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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how to stop DD taking my things?

258 replies

iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:38

DD almost 15 takes my stuff on a regular basis. I am 53 and enjoy my clothes/fashion etc. She is the same size as me so my clothes seem to be fair game to her. But she doesn't look after them! She will wear things once and throw it on the floor or play with the dog and get it covered in dog hair.
Then there are things like my shampoo, hair not great so the stuff I get doesn't foam up but when she took it she used half the bottle to get a lather and it was quite expensive. Dry shampoo, deodorant, perfume and replacement items for the make up I use disappears when she finds my stuff.
Most annoying is when she takes my tweezers, I am of an age where I need to remove those blasted chin hairs when I find one not have to hunt around for them!
Yesterday she had a friend over and by the time I got home her friend was also dressed in my clothes!
I am at my wits end. It's not like she needs my stuff, I buy her stuff as soon as she lets me know she needs it, but it makes no difference.
The only time I managed to stop her was when I found her with a pair of stockings she was wearing as 'long socks'. Told her they were for my 'sexy time' and she couldn't get them off quick enough!
Please give me some advice oh wise women of Mumsnet.

OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 07/08/2021 07:42

Put a lock on your door

CrystalMaisie · 07/08/2021 07:43

Lock on your door.

EmoIsntDead · 07/08/2021 07:44

Don’t ask, TELL her. Also, lock on your door.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 07/08/2021 07:45

Start 'borrowing' her things and wear her clothes out. What's sauce for the goose and all that...

Original poster
iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:45

I can't have a lock. My clothes are in her room! And it would mean that I would have to lock my bathroom and my study too!

OP posts:
weltenbummler · 07/08/2021 07:45

She needs to respect you as a person and your boundaries; time to sit down with her to talk; ask her how she would feel if you helped yourself to her stuff;

Mistressofnone · 07/08/2021 07:46

Sexy time 😂

Maybe get her to replace something expensive by withholding some of her allowance and hopefully she'll stop doing it so much.

Original poster
iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:46

Oh and she really would not care if I took her clothes as it would almost be like a green light for her to take more of mine.

OP posts:
MattyGroves · 07/08/2021 07:46

Have you actually told her not to? It's not very clear from your post.

I would sit her down and be very clear that your stuff is yours and not hers to take without permission. If she continues, a suitable punishment every time, e.g. you take away her phone or you post to her social media selfies of you wearing her clothes or whatever

LemonViolet · 07/08/2021 07:47

Start taking, using and wearing her stuff. She can hardly object, clearly sharing is caring in her book.

Say things like, “oh, I love that top! I remember wearing it that one time when your Dad and I…….”

DisgruntledPelican · 07/08/2021 07:48

Why do you keep your clothes in her room?

Agree with others though - sit down for a proper talk around boundaries and respect. Not in the heat of the moment, find a time when she’s not taken anything of yours and discuss properly.

MattyGroves · 07/08/2021 07:48

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

I can't have a lock. My clothes are in her room! And it would mean that I would have to lock my bathroom and my study too!
Why are your clothes in her room?
Original poster
iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:48

Yes I have told her many many times. Tried talking to her and punished her. No change

OP posts:
BahHumbygge · 07/08/2021 07:48

Keep everything in you closet, chain & padlock around handles.

Datingandnoideahowto · 07/08/2021 07:48

Put your clothes in your own room and lock the door.

You’re making them fair game by having them in her room.

LemonViolet · 07/08/2021 07:49

post to her social media selfies of you wearing her clothes or whatever

Oh please do this

Janaih · 07/08/2021 07:49

Why are your clothes in her room?
Change the WiFi password/ stop buying her favourite snacks/ giving lifts etc...
She probably things you secretly find it flattering so make it very clear it needs to stop.

Everydayimhuffling · 07/08/2021 07:50

Different for different things, I think.
Tweezers: give her her own and hide yours. You can't win with that one.
Clothes: make her take them off as soon as you see her in them and run a load of washing.
Shampoo, perfume, etc: she has to pay for a replacement.
Basically try to make it as annoying and inconvenient as possible for her to use yours. Teenagers are basically selfish creatures like toddlers, so you have to make it not worth her while.

Original poster
iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:51

My clothes are in there because I let her have the master bedroom. She is an only child and I knew that she would want sleepovers with friends so it was better as also has an en-suite bathroom. The other bedroom where her clothes has a wardrobe and chest of drawers that just would not fit my things in. We are thinking of putting more storage in the smaller room but can't afford it at the minute.

OP posts:
BobCatBob · 07/08/2021 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 07/08/2021 07:52

Why are your clothes in her room if you have your own bedroom, study and bathroom? I'd get them moved to one of your rooms.

Datingandnoideahowto · 07/08/2021 07:52

Fuck that!!! Take your master bedroom back! She can use the bathroom!!!

MrsExpo · 07/08/2021 07:53

Why is your stuff in her room? Surely that’s just giving her a green light to help herself. Move your clothes and other stuff into your room and lock the door. If you also have your own bathroom and study, there are plenty of potential doors to lock. Failing that, you can lock cupboards and drawers if necessary. She’ll soon get the message.

Faranth · 07/08/2021 07:53

You've obviously tried telling her off, and consequences for not keeping her gads off your stuff. Did you make her buy you replacement shampoo?

But why are your clothes in her room?! If you really can't rejig it so your stuff is in your room / space can you put a lock on the wardrobe / drawers?

Can you keep your toiletries in your room kalso locked) and take them with you to the bathroom?

lunar1 · 07/08/2021 07:53

Cross posted, in that case tell her you are swapping rooms if she can't respect your belongings.