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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this mum a CF?

180 replies

roonthebend · 07/08/2021 09:28

I am single mum to a 9 year old boy. There's another boy the same age who my son has became pally with in recent weeks. They are constantly going to each other's door to see if the other wants to come out to play and I was happy he had someone to play with. Frequently the little boy will come here and I will feed him which is fine. It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home - again fine.

However, two nights ago he came for my son, it was 7 at night, had had a busy day so didn't really want another kid in the house. My son started putting on his shoes to go to the park and the little boy said 'my mum said I've not to go to the park' so in he came. His mum then came for him about an hour later which was strange as she usually just texts me to send him down.

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed with constant kids in the house and it's never reciprocated, as I've said my son hasn't been in their house. I'm happy he has someone to play with though and don't want to ruin that.

Is the mum a CF? And if so how do I handle this?

OP posts:
Mrstamborineman · 07/08/2021 10:54

Of course she is cheeky, you can reclaim control by only inviting the boy in when it suits you. Do this soon because your ds is learning that it is ok and will likely wonder why you suddenly changed your mind.

HollowTalk · 07/08/2021 10:55

@GeorgiaGirl52

Before you send him away, find out if his mother is at home. DD2 had a friend who showed up like that. I never even met the mother, just got a message. One Friday night I said "No" and sent her home. Found her on my front porch Saturday morning. Mom had gone out of town with boyfriend over the weekend and left the child. She had spent the night alone in her house (got in through the back window) but was scared and came to us the next day.
Did you call the police about that, OP? I would have done.
EL8888 · 07/08/2021 10:55

@weltenbummler exactly this

She’s a CF

Waspsarearseholes · 07/08/2021 10:58

Next time the boy turns up and says he's to stay at your house I'd text the mum with, 'Sorry I can't look after George for you today, we're having a family day/going out/busy/whatever'. Make it obvious to the mum that you're aware that she's expecting non-reciprocal free holiday childcare from you.

TheFrogsAreDying · 07/08/2021 11:04

You realise them coming to yours all the time could be totally driven by the kids and NOT the mum right? Mine used to hang out with heaps of kids on the street when they were that age, and it was common for one house to be flavour of the month and everyone wanting to hang out there, then they’d move on to another one. Don’t be so quick to blame the mum, for all you know her son could be saying that the two boys only want to go to your house and your son doesn’t want to come to their’s.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 07/08/2021 11:05

Do you not think the kid is probably telling his mam he's been invited?

KatharinaRosalie · 07/08/2021 11:06

It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home

well you have not actually invited her son but this does not seem to bother them...send the boys back to theirs and text the mum to send yours back by dinnertime

BackInBlackAgain · 07/08/2021 11:07

My son had a friend like this, always in our house, drove me nuts as I had 2 younger children, my son had never been in their house.

He would trash the bedroom and wind the younger 2 up.

I got pissed off so when the boy knocked he was told that I was busy cleaning so if he wanted to play it was either at his house or the park. The visits soon dwindled down and he would only come round once a week after that which was much better.

glampingcamper · 07/08/2021 11:07

You’re the one that keeps inviting him in.

Just send them out to play.

lollipoprainbow · 07/08/2021 11:09

@TheFrogsAreDying not driven by the mum?! She's texting to say when to send him back bloody cheek, I'd be annoyed at this but then I'm in the same boat it's always me with kids at my house and never reciprocated !!

Lostinthemail · 07/08/2021 11:11

Don’t let hem in. No explanation needed.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2021 11:14

I wouldn't leap to blaming the mum just yet.

It's possible (especially from the text), that he's telling her you've invited him.

Either way, you only have to say "Not today", when he wants to come in.

Or better still, tell your 9 year old 'not today' and let him tell his friend.

annacondom · 07/08/2021 11:15

I also think you should consider that the other boy only wants to play at yours and hasn't invited your DS to his house. Ask your DS whether he can go to the friend's house and see what he says.
But you can always say "Not today" and shut the door when he shows up.

