Grandfather Sleeps in bed with 17 year old grandson

[Hothammock]

As title.

Happens On family hols, when staying over at relatives houses and over many years. They choose this sleeping arrangement.
Grandson used to spend a lot of time with grand parents when small and it seems to have just been a sleeping arrangement that has kept on as he has got bigger and bigger. Grandmother is in the picture and chooses to sleep on sofa or air bed.

Aibu - this is really weird behaviour and should not be normalised and it's OK for me to refuse to go on hols with them or allow my kids to stay over as they obviously don't have normal boundaries

Yabu-this is withing the realm of normal family relationships and get over it

@Iusedtobesoooomuchfun

Can people explain why they wouldn't be comfortable with it?

Yes. Bed sharing beyond a young age, especially with a male relative can be a safeguarding red flag and is something you learn in safeguarding training.

Seems weird to me, too! I can't imagine wanting to share a bed with a grandparent at that age, especially if it meant booting the other grandparent out of bed. The young, healthy teenager should be sleeping on the sofa/air bed, if anyone is.

I wouldn't like to tell them that it's weird, though, even though I think it is! I'd try to find some way of putting a stop to it without having to give my real reasons.

OK, so what do you do if you see a red flag? Is it best to talk to the victim first?

If they were choosing a holiday cottage to stay in, would they purposely choose a double bed to share?

@Nancydrawn

Would you feel uncomfortable if your daughter bunked with her grandmother, while her grandfather took the couch?

Yes,

Why isn't the child/young adult taking the couch? I was always taught to give best sleeping arrangement to elders.

I would sometimes start of in grandparents bed and then be moved to couch when adults all went to bed.

In this scenario for OP - her son is a grown man.

@CrazyNeighbour I assume you've never left your children with anyone ever? Never left them with a grandparent, babysitter, nursery, school?

I find it weird… more because the wife is on the sofa?
Surely the son is on the sofa and the grandparents together? That’s what makes it weird.

It's not in itself odd. However, Grandma on the sofa and not a bed, thats not on.

It's not that weird for grandma to sleep on the sofa. Mil always sleeps on the sofa at our house. She won't sleep anywhere else. And i don't own a gun!

I think its weird TBH. I used to sleep with my DGM in her bed .However stopped when I was about 15! Does the GS have any issues ,is he on the Spectrum? What happens when he gets a GF ?!

Nothing weird to share bed with your family, if that is what you are used to, which the 17 year old in question is, for what you say.
He is, though, at an age at which he should consider his DGM's comfort. At least the sofa is really comfy?
You do seem to have something else on your mind though.... it either you find it weird because co-sleeping does not happen on your family, or friends growing up, or you have observed something else?

There is NOTHING normal about grandma sleeping on a sofa so her husband can share a bed with a 17 year old boy.

There is no way my children would be around those people at all, even if I was supervising.

Please don’t give into any pressure that this is normal OP. Do what is right for your children.

If the grandmother usually sleeps on the sofa, that's a totally different situation. In that case, yes, I'd expect the grandson to sleep wherever's available to cause the least disruption to his grandparents.

But as OP didn't say that Grandma usually sleeps on the sofa, isn't it more likely that she doesn't?

V inappropriate- no adult opts to sleep with a near adult child with their spouse taking the couch.

To be fair. Anyone could sexually abuse our kids. CRB checks mean nothing.

That’s a hard one. I still share a bed with my Mum if we go away for a weekend etc, I’m 31. I’ve got many friends who do the same. Is this perhaps a sex bias thing? If it was gran and granddaughter would people feel the same?

@Nowhereelsetogo90

That’s a hard one. I still share a bed with my Mum if we go away for a weekend etc, I’m 31. I’ve got many friends who do the same. Is this perhaps a sex bias thing? If it was gran and granddaughter would people feel the same?

Ask yourself if you would share a bed with your dad at 31

@Nowhereelsetogo90 I am assuming you are not kicking a partner out of the bed so you can share with your mum

OP had nowhere said that the grandfather is choosing this. It is more likely that the grandmother is deciding the sleeping arrangements and everyone else is going along with it. Maybe she does want a break from the snoring. Maybe she is from an era that considers the needs of males to be more important ( sadly) On the face of it it is an odd arrangement but I would want to know more before leaping to wild conclusions about child abuse.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if it wasn’t for the fact that his grandmother is having to sleep on the sofa.