What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

I had dc 3 at 6 am. My dm was having dc 1 +2 as dh was a work as usual man (twat).. Unfortunately dm fell in the school run and was taken for surgery on a badly broken arm. Unknown to me as before mobile phones... I was out of hospital that afternoon (a friend's dh managed to get a message to me ) and collected both dc from school with dc 3 in the pram.
Despite ils living opposite the school.. Apparently they couldn't collect as sil was there with her dc..
Dc lived in the ils street and was in fact there every day.
Except Monday and Thursday between 3.30 and 5pm which was out slot.
Ds3 arrived not on our day so they couldn't help out.

Flip me,I've only read to page seven and I can't believe how rude some people are.

I've been lucky with family and friends mostly - the worst we had was husband's grandma hanging around for about four hours waiting for the week old baby to wake so she could cuddle it. She asked if I would wake him so she could hold him. I said no.

When I was talking to someone else I noticed her poking him to wake him. Not a gentle stroke of the cheek, but a big old jab in the ribs.

I really struggled to breastfeed, traumatic birth, sleepy jaundiced baby etc. One midwife was so lovely and so patient with me. Helped me get him latched on, helped lift him for me, very encouraging.

In the middle of the night he cried and I buzzed to get help lifting him. The one who came then told me I'd never get out of hospital if I kept "carrying on like this". I kept saying I felt so tired and she basically said I wasn't the first woman to go through labour. The next time I got up to lift him, collapsed on the floor and couldn't breathe. Turns out my haemoglobin was below the level they normally transfuse at and I was really I'll and needed a blood transfusion.

The next time that midwife was on shift she gave a tinkly laugh and said "oh turns out you really weren't very well after all!". As if I had made it up.

My Dad commenting that one of my low birthweight twins was essentially a disappointing runt and should be 'sent back'.

It was the beginning of the end of my relationship with him following years of his abuse. A few years later he very helpfully died.

Midwife not believing me when I said I had a connective tissue disorder at my booking appointment. Fair enough. I then had to be induced due to worries about ds measuring big and another midwife getting into a flap throwing around words like
Hydrocephaly sending my bp through the roof. I’m induced. Have a ridiculously fast labour causing my uterus to tear in the process and ending in an emergency section as my pelvis dislocated due to fast labour. Ds in SCBU for a few days for pneumonia after inhaling fluid. I’m stitched up no real dramas as both okay. Surgeon sees me next day and explains the tear was caused by how fast labour was etc would have been missed if I hadn’t had a section. Did I have any conditions that cause hyperextenions or dislocations? I explain the issue with the first midwife notice believing me with my connective tissue disorder as I’d never had a biopsy to prove it (never needed it as it’s so blindingly obvious I have it). She hits the roof as I should never have been induced with that disorder without prior checks etc as it could have killed both me and ds!!!

What amazes me is how many of these horrible incidents are perpetrated by supposed saints of the HCP

The young midwife who told me I had to try harder to breastfeed, when I asked for a bottle of formula. My nipples were black/purple & had had an emergency caesarean the morning before. Colostrum doesn’t kick in immediately & my baby was very hungry. This deep angry voice said “get me a bottle of formula NOW!”. She ran away & a grown up midwife came with formula. Started to breastfeed the next day & didn’t have any problems at all!

Jesus Goldie. Unfortunately that reminds me of an incident with ds dad (thought not a fraction as bad)
We went to local town to meet his dad and partner, their first time seeing ds.... He was our first, I was really struggling.
Met in a pub, partner has a beer with his dad and dads partner, i was delighted for them to meet him as they are brilliant people... But I said we had to go after a couple of drinks, as had to get back home and I was not at all confident yet with being out too long. We leave, walking down the high street to the carpark...pass a pub, he went to go in, I was so anxious by this time to get home so I got annoyed, ignored him and kept going with the buggy.... He comes after me, middle of the day, busy high street, "I was only messing, you're no fucking fun"
First, he wasn't messing he was chancing his arm, and secondly it's not fun having a newborn when you're still recovering and don't know what the fuck you're doing as it's so new
Then because he was in a huff I had to get baby into the car and collapse the buggy (monstrosity his mother bought us without any regard for what I wanted or the fact I wanted to choose one) by myself despite it being an awkward thing... I'm well rid of that asshole and his toxic mother

@Mumdiva99 I was on the ward with my experience on Xmas Eve also
Couldn't move... stuck to the bed
Never felt so shit in my whole life!
That's awful what you had to go through it really does affect you afterwards doesn't it, my son is 3 on December 23rd and I still think about it very often
I thought that was normal treatment until I had my 2nd son 12 months later and that was a wonderful experience, I was so worried the whole of my second pregnancy that I was going to be treated so awfully again

MIL reported me to social services because I was breastfeeding.
She wanted me investigated for peadophilia and told me that breastfed babies die very quickly.

My DD was born by emergency section after 29 hrs in labour, I had a general, a blood transfusion and although at the time I didn’t realise, the start of PND. It was a very traumatic (so traumatic I didn’t have another baby for 7 years). I came out of hospital after a week and MIL came to visit. The house was chaos and I had a mountain of ironing, I was not well enough to do anything. MIL said I’ll hold the baby when you do the ironing. I declined her offer and my lovely SIL came round the next day , brought a food shop, put food on and cleaned the house and did all the ironing whilst I cuddled my new baby. She also told her mum off!

FIL asked me if anyone had mistaken me for my twins grandmother when they were less than two weeks old

@greyinganddecaying

I really struggled with breastfeeding. 4 days after the birth (still in hospital) I had to have a CT scan (suspected PE) so needed to pump milk as I couldn't feed for 12 hours afterwards.

