Is this mum a CF?

[roonthebend]

I am single mum to a 9 year old boy. There's another boy the same age who my son has became pally with in recent weeks. They are constantly going to each other's door to see if the other wants to come out to play and I was happy he had someone to play with. Frequently the little boy will come here and I will feed him which is fine. It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home - again fine.

However, two nights ago he came for my son, it was 7 at night, had had a busy day so didn't really want another kid in the house. My son started putting on his shoes to go to the park and the little boy said 'my mum said I've not to go to the park' so in he came. His mum then came for him about an hour later which was strange as she usually just texts me to send him down.

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed with constant kids in the house and it's never reciprocated, as I've said my son hasn't been in their house. I'm happy he has someone to play with though and don't want to ruin that.

Is the mum a CF? And if so how do I handle this?

Just tell him your busy they will get the message soon enough.

"Sorry but this doesnt work for me so Ill be sending the boys to your house today."

Sorry, but this is simple. "sorry, no visitors in the house today, bye"

Text back to mum. Sorry we are busy just now and can't host your son this afternoon. My son could come to yours though if that suits?. Very happy to have him in general but probably best for you to check diaries with me before you send him over in future

Just say no to the boy at the door.

I’d say, “I’m sorry I’m busy today, so X play here”

Sorry X can’t play here!

Definitely CF

Send the kid back home and text her to say it’s not convenient for him to come over. Repeat until she gets the message.

Yes other mum is a cf

I'd really want to text reply to the mum "I'm not your childcare. Stop sending your son over to my house, this isn't even at all. If the boys want to go to the park together that's fine by me."

What @weltenbummler said is perfect and yes she’s a CF

Based on this it's hard to say if she's a CF or not but it's easily resolved with "Not today Henry." And a message to the mum reiterating that you've sent him home as today doesn't work for you.

With regards to your son not being to his - it's a difficult one because there could be all manner of reasons behind it and not necessarily nefarious. A friend I had growing up always used to come round to mine - it later transpired that her flat that she lived in with her mum was pretty run down and had damp which I suppose the mother was ashamed by.

Next time he comes round, send your son back over with hers, then text her with the time to have him back. Or just send him over.

If she's a CF I wouldn't be surprised though if she says it's not convenient, but then you'll know where you stand and start doing the same

Personally I couldnt say no to a child stood at the door. I would text the parent and say something along the lines of could you please check before sending X as you have a busy day and it's not possible to have him at your house etc etc. Then maybe suggest that your child could go to their house instead and see what the reply/reaction is.
There could be issues as to why the child seems to be at yours a lot or why your child hasnt been to theirs.
I would want to know more

You are being used for free holidays childcare.
Knock it on the head op

If you haven’t spoken to her it’s difficult to gauge. She might not be “sending” him to you - maybe he says “can I go and play with George?”, and off he goes and her text to you is making sure he comes back when she wants him rather than expecting you to keep him until then.

You clearly have each other’s phone numbers so why not just give her a call and work out whether you’re on the same page or not / establish some boundaries for when your boys can call on each other and when you’d prefer they didn’t because mealtime / bedtime / other plans.

YANBU, definitely a CF.
Start sending him home for tea and find a reason to send him away some of the times he knocks.
Sorry, I'm busy today, you can both go to the park or play at friend's house,.
Sorry, I'm taking DS to buy school uniform mow, you'll have to go home.
I'm sorry it's pouring with rain, but I have a headache so you'll have to go home.
Text back and say, 5pm doesn't work for me and send him home at 4pm.
Send DS to knock and tell him to say we're not allowed at our house today.
Take DS to the cinema and send friend home as you & DS time.
Etc.

Just because a child knocks on the door, it doesn't mean you have to let him in, give him meals and take care of him while his mum's off having a nice time on her own!

Just say, "Not today, we've got a lot on" and just let them go to the park together but not have house visits.

It's normal to alternate play dates - if someone doesn't do that a few times then give up on them.

When he arrives saying he's not allowed to the park I'd text her and say X is here and the boys want to go to the park. Find out why she says he's not allowed.

It may be the boy saying that as he likes to play with your ds' toys and eat the food you give him, I wouldn't be too confrontational but would check with the mum. 'Hi, I'm cleaning today so they can't come in but can go over the park, my ds knows to come in at 5 so I'll make sure your ds heads home then too'

@Herecomesthesun70

When he arrives saying he's not allowed to the park I'd text her and say X is here and the boys want to go to the park. Find out why she says he's not allowed.

I’d assume because if he’s at their house she knows where he is and the at he’s being supervised. I expect most parents, if asked by their DC “can I go and call on George to play” would say “yes, but you stay at his house/garden and don’t go wandering off to the park or shops because I want to know where you are.” She may not necessarily be cheekily saying “you go over go George’s house all day so his mum can look after you whilst I’m out and then I’ll come and get you later.”

Before you send him away, find out if his mother is at home. DD2 had a friend who showed up like that. I never even met the mother, just got a message. One Friday night I said "No" and sent her home. Found her on my front porch Saturday morning. Mom had gone out of town with boyfriend over the weekend and left the child. She had spent the night alone in her house (got in through the back window) but was scared and came to us the next day.

Next time he knocks and your ds wants to play I'd go to the door and explain ds will come with him back to his house today as you're cleaning.
If ds is bold and would happily knock for this boy then tell him he can go knock for him instead ( and see if he gets through the door). Ideally it will be raining heavily so Mum can't suggest they play at the park.

I'll bet your son is told they're busy!

@GeorgiaGirl52

Before you send him away, find out if his mother is at home. DD2 had a friend who showed up like that. I never even met the mother, just got a message. One Friday night I said "No" and sent her home. Found her on my front porch Saturday morning. Mom had gone out of town with boyfriend over the weekend and left the child. She had spent the night alone in her house (got in through the back window) but was scared and came to us the next day.

My dd had a friend who always came to my house , turned out her father worked late and she hated being alone .