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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think WTF at him?

221 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 08/08/2021 13:16

I've started dating someone. I've known him since last year but things have only started to get a bit romantic with dates for the past four or so months.

We both love nice food and on most of our recent dates we have eaten out. He's staying with parents at the moment waiting for his house sale to be completed but what gets me is that he never stays over, presumably because his parents would question where he was and they don't know about me yet, but what pisses me off more, is if we go for something to eat he'll only have a bit to eat, a starter or something because his dad will have made his tea. He says his dad prepares it early. It's fucking mad!!!

OP posts:

Choice4567 · 09/08/2021 19:39

*to live

LadyJaye · 09/08/2021 19:41

This is just getting fucking weirder and weirder...

Panics when he sees his ex, can't stay out after 7pm... what a prince among men.

nocoffeenobooze · 09/08/2021 19:41

43?! LOL!

daisyjgrey · 09/08/2021 19:42

@RainbowBriteUk

He's 43 ffs.

HAHAHAHAHA

Ditch him immediately. What nonsense.

RightYesButNo · 09/08/2021 19:42

I understand that you know he’s single and you know he’s staying at his mum and dad’s so that’s done and dusted, but are you sure he’s actually waiting for a house sale? Or is that just what he’s learned to say as saying you’ve never moved out at 43 is deeply unpalatable to most women. What kind of house sale requires you to be out of your house for four months (actually, the entire time you’ve known him, so potentially he’s been there longer)? What kind of man wants to live with his parents for that long? If you say he’s single, he is; I’m just wondering how long he’s been living at home to be so entrenched in these routines (dad making tea, etc). Surely you’ve exchanged a house, OP; you know you don’t have to live elsewhere while awaiting completion. Strange. And yes, odd he hasn’t told his family about you for four months. That’s a while. Are you from different cultures and they’re likely to disapprove for some reason?

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 09/08/2021 19:44

I would actually say that 4 months is a bit too early to tell his parents

Really? What’s wrong with your parents being aware you’re casually dating? Especially if you live with them — surely most people wouldn’t feel the need to pretend they never date, or go to pains to hide that they’ve been out for a meal

Telling them doesn’t imply it’s The One or anything like that.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 09/08/2021 19:44

@Choice4567

Well then you’re going to have to learn todd with the weird. Or, I don’t know, talk to him about it.

Not sure what you were expecting from this. You highlighted a thing you find weird about the relationship. Everyone has agreed that it’s weird. So you’ve got defensive about it!

Yes, I'm not sure what OP wants from this thread because she's being very defensive.

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

Us: Depends- if he's 12 it's normal. How old is he?

OP: Why are you all obsessed with age? He's 43 FFS

Us: Yes that's weird

OP: there's other weird stuff he's done...

🍿

OoglyMoogly · 09/08/2021 19:45

I'll bet the “ex” is actually his wife’s best friend. So many red flags there.

LuxOlente · 09/08/2021 19:48

[quote RainbowBriteUk]@Dontbeme Possibly. He thought he saw his ex from a few years back when we were out. He went into a complete panic. I do believe he is single but his behaviour is putting me off! He leaves at 7pm. I'd like him to stay over. His situation isn't his fault. He sold his last house to move in with the parents for a bit until he could find the right house for him and get his head straight. Now he's found the perfect one. It's just causing me stress.[/quote]
43! He leaves at 7pm because he's told his wife he's going out for a quick drink with the boys after work and needs to be home for the kids' bedtime.

No one of 43 would tell anyone they still sit down at 6pm for fish fingers cooked by their Daddy. No one. Unless the truth was worse.

ChargingBuck · 09/08/2021 19:49

@RainbowBriteUk

We started seeing each other four months ago and see each other once a week because of work commitments on both sides. Is the fact that he hasn't told his parents about me a red flag really?

Yes.

He doesn't need to give them chapter & verse.
He doesn;t even need to call you a g/f.

But a grown man, who can't eat out with you properly of an evening, because "dad's cooked me tea" ... [eyeroll]
& he's unable to say "I'm eating out with a pal tonight" -

I'd have trouble finding a guy attractive in that situation.

