Is this mum a CF?

[roonthebend]

I am single mum to a 9 year old boy. There's another boy the same age who my son has became pally with in recent weeks. They are constantly going to each other's door to see if the other wants to come out to play and I was happy he had someone to play with. Frequently the little boy will come here and I will feed him which is fine. It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home - again fine.

However, two nights ago he came for my son, it was 7 at night, had had a busy day so didn't really want another kid in the house. My son started putting on his shoes to go to the park and the little boy said 'my mum said I've not to go to the park' so in he came. His mum then came for him about an hour later which was strange as she usually just texts me to send him down.

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed with constant kids in the house and it's never reciprocated, as I've said my son hasn't been in their house. I'm happy he has someone to play with though and don't want to ruin that.

Is the mum a CF? And if so how do I handle this?

“I’ve actually just sent him back. Not a good time for visitors today so I’ve told them they can play at yours or the park. Let me know what suits”

Definitely agree with posters saying you should turn him away when it’s not convenient (checking his mum is still home first) - for starters it might give you more of an idea of what’s going on. There might be some reason as to why he is always at yours. She could be using you for CF childcare or there could be stuff going on at home.

Also, don’t let her dictate times when you are happy to have him over. “We’re having tea at 5. I’ll send him home a bit before.”

One thing I’m wondering that’s come up on this thread is how many people actually let their 9 year olds play out, wandering off to the park unsupervised. I don’t know anyone who lets their children play out if they don’t live in a quiet close. None of my son’s peers go to the park without an adult.

Sounds like she is using you as an unpaid glorified babysitter. Next time child comes, say you are busy.

Have a sit down with your child and say, some days it's ok but some days you just want some Mum/son time. Plan an evening every week for movie night or something and say, this is our time.

Hold onto the moments as much as possible, because before long, he will be a teenager wanting to spend more time with his pals. Don't worry though. They always come back to mammy and still need us in some way when they hit adulthood.

If you are worried about this other child being neglected at any point, phone in child protection.

This happened on our street growing up. There was a kid who was booted out to play first thing in the holidays. My parents set a rule that she couldn’t knock until 8am and she’d just wait at the end of the drive. Anyhow one day my dad told her she couldn’t come in snd I couldn’t play out as we had family visiting that day. She sloped off. 6pm her irate dad came braying on the door saying how dare my parent leave a 9 year old out on the street all day! Turned out her mum had gone off into town clothes shopping for a full day without checking that it was okay with my parents. Seems she would go out and about regularly while her daughter was playing at ours and the dad was at work! They never acknowledged that this was CF-ery and were related to half the street so our family were black listed from any neighbourliness and my dad was made out to be some kind of cruel monster! Crazy!

I just say no friends in the house to my son,
And send them outside to play in the street. (I live in a cul de sac) but otherwise would say yes but go to the park or to his house. One or another day in if raining is fine, but not every day, thank you !
My house is my resting place and I don’t look or feed Other people’s kids.
simple like that.

I think this is difficult as there could be a good reason why she hadn't had the kids at hers. Without knowing the home setup you can't decide.

How far is the park?
Aren't they a bit young to go off on their own? - assuming it's not at the end of the street/ cul-de-sac you live on? Can they play in the garden?

I can see why you are frustrated. Do you know the mum/ Dad at all? Have you met them?

Similar issues here OP! However I know child's mum is a CF!

I've consistently said NO and they now appear to have got the message. DS and her child aren't even friends, he's not particularly nice to DS at school. DS doesn't want to play with him. We just happen to live the nearest to them so she'd started sending him round whenever she was busy. Had him here once and he was horrible to both my DS's (and the dog!) so he got sent back home!

I think I’d much rather have him and my son in my home where I can be sure they are looked after and not in a negative environment. From reading this she doesn’t sound like the nurturing type, and I would just kind of adopt him as another child….

@panauchocolat…ummmm…are you the parent OP is talking about? You’re not willing to have other people’s child in your house but are happy to let other parents host your child in their house?

I think you need to use your words OP!

If you don't fancy having the boy round most days, say to the boy "it's nice you snd DS play, but I don't want play dates round my house this often, once/ twice a week for a few hours is fine"
"Not today"
"It's lunch time, time for you to go home"
"Right, we have things to do, so you need to go home now"
"Right I want some peace and quiet, time to go home"
"DS can go to park with you. If your mum won't let you go to park then you need to go back home"
"How about you play at your house instead as you're always round here. Go ask your mum & I'll send DS round"

Excuse my ignorance but it driving me crazy … what’s a CF ?

