AIBU to ask how to stop DD taking my things?

[iseedeadpeoplehelp]

DD almost 15 takes my stuff on a regular basis. I am 53 and enjoy my clothes/fashion etc. She is the same size as me so my clothes seem to be fair game to her. But she doesn't look after them! She will wear things once and throw it on the floor or play with the dog and get it covered in dog hair.
Then there are things like my shampoo, hair not great so the stuff I get doesn't foam up but when she took it she used half the bottle to get a lather and it was quite expensive. Dry shampoo, deodorant, perfume and replacement items for the make up I use disappears when she finds my stuff.
Most annoying is when she takes my tweezers, I am of an age where I need to remove those blasted chin hairs when I find one not have to hunt around for them!
Yesterday she had a friend over and by the time I got home her friend was also dressed in my clothes!
I am at my wits end. It's not like she needs my stuff, I buy her stuff as soon as she lets me know she needs it, but it makes no difference.
The only time I managed to stop her was when I found her with a pair of stockings she was wearing as 'long socks'. Told her they were for my 'sexy time' and she couldn't get them off quick enough!
Please give me some advice oh wise women of Mumsnet.

Haha yes but the family bathroom is much nicer than her en-suite

Just seen the update. Reclaim your territory!! Get cheap clothes rails if necessary.

Take the master bedroom back , she's abused the privilege of it. Maybe explain that she might earn it back in time but it hasn't worked out as planned

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

My clothes are in there because I let her have the master bedroom. She is an only child and I knew that she would want sleepovers with friends so it was better as also has an en-suite bathroom. The other bedroom where her clothes has a wardrobe and chest of drawers that just would not fit my things in. We are thinking of putting more storage in the smaller room but can't afford it at the minute.

Spoiled madam.

Tell her one more time and then you'll switch rooms. You can then keep all your toiletries in the en suite and fit a lock for your door.

And it's a proper punishment for treating you this way

Every time she wears your clothes, take a photo. Then a photo if you in the same outfit.
Post wherever you can so that her friends see. Captions such as ‘Trendy Twins!’ or ‘Cool Dudes!’ should add to the embarrassment factor.

I Understand that you feel you using her clothes would only encourage her to use yours. How about you use something of hers that you know she would not like you using? Her phone? Her Netflix account? And yes, deduct from her pocket money what you need to replace things of yours she has used up. Your teenager needs to understand that you are a person in your own right and don't just exist as her mother

Ah. X post - I see what the situation us with the bedrooms now.

Right, well an obvious consequence that should hit where it hurts is that if she doesn't stop taking your stuff without permission she loses the privilege of having the master bed and bath, you swop rooms, and you lock all your stuff in your new bedroom suite.

She can figure out how to shoehorn all her belongings in the small bedroom, because she can't be trusted to share space.

Tell her if she continues then you will be having the big bedroom back. And put your clothes somewhere else. I do think it's a lot of temptation for her to have all your clothes in her room.

There should be enough deodorant, shampoo, tweezers in the house that she doesn't need to take your special ones. How would she be expected to know which shampoo she should or shouldn't be using.

For God's sake take that master suite back and put a lock on the door. She has proved she can't be trusted and she doesn't deserve to have the best room in the house.

Surely you can store your clothes in your room? Put them under the bed in storage boxes if you have to

As your clothes are in her bedroom does that mean you go in there regularly? Most teens would hate that, I’d hate that. Could she be doing this as a reaction to lack of privacy?

I think you missed the part about her having all her own toiletries. When I do a weekly shop I check was she needs and buy it for her. Tweezers she has had loads and they get lost in her stuff.

You really need to enforce some boundaries. No wonder she takes your stuff if you keep it in her bedroom. You absolutely need to make her swap bedrooms too. You're doing her no favours letting her rule the roost like this - she'll grow up thinking she should always get to take the best of what's on offer while others make do.

This sounds utterly ridiculous. You are completely indulging her so of course she feels entitled to help herself to your possessions. Although finding her friend in your clothes is outrageous.

Reclaim the master bedroom and lock the door. Otherwise you will continue to reap what you sow.

Tbh it isn't surprising that she is so entitled given that you treat her like royalty, giving her the main bedroom with ensuite etc.

Not to late to change tack though. You sit her down for a talk about respect and boundaries, and you outline consequences eg. no pocket money or new clothes if she persists in taking your stuff. Then she loses the bedroom.

You have one chance to teach her how to behave respectfully and this is it.

Take the master back and let her know it is in direct response to her disrespect for your things and space.

You are letting your daughter bully you and you are playing a blinder at being the victim.

Stand up to her ffs.

Sadly I think those of you saying that she needs firmer boundaries and has been indulged are right. The guilt of her being an only child and the fact I work long hours has made me feel as if I should prioritise her above myself. Which I suppose is right in many respects.

Yep simply take the master bedroom back and explain it’s because of her behaviour. Then put a lock on it. You can fix this. You’re just unwilling to make the actual big effort it’s going to take.

You’re literally treating her like she rules the house. You need to stop.

Having said that. We had so many rows about tweezers in this house mine bought me tweerzermans for my birthday one year.

Btw, if you don’t teach her now, you’re setting her up for a lifetime of people thinking she’s a selfish entitled CF. Do you want that for her?

If you have already done the talking to no effect then time to act. Take back possession of your master bedroom now. She is displaying blatant disregard for your needs and no appreciation of the sacrifice you have made. The bedroom swap appears to have signalled a tip of power balance to her.

This is the consequence of parenting her in this way. You've put her needs/wants above yours so she has no respect for you. You really need better boundaries. You're not her friend, you're her mother.

And you both need your own space.

She should definitely lose the master bedroom and en suite until she shows some basic manners and respect.

For some reason she thinks she can just take whatever she likes with no consequences. So make sure there are consequences!