MrsMaizel · 09/08/2021 19:50

@RainbowBriteUk

We started seeing each other four months ago and see each other once a week because of work commitments on both sides. Is the fact that he hasn't told his parents about me a red flag really?

Once a week ???? And only until 7pm - Jesus 🙄😂

Eilatan2018 · 09/08/2021 19:50

@toocold54

I would actually say that 4 months is a bit too early to tell his parents so I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag as he’s still getting to know you.

It does all seem a bit odd though and I would be keeping my guard up just incase. I’d try and wait until he’s sold his house and then see. Of course he may not have a house to sell and is just embarrassed he lives with his parents.

4 months is too early to tell his parents? Wtf that’s ages!!

VimFuego101 · 09/08/2021 19:52

I would hate to be in a relationship with someone whose parents are this involved in his day to day life and comings and goings. He doesn't sound very independent at all.

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 20:03

4 months is too early to tell his parents? Wtf that’s ages!!

You would tell your parents after you’ve only been dating someone for 4 months really?? They only see each other once a week and have never stayed over night so it’s far from anywhere serious.

My parents are the last people I would tell. I don’t think I’d tell anyone after only 4 months, maybe my best friend.
Not for any particular reason actually just because I’d want to figure out where it’s going first without anyone else’s input.

His parents may want to know details though or if he was hiding from his ex it may be too soon after they’ve split, or it was a messy break up etc so it wouldn’t be as simple as just letting them know without them asking questions.

There’s nothing to stop him saying he’s meeting a work colleague for dinner though or eating two dinners

BettyBakesBuns · 09/08/2021 20:04

There is something you don't yet know about this man. Don't get too invested (not that you're likely to, seeing him once a week from 5.30 to 7pm).

Choice4567 · 09/08/2021 20:06

@HmmmmmmInteresting exactly!

ssd · 09/08/2021 20:45

@ssd

Op is going to come back and say the guy is early 40s.....

I'm fucking psychic

BetsyBigNose · 09/08/2021 20:52

@Dontbeme

Would you think speaking to him about cooling the relationship off until he is in his own home would get through to him? If you told him that the current setup made you feel like a dirty secret, that you can't relax and enjoy your time together as his dad is going to call him home for his tea at any moment. Would that make him see how ridiculous his behaviour is?

I think @Dontbeme has it. Like the answer to so many AIBUs; communicate with him!

LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 20:52

OP have you ever been in a relationship before?

I just wonder what life events have led you to believe that what’s going on here is in any way normal.

You see this, um, man - once a week for a ‘light bite’. He leaves you at 7pm. He hasn’t told a soul about you.

What do you actually think is going on here?

Standrewsschool · 09/08/2021 20:54

This is getting weirder and weirder (troll?).

He leaves at 7pm. Seriously!

Get his head straight from what? What does selling your house got to do with that!although lots of people move in with parents inbetween houses. However, it seems very strange that someone who has lived independently in his own house would go home at 7pm. You say you like meals out? What time do you go out?

Duggeehugs82 · 09/08/2021 20:57

I would not find a 43 year old man attractive who could never go out for proper dinner as he has to eat with his parents before. Thats a massive red flag! Thats crazy u would put up with that and the not staying over

Original poster

RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:03

I've just finished things with him. I noticed a facebook post where we were out and his sister again put a comment and was teasing him asking who took the photo of him and he replied that it was someone in the attraction we were visiting. I confronted him and he said he doesn't like his family knowing his business especially early on.

I then scrolled through his FB posting history and a woman he dated a few years back, he posted photos and posts about them in the first week they met! I feel totally not good enough.

OP posts:

Original poster

RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:04

He doesn't have to leave at exactly 7pm but it's always around that time. When i've suggested him microwaving the dinner the next day he says it doesn't taste as good.

OP posts:

Original poster

RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 21:05

I just want someone who can stay over and I can cuddle all night and wake up to in the morning and do coupley things with.

OP posts:

Palavah · 09/08/2021 21:06

@Sparklesocks

I don’t think I could carry on fancying someone who can’t say to their parents ‘I’m having dinner out tonight so don’t worry about doing anything for me’.

This

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