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Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
blairresignationjam · 08/08/2021 16:51

@Iwantcauliflowercheese what an evil bastard Angry

trappedsincesundaymorn · 08/08/2021 16:52

After 3 LTM's and a stillbirth, baby no 5 was born full-term and healthy. My (now thankfully ex), MiL's first words to me were "well at least she's alive, shame she's not a boy though"

Littlekittyscupcake · 08/08/2021 16:53

SIL brought my niece and nephew round to meet my days old premature newborn and they were covered in chicken pox spots. I was told they had crusted over but they made no mention of it at all before their arrival. They could have left it another week FFS.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 08/08/2021 16:55

@Redannie118

First DC. 6 weeks in hospital with pre eclampsia. Emergency C section. DH refused to feed, change or get up with baby. Screamed at me if i came home and house wasnt spotless. Baby had colic and DH would scream at me if he was crying. It was my fault- i was a bad mother. Stayed out the house for 15 hours per day. Would go out all day on days off. Made me walk home from the shops 7 weeks after c section( when i shouldnt have even been out the house but he wouldnt go to the shops) in 6 inches of snow. I had rang him and begged for a lift, but he was watching football. Got screamed at when i got home for asking. Had an affair a few weeks later which was my fault as i only ever cared about the baby. Due to all this i developed severe PTSD. Baby never slept( later found out he had ASD) and I was so exhausted i was hallucinating. Was on the highest dose of valium and self harming every day. Begged my mum for help, support or even just some sympathy. She refused. Said I had to manage myself and then would take my( Older than me) brother out for the day cos he was " Feeling a bit low bless him" I never forgave her.
I am so sorry to read this, poor you, it beggars belief that people can be so vile. I hope he's an ex now. So many horror stories on this thread.
carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 08/08/2021 16:58

We live in a market town, it was really hot after I’d had DS and as DH was bringing me home from hospital with the baby I asked if he could stop to let me nip in and grab a couple of cheap tops from the one chain shop (just really wanted a non maternity t shirt and knew my old ones wouldn’t yet fit). Grabbed a couple and was paying while DH waited outside when a kind looking lady in her 50s asked when I was due. I said I had had the baby the day before and briefly explained. She burst out laughing and pointed at me and said you are joking!! I thought you were still pregnant looking like that!!

I had had the baby the day before….

Whereland · 08/08/2021 17:00

This will sound so silly but bothered me at the time- mil was holding my newborn just after a feed. She started saying to him in a sing song voice "oh you've got gunk in your mouth! Look at that gunk in your mouth!"- I was tempted to shout ITS BREASTMILK NOT GUNK. I know she meant absolutely nothing by it but I was fuming at the time 😂

eeyoreismyfavourite · 08/08/2021 17:04

I have three dcs, all Caesarian births, when we told my (now ex)MIL she told me I should get them to tie my tubes at the same time as getting baby out

Comedycook · 08/08/2021 17:05

I was discharged from hospital at 11pm, two hours after giving birth. I was starving as was dh. We decided to get a takeaway but wanted different things...I thought as I'd literally just given birth, I'd get my way. Well I did get my way but he whinged and moaned incessantly over it. I absolutely do not forgive him for this and I bring it up in every disagreement we have despite it being over a decade ago.

FictionalCharacter · 08/08/2021 17:07

@PizzaCrust That HCA shouldn’t be working in healthcare.
Some healthcare workers including doctors, midwives and nurses are really callous and spiteful. I’ve had bad experiences with quite a few. I do find the hero-worship of health workers, as if they’re all selfless angels, quite hard to stomach.
Flowers

celticecho · 08/08/2021 17:07

My child's grandfather told me that "all babies are ugly at that age". She was 3 days old and in the neonatal unit after being born prematurely!! I was devastated!!

MattyGroves · 08/08/2021 17:11

I gave birth at around 3am, got home at 5pmish. My dad said "oh, DH must be so tired" Hmm we both got the same amount of sleep but one of us gave birth...

Honourable mention to the lady who tutted at me for breastfeeding my 2 week old in the hospital after he had had a blood test. Made up for by the doctor walking behind her who rolled her eyes at the woman and gave me a grin

Crossstitchismyhobby · 08/08/2021 17:14

My family
To set the scene,I was 19,single parent,first baby and not very confident
I was due to get out of hospital and my mother made it clear she was picking me up
Ok-she’ll drop us at home and I can crawl into bed with my baby and get some rest
Nope-she took us to her house,where every single person from her side of the family (3 sisters,their kids,some random great uncle and my grandparents) where there-along with about 10 of her mates and their kids (so no joke,about 40 people)
I had my father giving me shit about not being able to breastfeed,my grandmother was giving me shit about not using washable nappies/using a dummy/her outfit,my grandfather was pissed my baby was a girl,while my baby was being passed from person to person getting more and more unsettled
I demanded my baby back-only to be told I was selfish,greedy,nasty and they’d ring ss to take her away if I carried on being a bad mother
I got her back for a nappy change and I burst into tears-I just wanted to go home

I got dumped off with all my bags at the end of my street with a flea in my ear about ‘ruining my Mother’s special time showing off her granddaughter’ and we’d been home about an hour when she rang to scream at me for stealing some shitty bracelet-I hadn’t seen it let alone stolen it (I never did find out who had taken it)

I wouldn’t put up with it now

Same woman with the next few babies-‘oh better luck next time-boys are shit’

Finally had the (next) prized granddaughter-she refused to have anything to do with her!