Original poster
roonthebend · 07/08/2021 11:20

@glampingcamper

You’re the one that keeps inviting him in.

Just send them out to play.

Have you not bothered reading the OP before posting your unhelpful comment?
OP posts:
Original poster
roonthebend · 07/08/2021 11:22

I do need to stop letting him in so much but I feel bad saying no and I feel awkward but I will stop. I don't mind sometimes but most days is just getting a bit much and feels very one sided. There is 100 percent non neglect going on.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2021 11:24

ComtesseDeSpair but that is cheeky. If you dc are old enough to go out to play, that is unsupervised. You can't just assume another parent will supervise, unless yiu ask them, or they offer.

Original poster
roonthebend · 07/08/2021 11:27

@StealthPolarBear

ComtesseDeSpair but that is cheeky. If you dc are old enough to go out to play, that is unsupervised. You can't just assume another parent will supervise, unless yiu ask them, or they offer.
Exactly. That's what is frustrating me.
OP posts:
lastcall · 07/08/2021 11:28

Is his mum working at home? Trying to get him into someone else's house.

Obviously it's not on doing it this way, very CF-like, so nip it now and talk to her.

Notaroadrunner · 07/08/2021 11:28

@roonthebend

I do need to stop letting him in so much but I feel bad saying no and I feel awkward but I will stop. I don't mind sometimes but most days is just getting a bit much and feels very one sided. There is 100 percent non neglect going on.
Why feel bad? The CF doesn't feel bad for sending her kid to your house for an afternoon. Tell him it's not convenient for him to come in if it doesn't suit you. And stop feeding him. Send him home if you are feeding your son.
glampingcamper · 07/08/2021 11:29

@roonthebend yes I read it, you said the boy didn’t want to/said he wasn’t allowed to the park so you invited him in.
Just don’t invite him in. Say it’s out to play or he goes home.

crazymicrowave123 · 07/08/2021 11:34

Similar to @GeorgiaGirl52 I used to have a friend in primary school who I stopped hanging out with, (went to different secondary schools and didn't keep contact). Her little sister (about 6) used to always turn up at our house and as my little sister knew her and played with her a bit in the park a few times previously, she took it upon herself to constantly ask to come in and play and invite herself into our house.

One day she came over again and my mum caught her bare foot in pyjamas rooting in our fridge and cupboards looking for food. We called the police and social services and it turns out her older sister had left to move in with an older man (whilst in SECONDARY SCHOOL!!!) and her parents were on drugs and left the younger sister to have to fend for herself. You never know the backstory some times, in this case I'd just have a polite word with the mother.

StrangeToSee · 07/08/2021 11:35

Sounds like the boy is telling his mum you’ve invited him over! If not then yes she’s a CF. I’d knock on her door for a chat as it may not be what it seems.

There could be a number of reasons she doesn’t want your son playing in her house (she or partner WFH, lack of space, less toys etc).

But you don’t have to have her boy in yours either!

I’d try to untangle the wires before jumping to conclusions.

PuppyMonkey · 07/08/2021 11:42

What is the thing about he mustn't go to the park, he must stay at your house is all about.Hmm

Text back: "Sorry who is this?" Wink

forrestgreen · 07/08/2021 11:43

Make sure you get to the door before your dc and say 'sorry he can't play as we've got plans, ask you mum to text next time'
Then next time he comes and you're happy for your child to be out, say ' x can play but only if it's at your house as I'm in the middle of something'
Be careful if you don't sort this out she'll start going out when he's at yours (if she hasn't already started doing this...)

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2021 11:47

Make sure you get to the door before your dc and say 'sorry he can't play as we've got plans, ask you mum to text next time'

The OP's son is 9.

He can say, "Sorry, I'm not allowed friends in to play today".

This is a completely normal thing for kids. I don't know why the OP is overthinking it really.