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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandfather Sleeps in bed with 17 year old grandson

199 replies

Hothammock · 07/08/2021 13:16

As title.

Happens On family hols, when staying over at relatives houses and over many years. They choose this sleeping arrangement.
Grandson used to spend a lot of time with grand parents when small and it seems to have just been a sleeping arrangement that has kept on as he has got bigger and bigger. Grandmother is in the picture and chooses to sleep on sofa or air bed.

Aibu - this is really weird behaviour and should not be normalised and it's OK for me to refuse to go on hols with them or allow my kids to stay over as they obviously don't have normal boundaries

Yabu-this is withing the realm of normal family relationships and get over it

OP posts:
Original poster
Hothammock · 07/08/2021 13:17

Sorry messed up my voting, obv yanbu relates to the first description

OP posts:
Imonlydoingwhatican · 07/08/2021 13:20

At 17 he should be sleeping on sofa so grandma can have her bed.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 07/08/2021 13:20

I think it's unusual that the gs is willing to continue the arrangement.

I would have thought it better to have the grandparents sharing a bed and the gs on the sofa.

But to each their own. As long as gs isn't coerced or pressured into it, it wouldn't bother me. Or are you implying there's something more to it?

FelicityBeedle · 07/08/2021 13:21

I’m 23 and still sleep in the same bed as my grandma if needed to fit in a house, doesn’t seem weird to me

fourminutestosavetheworld · 07/08/2021 13:22

Not sure why you'd refuse to go on holidays unless sleeping arrangements impact you.

I wouldn't want my child staying over unless he had his own bed.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 07/08/2021 13:22

Totally weird and inappropriate.

budgun · 07/08/2021 13:22

Why would you refuse to go on holiday because of someone else's sleeping arrangements? I honestly couldn't give a fuck who sleeps where. It's sleep we are talking about, right?

ImFree2doasiwant · 07/08/2021 13:23

I used to sleep with my nan. I don't know what age I would have stopped (she passed away).

There shouldn't be an issue but I can't help feeling its odd. I'd be expecting the 17 yr old to take the sofa instead of his grandmother

Cocomade · 07/08/2021 13:23

Don't get why it would make you refuse to go on holidays and stop kids sleeping over tbh.
It wouldn't bother me. Their sleeping. In bed.

00100001 · 07/08/2021 13:25

It's weird that the 17yo doesn't insist on his Nan having the bed and him on the airbed/sofa.

I'd wonder how I'd fucked up so bad with my son of he was happily sending Nan Tina temporary bed.

OneEpisode · 07/08/2021 13:25

My dsis used to accompany our parents on holiday and share a room with grandma, which usually meant sharing a double bed. She did this until she was 30 and grandma was nearly 90. But in this case, as pp asked, why aren’t the gps sharing and the grandson on the air bed?

Original poster
Hothammock · 07/08/2021 13:26

@fourminutestosavetheworld in the sense that I don't feel comfortable about it so wouldn't want to host them in this arrangement or stay in same house with this arrangement.
Basically yes I think it is weird and don't like the way I'm made to feel I am the weird one for not liking this. Relying on the wisdom of aibu to get a sense check here.

OP posts:
ClemDanFango · 07/08/2021 13:26

Well they’re family why shouldn’t they? My nan and I shared a bed on a holiday once it was great fun talking into the night about her childhood memories and reminiscing about when I was small. Why does it have to be some sinister thing?

lotsofdogshere · 07/08/2021 13:26

I don’t understand why any 17 year old would take the bed, leaving grannie on the sofa. It doesn’t feel like a good situation

GreatAuntEmily · 07/08/2021 13:27

How confident and assured is the 17 year old - successful, happy etc?

icedcoffees · 07/08/2021 13:28

As long as everyone is happy with the arrangement, I don't see that it's any of your business.

But personally I wouldn't share a bed with a parent or grandparent unless there was no choice (eg. no other space/sofa) and at 17 I wouldn't see my grandma sleeping on the sofa so I could have a bed either.

Kanaloa · 07/08/2021 13:29

It’s weird that the grandma sleeps on the sofa. Like sometimes I go to stay with my auntie for the night and I bunk in with her so the kids can have the bunk beds with her granddaughter, but if she was married I wouldn’t be getting my uncle to move so I could specifically share with her. It just seems like it would be more convenient for grandparents to stay in bed and him go wherever his grandma would sleep.

So if it was just for convenience I wouldn’t find it weird, but I find it odd that they go out of their way to share a bed.

maddening · 07/08/2021 13:32

I shared a bed with my gran when we were on hols and the bedroom arrangements needed it, don't see the problem

kowari · 07/08/2021 13:32

I don't see an issue with two men sharing a bed, if they are in boxers or pjs then it's no different to sleeping side by side in a tent, it's just a sleeping space. Odd for a young man to not insist an older person has the bed and he has the sofa though.

maddening · 07/08/2021 13:33

But gdad was not there and no one on the sofa

kowari · 07/08/2021 13:34

Maybe gdad snores and grandmother is happy for a break.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 07/08/2021 13:34

Well I think it's really odd but....

  1. A mum and her 17 YO daughter wouldnt usually be seen as odd (it might be more so if the 17 YOs dad/mums husband was on a sofa bed). So would her grandmother? Because if it wouldn't then it's the same thing really, and if it would are we saying it's because when it's an older person it's "creepy"?
  1. Similar to that is it a sex bias argument? Because is it that it's "wrong" becuase it two males? Is it thatit's "wrong" because it's the grandad and not a 17 YO bunking up with his dad? Is it then becuase we think of "creepy old men"?

So we need to know what exactly it is we don't like about it before we can rationalise it to ourselves about if it's bad or not. Everyone will have their own ideas on what it is about it they don't like.

But TBH even taking out the sharing a bed it's unusual for an older adult to give up their bed with their partner so a 17 YO can sleep in there and they, the older adult, gets a sofa bed.

I think that's more unusual than two people of the same sex sharing a bed on a holiday, because if there was no more beds or people on the holiday it seems a normal thing to do to just share, but it's less normal to actually want to share when you dont need to.

Twoforthree · 07/08/2021 13:35

Not a problem if there is no other options, but in this case there is another option. Gp’s have bed. Gs on the sofa or air bed.

Unless there are snoring issues etc. Do gp’s share a bed at home?

MiaMarshmallows · 07/08/2021 13:35

Sorry I would not find that appropriate.

budgun · 07/08/2021 13:36

If any of the posters who think it's not appropriate could say why I would be interested to hear it.