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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:

ERFFER · 09/08/2021 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VolcanicEruption · 09/08/2021 18:22

I remember having a 15 week miscarriage when DD was 18 months.
Went to hospital for D& C.
A few weeks later a phone call asking why I hadn’t showed up for scan?
About when I would have roughly be 6 months a midwife and student came to the door asking about my pregnancy? They do not read the notes
My DD now 34 and we have had problems with the student loan co and her DH also So NHS isn’t the only one that never read info already sent

Comedycook · 09/08/2021 18:24

In my delivery, nurse asked if we had a baby name: we told her and she replied “ oh we had a baby called that last week!” Aye cheers

What's wrong with this ?

Mamabear12 · 09/08/2021 18:25

I had a 20 month old when my ds was born. He would wake like 5 times a night to feed ans during the day I had newborn and toddler. I was exhausted and a few times my sister would come over and just take a nap on my sofa!!! I would get so annoyed like sleep at your own house! If you come over, offer to help w the kids so I can have a nap!! 😡

Sadiecow · 09/08/2021 18:26

In my delivery, nurse asked if we had a baby name: we told her and she replied “ oh we had a baby called that last week!” Aye cheers. Don’t know why she thought this is what parents want to hear before the baby is even weighed !?

Non issue I think

Westside1 · 09/08/2021 18:27

Bitchy SIL telling me their baby 2 weeks older than mine was sleeping through the night when I was gone demented with sleep deprivation. Later found out from other family member that this wasn’t true, their baby was also up half the night. I’ve since found out she is like this with all things parenting, full of shit basically

BobISMyUncle · 09/08/2021 18:32

I got home first. I beat the Muvver in law by three of our British minutes. I kid you not. And then, she inspected my plug holes. Nice lady.
She's dead now. Which makes her a very nice lady.

calvados · 09/08/2021 18:33

The nasty callous doctor on duty who turned me away from hospital when my waters broke and told me to come back as they were full on the ward. When I went back 4 hours later to deliver my son she said haughtily ‘oh it’s you again’… I was only 21 and although married she assumed I was a feckless unmarried teenager. She was viscous seeing my episiotomy up and never spoke to me once. She did something horrible to me down below that I’ve never reported but some 33 years later I wonder if I should have reported her callousness towards a human being who was at her mercy during childbirth. It’s a miracle I went on to have ds2! My husband was young too and didn’t think to say anything as was as traumatised as I was!!!

louisvillelou · 09/08/2021 18:36

Sent me a box of gluten-containing brownies. I can’t eat gluten 😭😭😭

I was unreasonably furious about that for ages 😂😂😂

ellyeth · 09/08/2021 18:39

areallthenamestaken What a vile, horrible neighbour and I was so sad to read what she said to you.

MummyToOrla · 09/08/2021 18:40

Day after my emergency c-section 2 weeks into lockdown 1 (UK). Sat in hospital alone, all curtains shut (wasn't allowed them open at any point), scared with a bed that the controls didn't work for and with no help buzzer because it was broken. Struggling to get my LG to latch to feed so asked if someone from the BF support team could help. She walked in, took one look at my inverted nipples, laughed and said "Well sweetheart, you may as well give up now - that's never going to work".
Icing on the cake for ftm me who had never been to hospital for so much as a scratch, and was already feeling like a failure because my body let me down and couldn't get my girl into the world safely. Then to top it all off my body couldn't keep her alive either. That was really helpful.

wewereliars · 09/08/2021 18:40

OMG Mrssheppard18 I hope you're in a better place now

Elliepme · 09/08/2021 18:42

The woman up the road parked her car behind the ambulance so she could see baby first and blocked me getting into the ambulance. (Unexpected home birth) Got home and she’s told everyone on Facebook that I’d had the baby. Also old work colleague asked if everything ok as she’d seen ambulance outside my house, she lives no where near me but was a first responder so will have heard over the works radio. 1am when we had returned from the hospital I had to wake family members after seeing what they’d done to tell them of the news before they saw it on fb. I would have deactivated my fb if I’d known people could be so tacky.

ellyeth · 09/08/2021 18:42

In fact, having read some other things that have been done to and said to new Mums, I am absolutely shocked that there are so many cruel, insensitive people.

Justonemoretouch · 09/08/2021 18:42

I travelled thousands of miles with my new baby to introduce him to my family. I changed his nappy with my mother in the room and she told me I should take him to see a doctor as his penis was smaller than my sister's baby's and was therefore unnatural. (My mother only had daughters). My mother also had a shop with a room at the back for taking lunch breaks. When I was out and about I called in to her shop and asked to breastfeed my baby and change his nappy in her chill-out room. She replied it would not be possible and that I would have to feed and change my baby in the car parked in the crowded hot street outside. I haven't been back.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 09/08/2021 18:45

My DM didn’t speak to me for 2 months following DS birth and also stopped my now deceased DD coming to see me (my DD was the sweetest man ever and DM controlled the money so no fault on his part at all) ALL BCOS my husband asked my sister to let my mum know what was happening and he didn’t call her himself - they lived abroad and phone failed to connect (they lived v rural area). My DS had shoulder dystocia and was starved of oxygen whilst drs fought to get him out (I sustained 4th degree tear and had retained placenta then haemhorrage) so didn’t even get to hold my DS whilst drs worked on him and I was rushed to theatre not knowing if my son survived! Really traumatic and my mother made it all about her - can never forgive her for how she treated us and after many many sh*tty things she’s done we no longer speak.

