To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

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Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

My first was 2 years 9 months trained. My second is 3 years now and showing no signs of being ready. I think it's weird that anyone has an opinion on when anyone else's kid is potty trained...how's that relevant at all to anyone else's life? I'd flip it and make them the weirdo for caring about where my child shits/wees.

It’s ok Op - I’ve checked! There is not a slot for “age when potty trained” on the UCAS form.

Mine were 2 years 9 months and 3 years 1 month when they potty trained. In both cases they were very ready so it only took about a day. No real accidents at all. Friends who “potty trained” much younger we’re still mopping up accidents for months.

I also remember going to tumble toys when ds was about 18 months and being told by a smug parent that her dd of a similar age was potty trained. I then noticed aforementioned child looked a little damp. And then realised that the “apple juice” I had trodden in in my socked feet (one has to take shoes off for tumble tots) was probably not apple juice after all……

I purposefully left potty training until both DD’s were 2 years 9 months - I wanted to wait until they were fully ready.

When you do it too soon it just ends up being traumatic for everyone involved - lots of accidents that could be avoided.

Because we waited both DD’s were fully potty training in 3 days - we used the Gina Ford book to do it. It’s really the only routine book we ever used properly and I only used it because some friends had great success…we did too!

I would leave it for a couple of months. Don’t even mention it to him.

My DD’s were also very tall for their age so looked older but who cares what other people think!!

Please don't stress about this..2.5yrs is entirely normal age to only be thinking about potty training. All my girls were nearer 3 by the time that had mastered it and was never an issue. 2 years is early and 18 highly unlikely in my opinion!

My eldest was over 3yrs old. He decided one day to wear pants and that was it...

I tried when he was 2.5 (because my mummy mates were and it was a soul destroying disaster.

Try at 3 and don't worry

My son will be three in October and we've literally only started to potty train him. He's ready now and it's going well so far. Please don't stress, it'll happen when he's ready. There is so much pressure when you're a mum so please try not to let it get to you!

I have two ds. First I left until he was very nearly 3, we tried earlier and it was a disaster. He was dry within 2 weeks.
Second did it a little earlier, maybe 2 yrs 9 months and was dry within a week, it helped he had an older brother. A friend started at 2yrs and had months and months and months of accidents, screw that!. I think leaving it later made it much easier for my two.

They are now 13 and 15 and funnily enough don’t have accidents. I look back and it seems so silly to have got so stressed about it, they do get there in the end.

Mine was well over 3.
She's almost 20 and its just so irrelevant now, do what's best, and remember, in the grand scheme of things, its really not a problem.

My DD is three and still not potty trained. We have tried and are getting support from our lovely HV as the nursery teacher was a bit arsey about it but you can't force it if they aren't ready.

You really can't teach potty training to a child who isn't willing to learn. Trust me, I've tried. My sister was the same with her wee one, both tried and tried but it wasn't until they decided they would do it that they did and it only took 3 days. Don't fret, 2.5 is young really, especially for boys. He'll do it when he's ready. Leave it a month, and have another go

I actually don’t know any child who was potty trained much before 2.5 years. Actually I know one parent who forced it around 2 - her daughter is now 3.5 and she bitterly regrets it as they’re still having trouble (which she thinks is related to introducing it too young).

It’s nothing to worry about. Having worked in childcare for years, if several of your friends had kids toilet trained at 18 months then many of them are lying/have different standards. In my experience if a child is toilet trained under two then that means the parents pull their pants down for them and dangle them over the toilet/potty every 19 minutes otherwise they’ll wet themselves. As far as I’m concerned a child is only toilet trained when they can say ‘I need a wee,’ pull their pants down, sit and wee/poo, possibly a bit of help wiping, then wash their hands. People are so desperate to say their child is toilet trained that they are basically doing it before the child is ready. There is the very rare child who trains very young but most are between 2.5-3.5 by the time they are toilet trained.

Try having a child who started school not completely potty trained! People love to judge but don't know about SEN, even like SEN like my DC can make toilet training so much harder.

Mild SEN I meant

Also, don’t feel bad about it. I’m sure when your ds applies to uni he won’t be denied a Russel group education because he was still in nappies at 3. Nobody knows or cares by reception/primary school!

Ds was 3 when it all clicked and we ditched the nappies. He was very stubborn and headstrong and just wasn’t ready earlier- I didn’t want to push it and traumatise him. So I relaxed and it literally happened over night! I always gave him access to a potty and if I was going to the toilet I asked him if he wanted to go too, but I didn’t push it further than that. It will click one day for your ds, I believe boys can take a bit longer and at 2.5 he is still so young!

Most children I know trained between 2.5-3.5. I think you're honestly imagining the judgmental looks.

As pp said. Those that 'train' early, aren't trained.

My son was almost 3 when it clicked for him. We tried at 2.5 and he just wasn't ready.

My son is also very tall. He's 4 but looks 6/7. We got those looks too, but it is what it is.

If he's not ready then don't force him op. Ds was 2 yrs and 9 months when I toilet trained him and I felt embarrassed too that I hadn't tried sooner, but I was also wary of trying before he was ready as I had heard from friends who had done that and it was a nightmare for them. Anyway, as soon as we tried, he cracked it in a few days! I'm glad we didn't try it sooner.

Ignore other people and leave it til he’s ready, much easier on him and you if you do it that way!

And it’ll work quicker!

Your health visitor is an idiot. I don’t bother with my HV anymore, because she has said all sorts of ridiculous things to me over time.

2.5 is absolutely not too old. And if you’re still not there when he goes to pre-school, they will be understanding and often help. Children learn better in their own time when they’re ready. You’ll get there. X

Don't feel bad at all. My ds is 2.5 and he's not ready or interested at all yet and that's fine. We talk about using the toilet, have some books and he often comes in with me or his dad, we sometimes ask if he'd like to try but he doesn't. Kids all learn in their own time and it's so so important not to force it if he's not ready. You know your child best