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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think WTF at him?

221 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 08/08/2021 13:16

I've started dating someone. I've known him since last year but things have only started to get a bit romantic with dates for the past four or so months.

We both love nice food and on most of our recent dates we have eaten out. He's staying with parents at the moment waiting for his house sale to be completed but what gets me is that he never stays over, presumably because his parents would question where he was and they don't know about me yet, but what pisses me off more, is if we go for something to eat he'll only have a bit to eat, a starter or something because his dad will have made his tea. He says his dad prepares it early. It's fucking mad!!!

OP posts:
Eilatan2018 · 09/08/2021 19:20

@RainbowBriteUk

He's 43 ffs.
Oh my word… this is very weird and very unattractive! He won’t tell his parents about you after this long and he eats light as to not upset his parents by being too full for their meal! He is either very very sad in which case I would run a mile… but surely those type of people don’t exist?! Or he has a wife, makes total sense!
GertietheGherkin · 09/08/2021 19:21

So you both like nice food, but only you eat a proper meal OP?
What sort of light bite does he usually opt for?
Do his parents prepare packed lunches for work?

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 19:21

@Choice4567 He's also kind, considerate, funny and attentive. He's reliable and hard working. He has very decent friends.

OP posts:
LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 19:22

@RainbowBriteUk you posted this thread asking if you were being unreasonable to think WTF at this odd man you’re dating.

Everyone has told you, in no uncertain terms, that you’re definitely not being unreasonable. We’re agreeing with you!

But you’re getting so defensive at people confirming how very strange this situation is.

Why?

And are you going to continue dating such a sub-standard specimen, for whom you’re nothing but a dirty little secret?

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 19:22

If you’re pissed off with anything he does whilst you’re just starting to get to know someone then he’s obviously not for you.

I would say he’s actually got food or germ issues and I’d say this has something to do with him not staying over.

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 19:23

We started seeing each other four months ago and see each other once a week because of work commitments on both sides. Is the fact that he hasn't told his parents about me a red flag really?

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 09/08/2021 19:24

Is he divorced and moved on with parents after split?

MintyGreenDream · 09/08/2021 19:24

in

HmmmmmmInteresting · 09/08/2021 19:24

[quote Dontbeme]@RainbowBriteUk I'm getting there slowly but surely, thank you.

@HmmmmmmInteresting he did actually, his cholesterol skyrocketed too! 15 years down the drain but at least I'm not on heart attack watch.[/quote]
Glad to hear it. What an amateur. He should have done as the OP's man is doing and just let her think he was odd while safeguarding his health. Glad you got rid of the twat.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 09/08/2021 19:25

@RainbowBriteUk

We started seeing each other four months ago and see each other once a week because of work commitments on both sides. Is the fact that he hasn't told his parents about me a red flag really?
It's odd because he doesn't have to go into detail and just say he's dating.
QOD · 09/08/2021 19:25

why uisnt he in the homne he is selling?
all sounds very odd and a bit cringe. 43 and cant tell mummy and daddy?

Sadiecow · 09/08/2021 19:26

How very unattractive!

Dontbeme · 09/08/2021 19:26

Would you think speaking to him about cooling the relationship off until he is in his own home would get through to him? If you told him that the current setup made you feel like a dirty secret, that you can't relax and enjoy your time together as his dad is going to call him home for his tea at any moment. Would that make him see how ridiculous his behaviour is?

LagneyandCasey · 09/08/2021 19:29

Is he called Timothy?

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 19:31

@conspicuouslyinconspicuous it’s not the same person is it??
There can’t be many 40 year olds living at their parents not wanting to stay out over night.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 09/08/2021 19:31

@RainbowBriteUk

We started seeing each other four months ago and see each other once a week because of work commitments on both sides. Is the fact that he hasn't told his parents about me a red flag really?
As he lives with them and eats with them and stuff, it’s pretty strange, yes. Not a red flag in the sense of dangerous, just…weird.

Like, how would it not come up in conversation? And what’s the reason not to say “btw I’m out with Rainbow tonight, no need to cook for me”?

Original poster
RainbowBriteUk · 09/08/2021 19:32

@Dontbeme Possibly. He thought he saw his ex from a few years back when we were out. He went into a complete panic. I do believe he is single but his behaviour is putting me off! He leaves at 7pm. I'd like him to stay over. His situation isn't his fault. He sold his last house to move in with the parents for a bit until he could find the right house for him and get his head straight. Now he's found the perfect one. It's just causing me stress.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 09/08/2021 19:34

So you have never seen him past 7pm?

This is just so so odd.

I really couldn't be bothered

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 19:35

I would actually say that 4 months is a bit too early to tell his parents so I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag as he’s still getting to know you.

It does all seem a bit odd though and I would be keeping my guard up just incase. I’d try and wait until he’s sold his house and then see. Of course he may not have a house to sell and is just embarrassed he lives with his parents.

StCharlotte · 09/08/2021 19:35

I believe you OP because you sound like my NDN and her Peter Pan boyfriend.

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 19:36

Have you had sex with him?

Dontbeme · 09/08/2021 19:36

The panicking at seeing the ex would worry me, as you are certain he's not married I would be thinking he has unfinished emotional investment in her and not ready to really move on with you, he could be using his home setup as a convenient excuse to keep you at arm's length.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 09/08/2021 19:37

he went into a complete panic

Again, super odd. Why panic at the mere sight of an ex in a public place?

I would bet ££ you’re going to end up ditching him because this won’t improve. And that once a bit of time has passed you’re definitely going to think “why in the world did I put up with that for more than 5 minutes?”

If I were you I’d just skip to that bit right now.

Choice4567 · 09/08/2021 19:38

Well then you’re going to have to learn todd with the weird. Or, I don’t know, talk to him about it.

Not sure what you were expecting from this. You highlighted a thing you find weird about the relationship. Everyone has agreed that it’s weird. So you’ve got defensive about it!

HmmmmmmInteresting · 09/08/2021 19:39

Most teenagers would have no issue telling parents they're not coming home for dinner so this is really weird and the reason we were asking his age. He's acting like he's 12