Cheeky fucker

This shouldn't become game playing as there is a young child involved. When it's time to go home, just go with him and ask her nicely if they could play at hers sometimes. Or just say you find it a bit inconvenient to have to suddenly change your plans because x has turned up . Surely 2 adults can meet and talk rationally.

My house is the one all my DCs & friends like to hang out at. They're gannets though, like locusts through my kitchen! Tb fair my DCs do ask but sometimes after 5 hours as it's 6pm and they're still here, If i don't want to feed them - sometimes I do feed them but it's my choice, if everyone is having fun and I don't mind - I say "Right everyone it's time for our tea/lunch, off you go home for your dinners" .

If I get a "we don't mind waiting while you have tea" or "mum/dad says we could stay at yours " (believe me I've had a few of those) I reply "but I do mind, I don't have enough out for extras today and I want a quiet family dinner tonight. Time for you to go home "

I've come across a few cf mums and dads in my time and a few cheeky DCfriends.

Including a cf dad that tried dropping both his DCs off to my house at 7,30am each morning after is helped him out in an emergency once - apparently he then told his DCs they could knock at 7.30am at my house to walk to school with my DCs (& me) thinking I'd be ok with them sitting in my lounge for 45 minutes and hoping I'd start giving them breakfast too! Nipped that in the bud quickly.

Nipped that in the bud quickly.

OMG-what a chancer! You have to tell us how that conversation went!!

Oh I had a cf mum once text me that her DD didn't like the ice pops I offered (she did as she ate them) when fhey came round to play and she sent me a list of food her DD liked including expensive ice creams & M&S lollies!! Bear in mind this DD wasn't invited round my house and was popping in on her way home from school after walking home with my DD, to play most nights. Hadn't bothered me as I was home at the time with baby and they played nicely. Hadn't bothered me Until I got sent the list (not an allergy or food intolerance list but like a menu as if she expected me to do tea as well or buy a better class of ice lollies).

My reply was very simple. "Thankyou for your text, X is popping in to play on her way home. If I have ice lollies I offer her what we have when (my DD) has one. If your DD prefers what you have in your freezer, would you like me to send the girls on to your house instead for those ice creams or just to send her on home?"

Hmm YANBU for not always wanting to be the host but it does make me wonder if there's more of a story to this than the mother simply being a CF. It makes me think there's something going on inside her house that she doesn't want your son seeing. Could be as innocent as a family not managing to keep on top of housework and being embarrassed having people round or something not so innocent.

I am the mum that hosts the most too, which includes sometimes 3 meals, day out, activities, running home etc. No thanks!! But I do it for my son primarily and for the friend who evidently doesn’t get to do much. He turns up without breakfast some days. Occasionally I have to refuse as we are genuinely doing something else. I am however glad my child has a friend during the hols. Say sorry to the child when you are not able to have him. Mum sounds like she is taking a lend and making assumptions about your ability to have her child over a lot. Just make it work for you and your child.

No some people are just plain CFS.
My house used to be the one that all the kids gathered at.
I didn't mind cause you could send them home if they annoyed you

But some really do take the piss and you have to knock it on the head sharpish.

@Howshouldibehave

Nipped that in the bud quickly.

OMG-what a chancer! You have to tell us how that conversation went!!

He sent them round twice. First time I was confused and told his DCs it was too early they said dad had gone to work. I told his DCs not to knock that early and dad needs to take them to school . I fed them a brioche. Next day they arrived round again and said dad said to walk in with you. Like I wanted to walk 5 children to school !!?! And feed them breakfast? So I got his number and texted him that he wasn't to send his DCs round my house and I would let school know he leaving them out at 7.30am & wasn't feeding them breakfast. He replied at 11am a load of waffle about how he had last minute important early meetings those day and I walked in so 'we all need to do each other favours" (he never did me favours!) so I told him I wasnt his child minder and never to abandon his DCs like that again or I'd report it to school. He was just chancing his luck. We all work, he worked same town as me. Anyway, he ended up arranging a childminder. I pretty much said your an OT person look up childminders on a website.

Covid good excuse too!! I told the mum I dont give lifts. She got hint I think. Would never do another time for me. Kids sport

*IT person not OT

(I usually worked same town as him, but he was changing his luck as he saw me off on maternity leave with a new baby walking mine to school instead. )

What is a CF??! Checked urban dictionary but still none the wiser

@Helsbels44

What is a CF??! Checked urban dictionary but still none the wiser

It's been answered in the thread only a page ago (CF equals Cheeky Fucker It's a bit similar to Reddit's CB choosing beggar but not quite)

It means someone taking advantage and acting entitled to your time your money or belongings or property