We are now nc and I can’t believe I put up with it

RowanAlong · 08/08/2021 17:19

Told me to ‘try harder...’

Emilyontmoor · 08/08/2021 17:21

When my DD was three months she developed a bald patch at the back of her head from sitting in the babyseat . I had one that moved from car to pram to house and she always had to be sat up looking out ir she would scream. As I was lifting her out of the pram in Boots an older woman walked up and said “What a beautiful baby”, then when she saw the bald patch “Oh dear, sign of a neglected baby” ……..

Antinerak · 08/08/2021 17:24

A close relative died in childbirth and her baby boy passed in my arms not long after. DH and I sat in a private room at the hospital holding him for a little while. A nurse walked in to offer us tea and after noticing DH had his arm around my shoulders said "It's a bit soon for hanky panky isn't it? Wait till you get home at least!" She knew the baby in our arms was dead and was shocked that we didn't cackle along with her. When DH mentioned it to the midwife she said it was 'lighthearted' and a 'non-issue'.

Comedycook · 08/08/2021 17:25

@Antinerak

A close relative died in childbirth and her baby boy passed in my arms not long after. DH and I sat in a private room at the hospital holding him for a little while. A nurse walked in to offer us tea and after noticing DH had his arm around my shoulders said "It's a bit soon for hanky panky isn't it? Wait till you get home at least!" She knew the baby in our arms was dead and was shocked that we didn't cackle along with her. When DH mentioned it to the midwife she said it was 'lighthearted' and a 'non-issue'.
Shock What a sad story Flowers
NormanSicily · 08/08/2021 17:31

My Midwife said I needed to see the GP as I was obviously very depressed. I made an appointment with a GP, older, male, and poured my heart out to him. He sat there with an impassive face and when I had finished (snot everywhere) announced 'Well, I really don't understand why you have come to me and what you think I can do about it?'. I went into the appointment feeling like a total failure and left feeling even worse. Luckily my Mum scooped me off to live with her for three months, I'm not sure I would still be here if she hadn't...

INeedtobealone · 08/08/2021 17:31

Mine was the so called breastfeeding expert midwife who came into my room after I had DS and told me she 'ought to take that off me', pointing at the small bottle of formula I had on the side.

When she came in I was actually breastfeeding DS but dh had nipped into town to get some bits as we were in hospital longer than we expected after a long induction, third degree tear and a haemorrhage and he had left some on the side so I didn't have to worry about getting up or asking anyone one else to get some as thanks to the haemorrhage my milk wasn't coming in.

PizzaCrust · 08/08/2021 17:32

@FictionalCharacter

I agree wholeheartedly and I’m sorry you also had to experience that, too. It really is so shit when you’re at your most vulnerable and/or worried sick. It’s why I never clapped for the NHS- after you have people behaving like that towards you, you really lose respect for the institution.

Obviously I did have some lovely midwives (my second birth went much better even in Covid times and I had some lovely midwives and a consultant who really looked after me), but you never forget the ones who made you feel so utterly useless and small. It sticks with you.

Reading some of these responses really hits home. So so many people work for the NHS who haven’t got a caring bone in their body. It’s appalling.

AnxiousPixie · 08/08/2021 17:33

By a health visitor: that I had 'given' my son excema because I had 'failed' to breastfeed.

BiscuitLover09876 · 08/08/2021 17:37

It's so different when you have a newborn. Someone else kissing them feels so gross! I didnt like that either. I also had the family members trying to take him from me when he cried. Still hurts thinking about it.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 08/08/2021 17:38

Was accused of causing my father in laws nervous breakdown because id gone round to their house to get dd when some friends said they were coming.

DD was only a few weeks old and whilst I didnt mind mil having she absolutely wasnt to be left alone with fil and for good reason. Especially as he went on a rampage the next day.

I could write a book about the things that woman did including turning up in the middle of the night with binbags and taking back everything she'd ever bought (( mainly shite so I didnt care, but even so)) because we asked her to stop constantly buying stuff as we were living in my mums small house and didnt have room for things like 3 prams......no matter how much of a bargain they were. Hmm

BiscuitLover09876 · 08/08/2021 17:38

All different by the time they're toddlers Grin

Sadiecow · 08/08/2021 17:40

@Antinerak

A close relative died in childbirth and her baby boy passed in my arms not long after. DH and I sat in a private room at the hospital holding him for a little while. A nurse walked in to offer us tea and after noticing DH had his arm around my shoulders said "It's a bit soon for hanky panky isn't it? Wait till you get home at least!" She knew the baby in our arms was dead and was shocked that we didn't cackle along with her. When DH mentioned it to the midwife she said it was 'lighthearted' and a 'non-issue'.
That's awful, I'm so sorry for you. Thanks
17caterpillars1mouse · 08/08/2021 17:41

Midwife came round for the home from hospital visit after I'd been in hospital 3 days as first dd wouldn't eat, feeling stressed and emotional. She asked dds name, which isn't a common name, but is a known name with a lot of history, and she pulled such a nasty face, it was so so unnecessarily and uncalled for