To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

[Paint69]

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

2½years is about normal for starting these days. Some children are closer to 3years.

I don’t think 2 and a half is bad?! But yes people do judge my mum was going on about how awful it was when she saw a 3 year old in nappies, had to remind her that some children have sen etc

They all learn, and not even three yet is well within the norm of me and my friends.

Those people who show off about milestones are usually horrendously insecure and I usually deal with it by pitying them.

You may be projecting because you're insecure but they may not have even noticed.

The who gives a crap book really helped me potty train my kids.

DS is 2.5. We haven't started potty training yet as he isn't ready. DD potty trained at 2.5 easily as she was ready. The HV said to us about training him before he starts nursery but he won't be starting for a year so plenty of time! I wouldn't stress about it at 2.5.

I am amazed people even notice, let alone judge. He’s 2.5; there will be plenty of children older in nappies and plenty who were “trained” when younger and having endless accidents and on medication because they withhold poo as they were trained too soon.

You sound stressed about it which is the opposite of how you went to approach toilet training. Even if your child was out of nappies, I’m sure it would just give you something else to focus on that you think he should be doing.

We surely that is pretty normal? Most of my friends kids were potty trained around 2 and a half? None at 18 months that I was aware of. If he's not interested leave it for a month and have another go - don't let it become a big battle.

Both my boys were 3 before it clicked with them so both dry before they started school nursery but had they not been, they wouldn't have been alone.

Someone I know who forced the issue has dreadful problems now with her child not knowing natural cues and having continence problems.

Panic not.

Ds was 3 in the September and started nursery a few days later... He was just ready in time!!
That's all I cared about tbh! Wasn't wasting those last few precious months of having him at home if he wasn't that interested/ready .!!
Leave it a while op. Ds took literally 2 or 3 days and was in pants accident - free.

Awwww he is fine. Mine was 5! But the US is more lax about it in general I think.

I fretted about this with my first because he could not seem grasp it. However, as soon as he started nursery he just kind of 'got' it but we still had to use nappies at night probably til he was about 4 (he's now almost 18 and fully potty trained 😉).

There's absolutely no point trying to force him out of nappies unless he's ready because everyone will just end up stressed out and every child is different, whatever your HV says.

My daughter was 3 and a few months when it clicked. Luckily she went to a private nursery so it wasn't an issue.

I really don’t think 2 1/2 is old at all to still be in nappies. Most of my friends kids have potty trained closer to 3. Just ignore the HV, there’s no rush really is there, it’s not going to do any harm to wait a bit longer if that’s what you feel will be easier.

It's great if they're potty trained before pre-school but, assuming you're in the uk, they can't refuse entry if he's in nappies. 2.5years really isn't that old to not be trained so don't worry. If he's not ready then he's not ready, any you know that more than any soft play stranger giving you dirty looks :)

Attempted potty training with my dd when she was 2.5 - she totally didn't get it, it was stressful for all of us. Tried again when she was just over 2 years 9 months and she picked it up really quickly. I'm a firm believer that until a kid is ready there is just no point and 2.5 is hardly late. I was the last out of my nct group to do it but it was the easiest by far, few days and she had it, the others were having accidents for weeks. I get the pressure but he will learn, save yourself the stress and try again in a couple of months.

My son was really set against it and I didn’t want it to become some awful battle. At about 2yrs 9 months he started showing an interest so we went for it. Dry day and night in about a week, very little fuss aside from a few early accidents. People were a bit judgey with me too, but meh. I know my child, and so do you.

DS is a similar age and not yet potty trained and I am not at all worried about it. He hasn't shown us signs that he's ready yet. Most of my friends with same aged kids are in the same boat. Relax and wait until he seems ready and it will be less stressful for everyone.

Absolutely not too old. My son was 4 when he finally got it. And since then he's done everything else in his own good time too.

I've just potty trained my dd she is 2.5 as well! Basically just told her no more nappies now and that was that we've had a few accidents but that's going to happen and she's getting there.

Maybe you could try that? Choose a time when you can stay home for a few days and just don't use nappies and see what happens. Maybe try a reward chart or something similar?

My DS was nearly 3. Did it in 3 days. I tried earlier but he just wasn't having it.

He will get there. Better to wait, and "get it" quickly than struggle and both of you get upset and confused and stressed.

My dc was no where near ready at 2 1/2. Tried twice and it was a disaster. We gave it another go just before they turned 3, and it just clicked. I honestly wouldn’t worry, they all get it eventually, and to be in nappies at 2 1/2 really isn’t unusual.

Your health visitor needs to stfu

My eldest trained just before 3 - done and dusted in 3 days

My second was 3 years and 4 months. Tried her before and it was always a hard no. She just eventually decided she was done with nappies and that was it

If they are ready, it is a super simple process

What!!!

My NT kid was out of nappies at 3 years 7 months. Defo on the older side but didn’t think it was a problem

Oh my goodness 2.5 is not too old at all!
I didn't try to start potty training any of mine until they hit 2.5 years...... My eldest took about 6 months until he was dry in the daytime, my middle child took several weeks of having accidents and my youngest has got it relatively quickly in a couple of weeks. They are all different and ready at different times so please don't stress about it and try to pay no attention whatsoever to any judgement you may feel from others. At the end of the day it's not their child and not their business!

I tried briefly with both of mine when they were under 3. Didn't work. At around 3 and a bit/ 3 and a half, they just did it, no 'training' necessary. Nursery were making noises, which I ignored, then were amazed when both went from nappy to toilet within a few days. Literally never used a potty (bar for emergency night time stuff for a year or two).
I went with the 'leave them till they're ready and save the carpets' approach!
All kids (with exceptions for additional needs) will get there sooner or later, don't worry

I tried DS several times between the ages of 18 months to 3 and it never stuck. Then a couple of months before his 4th birthday he was just suddenly dry and his body had decided for him. Don't feel pressured by anyone and don't pressure your child. The time will come naturally.