Hardly got anything through pumping. Was worried about this & went to ask for advice at the midwife station, the HCA actually laughed at me and said "I'd expect that little after 4 hours, not 4 days!" I was in tears on the phone to DP as that was the last thing I needed.

I'd always been told that if I wanted to BF then any formula should be given to baby via a cup/spoon - returned from the CT scan to a HCA bottle feeding my baby (despite me telling them).

I left hospital doing combination feeding. DS was a hungry baby so even after my milk had come in & BF was established, he would regularly want more and would have a bottle of formula after a breastfeed. Visited a very pro-BF friend who saw me giving him formula and pretty much shouted at me "what are you doing giving him that?? He doesn't need it, look at him, he's fine without it!". I told her that how I feed my baby is not up for discussion. The friendship has never really recovered.

There is no need to pump and dump for 12 hours after a CT with contrast. A nuclear medicine scan, yes, but not a CT.

Ok, this seems minor compared to some posts, but 13. years on it still enrages me.

I stayed overnight in hospital after DS3 was born in the evening. DH went home and in the morning brought DS1 and DS2 back with him to the hospital. Thirty seconds after they arrived, this older woman who was there taking some kind of survey for Pamper or something walked into my room, saw my two sons sitting on the bed with me and the baby, happily chattering to their new little brother, tickling his tiny toes, full of delight, and said "Aww. It won't last, though." The red mist came down and I told her to get out.

I'm still enraged that she was even there, let alone barging into a special family moment, and to then say something so negative and cynical to us was just hateful. I'm still angry with that awful woman for ruining that moment for me.

I'd like to find her and let her know that all three boys are now teenagers and DS1 and DS2 still adore DS3. Whenever we go anywhere DS1 and DS2 always walk on either side of him, tucking him affectionately between them for safety. The older two have had their battles, but have never had a cross word for the little one. Take that, Pampers bitch.

Went to GP for 6 week check up - he looked at my DS and told me he had a dimple at the base of his spine and he had Spina bifida. No explanations, no ‘it might be so let’s get it checked out’. It was ‘your baby had Spina Bifida, the paediatrician will speak to you when you get your referral’.
Agonising wait for referral of about 3 weeks (9 years ago so lucky it wasn’t longer!) - consultant took precisely 30 seconds to look at DS and say he was absolutely fine.

Oh I've got loads.... The acquaintance I bumped into when dc1 was about 2 weeks old who remarked I still looked pregnant ( my bump took a good while to go down) .... or ex dp who told me 5 weeks post partum that he would leave me if I didn't have sex with him. Both pretty memorable. Fwiw I left aforementioned dp before dd was a year old and never regretted it and havent seen the hideous acquaintance since, thank god!

It was just before DD was born. I worked almost till my due date and the week before I finished work, I had to go to a conference an hour and a half away on the train. The train was packed and after standing for an hour, I was about to collapse. I asked the nearest seated person, a man in a business suit, if I could possibly sit down as I was feeling quite unwell. He smiled at me nastily and said no, that was my husband's problem, not his.
When DD was about a month old, I was asked by a member of staff not to breastfeed in the cafe at an aquarium in the north west, and told that there were chairs in the Ladies' available to use.

My ex's grandparents took my ds to the Chapel when he was 6 weeks old and asked the priest if he would baptise him without us knowing

My SIL initiated a vote amongst DH’s family, saying that if I didn’t feed my baby solids before 6 months, I would starve her to death. They all put their hands up as they voted (all saying that I would indeed starve her to death)! My DD was a very small 8 week old at the time and I was an exhausted first-time new mother. SIL is much better these days but I can never forgive or forget this.

youlookingatme So sorry to hear your story, people can be vile.

I was adopted in the 60s, and recently got my birth papers. I had been told that my birth mother disappeared, in fact she had had post partum psychosis for 3 months after my birth. She was in a catholic mother and baby home and my heart breaks to think how she was treated by the horrible judgemental nuns. She was only 19 and had been brought up in care

My now ex mil, said to my ex, she'd have rather my daughter had blond hair and blue eyes and not the brown hair and eyes she has.

Colicky breast fed baby.... DFIL suggested there might be something wrong with my milk ....

When I had a DS after my first baby being a DD.
MIL told me "now you have a son, you will know how much a mother can love her child", then made some reference to "I know you love DD, but it's not the same".

**My baby was 2 months early.

My uncle posted a congratulatory post on my Facebook before I'd even told anyone but insists family. He was with my mum when she found out and posted immediately.

I then had to deal with a influx of texts and phone calls from worried people before I could even process what was happening.

I hadn't even held my baby.

Was the baby ok? We also had a prem baby last year.

I am Rhesus negative so had to have an anti D injection after my first son was born but unfortunately before I had ds I had a mc and I had not had an anti D so when I had ds2 he needed to be in the scbu to see if he developed jaundice within the following 12 hours. It would have been better if I had been told before he was born that this would happen but what was worse was that if a baby went into the scbu you were asked if you wanted the baby babtised which really sent me into a panic.

The other thing was while he was in the unit I was not allowed to visit ds with my Dh as parents could only visit together after the mother had gone home. Also when ds1 came to visit me he wasn’t allowed to look at ds2 through the window. I am sure this was all done to help prevent infection but the sister on the ward had a shocking cold.

This all happened 40 years ago but it is terrible that so many new mothers are going through similar things today. When will the treatment of mothers change?

@TooTrusting

When I had a DS after my first baby being a DD. MIL told me "now you have a son, you will know how much a mother can love her child", then made some reference to "I know you love DD, but it's not the same".

Does your DH have a sister?