about someone else?

Frazzledmummy123 · 09/08/2021 23:13

I am sorry to hear about the break up op Flowers . It sounds like you have done the right thing ending it. How did he react?

Probably irrelevant now but a random thought crossed my mind... This might sound a little crazy but indulge me. You said it always had to be a light bite no matter where he went, and how he wouldn't reheat his dad's dinner the next day and his wouldn't change. He always had to go home at a certain time and woudn't stay over. Almost like he likes things in a certain way all the time, and in a routine.. possible aspergers? It doesn't excuse it or excuse the facebook posts part, but just a thought.