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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this mum a CF?

180 replies

roonthebend · 07/08/2021 09:28

I am single mum to a 9 year old boy. There's another boy the same age who my son has became pally with in recent weeks. They are constantly going to each other's door to see if the other wants to come out to play and I was happy he had someone to play with. Frequently the little boy will come here and I will feed him which is fine. It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home - again fine.

However, two nights ago he came for my son, it was 7 at night, had had a busy day so didn't really want another kid in the house. My son started putting on his shoes to go to the park and the little boy said 'my mum said I've not to go to the park' so in he came. His mum then came for him about an hour later which was strange as she usually just texts me to send him down.

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed with constant kids in the house and it's never reciprocated, as I've said my son hasn't been in their house. I'm happy he has someone to play with though and don't want to ruin that.

Is the mum a CF? And if so how do I handle this?

OP posts:
Buttercup54321 · 08/08/2021 23:09

I wouldnt be letting my child play in the park in the evening, but perhaps you live in a safer area.
Perhaps the other boys mum feels the same about the park?.
They can still play at hers though.

Mumontour85 · 08/08/2021 23:10

Wow... whole load of 'caring women' here talking of not letting the boy is, sending him home, making the son play petty games or even lie, etc.!! Nice one ladies... It is not the boys fault, why punish him?!
The play is not reciprocated, so what?? Is it really that big a deal?! Just doesn't sound that deep to me tbh.
Either text the woman and see what the problem is or just stop whinging. But whatever you do, don't be mean to a kid, whose situation you obviously don't know in full.

Staffy1 · 08/08/2021 23:12

Why do you think she is sending him over? He may be coming to yours because he wants to play with your son and his mum is ok with that, just doesn’t want him to going further afield.

TopBlogger · 08/08/2021 23:20

Mumontour85, I know it may seem a crazy idea to you being the Queen of kindness obviously 🙄 but how about the PARENTS actually taking responsibility of their own kid? Or at the very least, having a recipricol arrangement with the OP so she shares hosting the kids?

Silly me, let's all just 'be kind' (meaning usually 1 person is kind, the other takes advantage)

Chubs2 · 08/08/2021 23:20

I wouldn't say the other parent is a cf but maybe her kid don't stop going on about going to x house to play. But the way she had worded it could have been better, just let her know - x is on his way back really busy here. My son can come to yours if you'd like? Otherwise maybe next Wednesday etc?
Simples

tigerlilly22 · 08/08/2021 23:38

I've had this. After about the fourth time I just said 'sorry, too busy today to have kids in to play, tho (my child) can play outside if you like"... It was as simple as that!!

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 23:44

@Mumontour85

Wow... whole load of 'caring women' here talking of not letting the boy is, sending him home, making the son play petty games or even lie, etc.!! Nice one ladies... It is not the boys fault, why punish him?! The play is not reciprocated, so what?? Is it really that big a deal?! Just doesn't sound that deep to me tbh. Either text the woman and see what the problem is or just stop whinging. But whatever you do, don't be mean to a kid, whose situation you obviously don't know in full.
I think you haven't RTFT or have missed the point. H is coming round uninvited most days and OP doesn't want him there at her all the time. She's happy foe the boys to hang out but not always in her house . He gets there under his own steam walking so he can return home under his own steam.

It is not unreasonable nor bad parenting NOR being unkind or uncaring to say to an uninvited chime that keeps knocking and expecting to come in for free childcare and feeding all day, to go home.

Goodness are we in the 1900s where women - because they are women and mums to one or two children - have no rights to say no not today- In their own homes?!

Ddot · 09/08/2021 05:07

It's very strange, I would feel uncomfortable with the fact the house is off limits. WHY!

Dilovescake21 · 09/08/2021 07:24

I think you have to look at this from the child's point of view. It seems he is being "kicked out" by his mum on a regular basis. I'd be very suspicious of a parent who behaves in this way and I think this situation is a red flag. Please contact the NSPCC as I would be worried about this child. He's 9 not 19 - his safety and care is the most important thing here.

BorderlineHappy · 09/08/2021 07:37

@Mumontour85 because surprisingly enough people have enough crap going on in their own lives
And the other parents can text as well you know

Even to let the op know they need a favour.

My CF used to send her son down with presents so that the child could stay.

You get a hard heart when people take the piss.

Tiana4 · 09/08/2021 07:39

Doilovecake
OP says early on, there is no neglect. I wish PPs would RTFT or at least OPs posts. (Click on the funnel icon above and click on OPs name )

You'd need actual suggestion/ evidence of neglect rather than 'friend of my sons keeps knocking to play. It's irritating as he wants to play most days and prefers my house. His mum has texted me once to remind me to send him home at 5pm for his tea and she tells him sometimes not to go to the park'

All the scenarios PP's are imagining are from no information nor evidence genuinely suggestive abuse is going on.

