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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this mum a CF?

180 replies

roonthebend · 07/08/2021 09:28

I am single mum to a 9 year old boy. There's another boy the same age who my son has became pally with in recent weeks. They are constantly going to each other's door to see if the other wants to come out to play and I was happy he had someone to play with. Frequently the little boy will come here and I will feed him which is fine. It's never been reciprocated as my son has never been invited into their home - again fine.

However, two nights ago he came for my son, it was 7 at night, had had a busy day so didn't really want another kid in the house. My son started putting on his shoes to go to the park and the little boy said 'my mum said I've not to go to the park' so in he came. His mum then came for him about an hour later which was strange as she usually just texts me to send him down.

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed with constant kids in the house and it's never reciprocated, as I've said my son hasn't been in their house. I'm happy he has someone to play with though and don't want to ruin that.

Is the mum a CF? And if so how do I handle this?

OP posts:
bitcheeky · 07/08/2021 11:50

There’s always one…

MrsFlinch · 07/08/2021 11:52

Theres a likely hood that this kid has orchestrated this. It’s possible He’s told his mum that he’s going/been invited to X’s house, mum then says be back by 5 and has text you to confirm.

Whilst kid tells you he’s not allowed to the park, knowing/guessing/hoping you fall for his story, that you will invite him in to play. Which you did so win win for him!

Kids are chancers and it’s always more exciting in someone else’s house. So don’t automatically assume that parent is a CF. (Of course she might me but you don’t know that yet!)
I’ve had my fair share of kids knocking my door expecting to come in to play. I’ve also had my fair share of CF parents taking advantage of my kindness.
But there comes a time you have to say no to both Because they’ll just take the piss!
Every time he turns up you tell him if he wants to play with your ds, they’ll have to play out. If he says mums says “no” then you say well you’ll have to go home then!

2bazookas · 07/08/2021 11:55

Talk to the other mum and ask her why.

It's possible they've got some awful home situation going on that explains why she sends her son out to escape it (but clearly, cares where he is and that he's safe).

3luckystars · 07/08/2021 11:55

The child could be making this up.

Just say ‘sorry we are not having visitors today, but (son) can go to your house if you want to play today’ when he calls. All the best.

Nobloat21 · 07/08/2021 11:58

We have a lot of this going on. When we've had enough of them all in the house we just tell them to play outside. So yes, they can play, but not in the house today. Just keep saying, outside today. Especially with the nice weather. The house feels too full and we get resentful. Then when it's raining or whatever, we don't mind them coming in.

You do have to reply a hard no to some of her messages, just to reset the boundaries.

mickeysminnie · 07/08/2021 11:59

When he calls just say you are going to wash the floors, so they either go to the park or back to his house.
Does your son have a game that he doesn't have but loves to play? Maybe it is him driving it rather than the mother?

Ourlady · 07/08/2021 12:01

When he says his mam said not to play out just stay at your house I would tell say
Well, you either play out with your son or you go home, no visitors today.

Chibbles · 07/08/2021 12:02

Just turn him away from the door, tell him you're busy.

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 07/08/2021 12:08

Sorry ds is busy just now so you can’t play
We are going out soon so not today
Or I’m busy and you can both go out to play etc etc be more firm with the boy and his mum as others have said you need firmer boundaries.

I have the opposite issue of living in temporary accommodation we just moved somewhere bigger in a nice estate with kids (we aren’t in our school area so no one is e know) but mine are shy and don’t know anyone so would love kids to knock and come to play.

Hope it works out op just on your terms. The mum could be like me and in housing that wasn’t nice and not really want people in/or home life is chaotic etc you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Terhou · 07/08/2021 12:12

Have you told her you can't have her son for lunch or this afternoon?

CustardyCreams · 07/08/2021 12:24

This is how it was in the 80’s! My friends would just turn up, if you were busy they’d say, “ok” and go off to knock for another friend. Sometimes I’d have an arranged play date and we’d still both go and knock for a friend in another house up the road! It seems weird now, so much freedom. Mums didn’t ever phone each other or bother about it unless their offspring was late for dinner. We were never fed, we might get ourselves a glass of water or take 20p to buy penny sweets at the local shop, if we’d got any pocket money. But meals weren’t part of the deal at all.