Bellee11 · 09/08/2021 18:48

My NCT group were mostly older, married homeowners living in quite an affluent area. In contrast, my partner and I were living in a very modest rented house in the not so posh part of town and not married yet (because...well it's the 21st century after all!)
One evening after a couple of drinks, one of the mums said 'we've been wanting to ask you for ages, was your baby planned?'

My response, 'yes, we were indeed aware what would happen when his sperm went into my vagina!'.

On another occasion she made it clear how much she was opposed to same sex parents. I distanced myself after that!

meemaww · 09/08/2021 18:50

@MummyToOrla

Day after my emergency c-section 2 weeks into lockdown 1 (UK). Sat in hospital alone, all curtains shut (wasn't allowed them open at any point), scared with a bed that the controls didn't work for and with no help buzzer because it was broken. Struggling to get my LG to latch to feed so asked if someone from the BF support team could help. She walked in, took one look at my inverted nipples, laughed and said "Well sweetheart, you may as well give up now - that's never going to work". Icing on the cake for ftm me who had never been to hospital for so much as a scratch, and was already feeling like a failure because my body let me down and couldn't get my girl into the world safely. Then to top it all off my body couldn't keep her alive either. That was really helpful.

I had a similar experience years ago with DD and I’m so sorry that you’ve been so badly let down by the disgusting behaviour. As long as your baby is happy, fed (by whatever means) and loved, you are NOT a failure. Enjoy your baby and please don’t beat yourself up about anything 💐

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 09/08/2021 18:51

I was in Woolworths with my newborn DS. I had my handbag over the handles of the buggy, turned my back for a few seconds and some sod nicked it! I actually cried.

Bekstar · 09/08/2021 18:51

Having grown up using BSL at times myself due to selective mutism and autism, I was signing while chatting to my then 3 month old baby and an Auntie interrupted and said "Oh Bekstar dont wave your hands round near the baby, you don't want him doing what you did as a child, we don't want him refusing to talk" I was livid. BSL helped me overcome my mutism. Ironically she also seemed to think that if my mam took custody of my child it would limit the risk of autism been passed on. Needless to say I kept my baby and he is a neurotypical despite myself and his dad been on spectrum, he also can talk for Britain and is very confident starting conversations.

Mumdiva99 · 09/08/2021 18:53

@Feb2022 I remember my first walk to the loo after CS. Blood pouring down my leg all over my knickers, my surgical stocking, the floor. I think mostly it was on the floor of the loo. Trying to clean it up when you can hardly move. I took the sticking off and threw them away. When I was back in bed a MW asked where the stocking were....she wanted me to get them from the bin, wash them and reuse them. Because I was supposed to leave them on.

If they had bothered to tell me this I wouldn't have thrown them away. I was put on the ward about 11pm Xmas eve and no one told me anything. I couldn't move and didn't know how to get my crying baby out the cot at the foot of the bed. Apparently I should have buzzed. My experience of hospitals was through casualty and I thought you only buzzed for a cardiac arrest. It was a stressful night.

youlookingatme · 09/08/2021 18:55

55 years ago I was a 16 year old unmarried mother (a sinner). The midwives were horrible to me. Wouldnt give me any pain relief told me the pain was to pay for my sin. After I had the baby he was going to be adopted as most babies of unmarried mothers in the 60s were. Lots of the other mums on the ward wouldnt talk to me and one in particular took great delight in telling me about her wonderful children and how I would not get to see my child grow into a lovely child like hers. They couldnt understand what I was going through and just said it was my own fault for sleeping with a boy before I was married. As she left one of the more horrible mothers said to me you will be back here next year your type dont know how to keep their legs together. I was just a naive 16 year old girl about to lose her baby how could they be so cruel.

GrumpySausage · 09/08/2021 18:55

Very very minor compared to a lot of these.

Mil went on holiday the day after I had DD by c section. It was summer 2018 so a heatwave and I didn't get out of hospital for 3 days. On her return from holiday, actually said to me 'thought you'd have gone round to water my plants, they've all died'. (She never asked and why was it my fault, not her darling sons?!) I did say 'well I've been a bit busy' whilst breastfeeding her 1 week old grand daughter.

Fil visited from abroad when DD was about 4 weeks old. I'd got mastitis and was 4 weeks post c section. He did his usual trick, drank loads, expected lifts to the pub, and slept in until lunch on our sofa. That was fun entertaining the toddler DS as well as breastfeeding DD. Luckily dh put his foot down and said I needed space and took him to SIL to stay.

DD also had bad milk spots and her face was quite red. First time FIL saw her the very first thing he said 'those spots, you need to sort them'. As I mentioned above I was suffering with mastitis and he'd insisted meeting in a pub so I walked to the loo and cried. DH and SIL gave him short shrift.

❤ to those with terrible stories. X

Comedycook · 09/08/2021 19:04

@youlookingatme

. So sorry to hear your sad story

supersop60 · 09/08/2021 19:05

@rainraingoaway333

My midwife told me to shut up during labour (because she was trying to fill out paperwork).

My midwife told me not to scream (dr was inserting forceps at the end of 27hr labour). Her name was Mercy, but she showed none.

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