That's why most PPs are saying 'say not today' when he comes knocking too much

moretosee · 09/08/2021 09:16

To be honest with you I was always happy to have other children to play in my house and garden, at least I knew where my daughter was and what she was up to.

Balgoresboy · 09/08/2021 09:37

It really wouldn't bother me to be honest, if my son was playing with him, I'd get on with it.

Mumontour85 · 09/08/2021 10:08

I'm sorry you've got hard hearts, or think that 'being kind' is something to be mocked or shamed...
I mean, @TopBlogger, you sound like the person that only buys Xmas presents when you know someone has got you one - what a delight.

There may be circumstances as to why the neighbour does not return the favour, or maybe she doesn't think it is that big a deal... either way, I simply said don't punish the child, be braver and just text the mum!

'Goodness', just send the kid home at dinner time or text the other mum saying 'we're eating at X time, you need to come and get him before that'
It doesn't have to be that big a deal.

You're all such a bunch of drama llamas on here, egging each other on!

bemusedmoose · 09/08/2021 10:44

Poor kid - mum is clearly trying to palm him off on you for free food and child care.

Now i get the not having other kids in the house - ive had to do that because i wasn't coping mental health wise but then i wouldn't send my kid over to houses all day either because I didn't think it was fair. I did let them play out, take them to the park and provide snacks, just couldn't cope with the always having other kids that were hard to feed, wouldnt keep their hands off stuff or stay out my room (or the ones that kept pointing out I should tidy up) . The stress when I already wasn't coping was too much. One parent hated the fact I didn't have them in and was rude about why I couldn't (her children were seriously draining and hard work, wouldn't eat, wouldn't play, break my stuff, go through personal drawers... I was struggling not to tell them to f#ck off) but was happy to supervise outdoor plays and even though I couldn't afford it I would provide food.

So either she isnt coping or is after free food and board!! I would talk to her. Even if she isn't coping though she is still out of order for expecting you to pick up the slack! I never did that even at my worst (and it was hospital bad).

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 09/08/2021 10:48

I’d be wary of sending any child away- you’ve no idea what their home life is like. Next time he is round - can you walk him home and try to have a general chat with his mum? Say something along the lines of as much as you live having him around you are not always available - I’m sure you understand etc……don’t be offended if I send him home.

CherryRipe1 · 09/08/2021 10:55

Thanks for the enlightenment Tiana4! Like Helsbels44 I actually had no proper idea what a CF was & presumed it was a "Fckng C*nt" with the C&F's swapped round. To the op, she is being a bit of a CF, (the correct version not my assumption). Bit rude, presumptive & ignorant but sad if this impacts on the boys freindships. Maybe her lad nags her persistently until she "lumbers" you with him.

Smudge77 · 09/08/2021 13:51

I had this at primary school, most of the summer holidays too, The mum would go get her hair done, all her shopping done, and coffee out, (I found out later) we had a climbing frame and trampoline in the garden so they always came here.
I always had food, drinks or ice-creams etc. I would text and say what time shall I send him home, to get Oh when he's bored. rarely my son would get invited to his, or it would be for an hour and then they'd be back here. I saw him recently (they'll 18 now) and he even said I was always here after school and on holidays. I was a mug and allowed this to happen, the mum rarely speaks to me now, some people just take advantage but as your child wants the friendship you don't realise how manipulative the mum is being. be firm.

surreygirl1987 · 09/08/2021 14:28

Haha @CherryRipe1 I thought CF meant 'c*nt face' until a couple of days ago!

Birdcloud · 09/08/2021 15:45

Put me out of my misery- what is a CF ?

CherryRipe1 · 09/08/2021 16:53

@Birdcloud

Put me out of my misery- what is a CF ?
I've just been enlightened, it means 'Cheeky Fckr!'
CherryRipe1 · 09/08/2021 16:56

@surreygirl1987

Haha *@CherryRipe1 I thought CF meant 'cnt face' until a couple of days ago!
Hahaha. This made my day, glad I'm not the only SF (silly fckr).
outofservice · 09/08/2021 17:02

We’ve just moved to a new estate. Initially lots of kids out playing. Same 2 boys knock on most days. Sometimes DS goes out, sometimes I tell them he’s not playing. Seems to be the rule that kids don’t go in each other’s houses. Had one for a party by invitation. But definitely tell the kid at the door ‘not today mate, having a movie/early night’ etc.

GrannyRose15 · 09/08/2021 17:23

I have found over the years that children's relationships are never symmetrical. When mine were young I always seemed to have friends round more than my fair share of the time. Always served food to whoever was in the house at mealtimes. As they got older the reverse seemed to be true with mine spending more time with friends than at home.
If you are not comfortable having this child round so much you must let his mum know but please try not to close any doors in the process. If you have to send him home because you are busy why not add "but you can come back tomorrow afternoon if you like". Your son won't thank you if you ruin his friendship with this other boy. Every friendship or potential friendship should be cherished, especially after the year all children have had.

Emmylouisa · 09/08/2021 20:04

What's a CF? Sorry for the silly question 😊

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