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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think WTF at him?

221 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 08/08/2021 13:16

I've started dating someone. I've known him since last year but things have only started to get a bit romantic with dates for the past four or so months.

We both love nice food and on most of our recent dates we have eaten out. He's staying with parents at the moment waiting for his house sale to be completed but what gets me is that he never stays over, presumably because his parents would question where he was and they don't know about me yet, but what pisses me off more, is if we go for something to eat he'll only have a bit to eat, a starter or something because his dad will have made his tea. He says his dad prepares it early. It's fucking mad!!!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2021 16:30

How deeply unattractive. It sounds like you're dating a 15 year old.

dottydodah · 08/08/2021 17:01

Unless hes 15 or something ,this sounds weird as fuck TBH! Why on earth would he not tell his dad hes out for Supper ? I think he sounds immature to say the least! This would put me right off!

DoItAfraid · 08/08/2021 17:32

@BlueSurfer

Even my four year old is able to say she is eating at a friend’s house so I don't cook a meal.

How old exactly is he?

My exact thoughts 🙈
Bluetoybear · 08/08/2021 17:38

Come on OP....how old is he?

opinionminion · 08/08/2021 21:29

Is he married ? Won't stay over and potentially eating a dinner at home ?

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 08/08/2021 21:39

A grown man who is incapable of a) telling his parents he's dating and b) telling his parents he doesn't need them to cook him dinner this evening.

No. Just no.

He's either a complete waste of space, or he's married.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 03:56

I'd love to know what happens at bill paying time, does he just pay for his starter? Maybe he's skint! Not that it's any less weird but if he's too embarrassed to admit he has a girlfriend why can't he tell his dad he's meeting a male friend or colleague for dinner so he can actually eat?!

Velcrodog · 09/08/2021 04:03

Are you sure his house hasn't been waiting to be finished for four years or something op?

LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 04:13

So. Why are you a dirty little secret?

And more specifically…

Why are you OK with being someone’s dirty little secret?

StrangeToSee · 09/08/2021 04:20

Maybe he has some type of illness triggered by food and feels awkward telling you?

HPLikecraft · 09/08/2021 04:23

What does he say when you ask him why he won’t tell his parents about you, or why he can’t tell them he’s eating out or staying out overnight? How does he explain it?

Moreover, why do you put up with it?

TheFrogsAreDying · 09/08/2021 04:23

Maybe he’s got a curfew and his mum and dad don’t let him out past 8pm?

LimeRedBanana · 09/08/2021 04:31

@StrangeToSee

Maybe he has some type of illness triggered by food and feels awkward telling you?
It says in the OP - they both love nice food.
daisychain01 · 09/08/2021 04:41

Grin to the Lite Bites.

He'll soon graduate to the Kiddie Menu OP that's when you really need to get worried!

He needs to leave home, he's still 14:in his mind, it won't be until he starts paying his own council tax and buying his own food at Tesco that you stand any chance of him becoming a fully fledged adult. He needs to fly that nest.

MintLeaves12 · 09/08/2021 05:53

@KeeOe

Ohhhh, OP, this sounds awfully familiar. Please don't tell me you live in the North-East of England and his initials are N B. There can't be more than one of these around, surely 😂

For the record, I binned off my terrible man-baby. It was just too bizarre for words.

Dying to know if it's the same man as above Grin
aiwblam · 09/08/2021 06:02

Well the situation is weird. I wouldn’t bother analysing/justifying why, I’d just get rid. There could be several reasons for this weirdness and none of them are good. I wouldn’t even bother telling him why it’s over - he doesn’t give you proper info. Just tell him it feels like it’s not working.

Moonbabysmum · 09/08/2021 06:11

He could have either an eating disorder or some form of issues with food?

There could be some issues between him and his parents which is why he eats with them first?

Her could have some form of mental health issues which is triggered by eating full meals in public?

He may just really not enjoy eating and be going along with it because he knows you enjoy it.

He may not have much money.

Or he could be just weird or already in a relationship.

Personally I'd talk to him about it. I wouldn't just dump him.

forinborin · 09/08/2021 06:44

Just to be the devil's advocate, is he from another, more conservative, culture?
I am approaching middle age, single (divorced) and I would not make it known to my parents that I am staying over at someone's place. They'd lose a lot of respect for me.

motherofcatsandbears · 09/08/2021 06:50

Sorry, but I don’t think he’s single or living with parents - I get the feeling he’s married/ partnered and trying to live a double life.
Ditch him before you get hurt.

Faevern · 09/08/2021 07:19

You said house sale, why is he not living in his own house while the sale goes through? Are his wife and kids living in his house?

Whatsthatohno · 09/08/2021 07:20

I briefly had one of these. He lived at home, but was in the process of buying 'his very own place'; his safe haven, as his mother put it, since the trauma of an abusive relationship (that had resulted in a child he had never met - found this out after I'd been reeled in). I never saw the house once purchased, because it was a wreck and being done up, apparently. We never stayed out past 9. Weirs, but he said that his medication made him very tired.
Of course, as it turned out, it wasn't 'his very own place' at all, but one he had bought with his girlfriend of 2 or 3 years whom his parents very much liked - in fact she worked with his dad!

The abusive relationship was shockingly a loaf of crap too - he had spun that poor woman a story of being so depressed, he wasn't able to see her any more than once a week for a quick shag and she fell pregnant with his daughter. They had been in a relationship previously - she thought they still were - but his mother didn't approve as she was older, divorced and had 2 children already. He had started seeing the new girlfriend and went around to see his child's mother on a day the new one had an evening class.

This guy might not be like that, but for a grown man not to tell his parents or even eat what he wants when he wants is very odd.

skodadoda · 09/08/2021 07:23

Why can he not tell his parents that he’ll be eating out and they don’t need to make him a meal?

He sounds a bit feeble.

burritofan · 09/08/2021 07:36

How did your vagina not spontaneously seal shut the very first time he ordered a “light bite” because his parental tea was waiting at home?

Standrewsschool · 09/08/2021 08:06

Have you spoken to him about it? Ask him why he won’t mention that he’s going out for a meal.

Staying over wouldn’t bother me so much. Some people take longer to feel comfortable than others. Maybe he’s quite naive when it comes to dating and doesn’t realise what you are expecting. Have you invited him to stay,or waiting for him to suggest it?

Jenasaurus · 09/08/2021 08:56

My edest DC lived at home until he was 29 as saving for a house, but the difference here is that he actually cooked his own meals (sometimes mine too) and his GF stayed at ours every weekend until they moved out into their own place so different scenario.