I would simply not feed the boy and send him home at dinner time. I don’t necessarily assume the mum means to be cheeky, it’s probably the boy begging to be allowed out to play as he is bored. Mum probably thinks you like the arrangement and wonders why he doesn’t come knocking on her door.

Next time the boy comes knocking, smile brightly and say, ‘I’m just in the middle of something, my DS will come and find you back at your place in about ten minutes ok?” Then send your son to their place.

eightyfourandahalf · 07/08/2021 12:24

Mom had gone out of town with boyfriend over the weekend and left the child. She had spent the night alone in her house (got in through the back window) but was scared and came to us the next day.

what the fuck is wrong with people!
I would have rung the police, poor kid.

eightyfourandahalf · 07/08/2021 12:25

Is the mum a CF?

Yes, of course. Otherwise she would have checked with you if it was ok with you.

Tell her you have plans, and refuse to be taken for a mug.

Tistheseason17 · 07/08/2021 12:26

Just say, NO. It really is that simple.

tenredthings · 07/08/2021 12:33

I think you need to talk to the mum face to face and sort it out between you. Does your ds have better computer games, this could be a driving force in their choice of where to play? Don't try to sort it out by text. It's perfectly reasonable to request that you share the responsibility a bit, try talking to the boys parents.

Jumpingintosummer · 07/08/2021 12:38

Why did you keep him until 5pm? Why not text back sorry we are going out.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 07/08/2021 12:39

When he says "my mum says I have to stay here." Say "sorry love, you can't stay here today, if you two want to play you'll have to go to the park or Jimmy's house." Then send them out the door.

I wouldn't be encouraging the mum to be texting you tbh.

Howshouldibehave · 07/08/2021 12:42

Anyways, yesterday, I'm doing housework, a knock at the door, the little boy again. Son starts putting his shoes on and once again, 'mum says I've to just stay here' !! I then receive a text from her, 'will you send X home for 5pm please' not even a is that okay?

Seems like a pattern is forming and you know what the boy is going to say which makes it easier.

When he says, ‘mum says I’ve got to stay here’, reply, Sorry, no, we aren’t having visitors today. Maybe you can go to the park together another time when your mum says it’s ok’.

It’s your house, you can manage who comes in and out.

CheesusWept · 07/08/2021 12:43

You need to get quicker at sending your son round to chap on their door every morning. The Mum would soon get the message. Maybe.

Winemewhynot · 07/08/2021 12:46

Answer the door say, ‘not today Timmy, but Tommy can meet you in the park in a hour’, she’s a CF but you’re being a bit of a doormat.

finished31 · 07/08/2021 12:47

Have you asked quizzed the boy to what his mum does whilst your looking after her child? Is there any siblings that you could end up with.

My Sister would let my nephews friend in all the time and then came the brother and stayed for dinner most nights because 1) she fed DN and 2) the friend and brother didn't get fed until later when their Dad came home and they all had a family meal.
CF's.

Telling you to keep him h Tim 5pm is a piss take when it was only morning when he knocked. If you don't reply to her then don't answer the door for a few days.

Original poster
roonthebend · 07/08/2021 12:49

@CheesusWept

You need to get quicker at sending your son round to chap on their door every morning. The Mum would soon get the message. Maybe.
When my son knocks on his door they are either sent to the park or have to play out in his front garden, not even round the back. Then they will saunter back over to my house and come in. She doesn't work from home and it's a mum and dad.
OP posts:
Sarcobaleno · 07/08/2021 12:52

Nip it in the bud. I had a CF that did this, I ended up with the little sister too and the child coming up to me in the playground at school pick up that their mum had said they were to come home with me because she was out for the afternoon. CF's need told or it will get worse.

Howshouldibehave · 07/08/2021 12:58

When my son knocks on his door they are either sent to the park or have to play out in his front garden, not even round the back. Then they will saunter back over to my house and come in

I can see why he wants to come to yours then.

You need to speak to your son and tell him not to bring the boy home if you don’t want him at yours. He can tell the friend that you said no.

If he knocks and asks to come in, you can field that though and say no.

Monr0e · 07/08/2021 13:08

So what did you do yesterday?
What did you reply to the mum?

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