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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:
merryhouse · 06/08/2021 21:45

@eternalopt

Both my boys were 3 before it clicked with them so both dry before they started school nursery but had they not been, they wouldn't have been alone.

Someone I know who forced the issue has dreadful problems now with her child not knowing natural cues and having continence problems.

Panic not.

I could say exactly this.

(Except that all the children are now adults and use the toilet just fine Grin)

I didn't take up a January nursery place because I thought S1 wouldn't be ready (he actually cracked it in the first couple of days of term, but never mind). When I, ten years later, told the school Business Manager about this she said "oh we have several still in nappies when they start" - they don't publicise that but cope if/when it happens.

Do people not read Toddler Taming any more? It was huge twenty years ago but I've not seen anyone talk about it recently.

LouLou789 · 06/08/2021 21:47

Every child is different and therefore concentrating on different things, some walk early, others are good at puzzles, some want to learn to talk, others are prompt in potty training. There’s so much for them to learn!
DS1 said (just before he was 2) “No nappy” and was trained in a couple of weeks (though not so for poos!) and with DS2 I started trying to train him at 2.5 because of the playgroup pressure and really, it took A Whole F-ing Year. He was sort of OK at 3.5 but not dry at night till he was 6. They get there. Honestly, a couple of months in a child’s life makes a huge difference. Just relax and try again later in the year. I wish I had not been so pressured with DS2

biffyboom · 06/08/2021 21:54

My ds was 3.5, and only learned through being at preschool and copying the other children. Dd was 3, and again learned at preschool. I'd tried with both at home, but they just weren't ready or interested. When preschool told me they had used the toilet, I followed their lead and it happened really quickly after that. Hope you feel better after hearing everyones different experiences Smile

Goldbar · 06/08/2021 22:00

My DC trained between 3-3.5, very low stress and very few accidents.

We did the opposite of the "Oh crap" method. Explained to DC what the toilet was for, got a stool and kids toilet seat (no emptying disgusting potties here!), read some books, bought some cool dinosaur pants and offered DC the choice of nappies/pants. They chose nappies at first but eventually got more confident using the toilet and then changed over to pants when they felt confident they weren't going to have an accident. So at first they'd wear pants at home, then to the local playground, then to nursery and finally everywhere. It took a few months from start to finish but we didn't mind since we weren't dealing with wet pants the whole time.

dontputitinyourmouth · 06/08/2021 22:02

Both my boys were 3+, we didn’t stress about it, waited till they showed an interest and when I had a few days at home I just ditched the nappies, they both got it really quickly, then never really had an accidents after that, they were both dry at night at around the same time so we just got rid of the night time pull ups too. Doing it that way rather than trying to train them just meant it was quick and saved any drama about it.

My mum insists I was potty trained at just over 1, while I’m not saying it’s impossible I think what she actually means it she got rid of the nappies and put me on the toilet or potty every half hour for months on end!

Wnikat · 06/08/2021 22:08

Didn’t train either of mine till 3, they both seem fine..

Bluebellbike · 06/08/2021 22:16

My DS was 3y 10m when he suddenly said. "I don't want to wear nappies any more". I had already bought pants for when he was ready. I thought there would be lots of accidents but no. He had decided himself that he was ready. The same night when I came to put his night time nappy on he wouldn't have it. He never did wet the bed or his pants.
I had deliberately left his toilet training until late because I tried early with my DD and it was a nightmare, wet pants all the time.

katienana · 06/08/2021 22:16

Ds1 was about 2.5 and I was chuffed with that. Ds2 was almost 3 but it only took 2 days! Both were completely dry at night from the start (I know that's a hormonal thing). Used the oh crap method. It was brilliant.

RainbowMum11 · 06/08/2021 22:19

My DD was nearly 3.5 before she was fully ready, dry through the night ages before - and I know other kids who were dry through the day early but then still wetting through the night at 6.

It's a combination of a hormone and time - don't panic at all.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 06/08/2021 22:22

My very bright, very happy child was non verbal and still in nappies at three years five months. She started talking and was dry day and night within a week.

tsmainsqueeze · 06/08/2021 22:26

Both my sons were 3 before they were fully out of nappies , they just weren't ready ,
It worried me and it was frustrating ,but i had a very wise experienced health visitor and she said they were completely normal and it would happen .
When it happened it was really quick , there was no going back and they very rarely had accidents .
My daughter was out of nappies much earlier than my boys but she had quite a few accidents.
Each child is an individual and they all get there in the end .

tactum · 06/08/2021 22:32

Both of mine were over 3 when it happened - to be honest I can't even remember exactly when it happened. Now 17 &18 - can you actually tell when they learned to piss in the toilet? Not surprisingly, no!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/08/2021 22:37

YABU to let them make you feel bad.
ignore them.
some kids are ready at 18m, some are not ready until they almost start school.

I tried to potty train both DS1 & DS2 when they were 2 (summer babies) and "failed" spectacularly with both.
DS1 couldn't care less, DS2 freaked out the first time he tried it and the potty got stuck on his bum🤣
I do pick my battles so I gave up this DOA adventure both times, waited a year then went for toilet training.
they were pretty much out of nappies during the day within a few weeks.

I never even bothered with potty training for the others.
one of them was in nappies during the day until 2 weeks before they started reception.

stop feeling guilty.

MrsG30 · 06/08/2021 22:38

Don’t stress at all. He will get it.

My DC1 was “trained” at 2 - yet we had a year of constant reminding and accidents. What we’d done was elimination control which is not the same thing. When DC turned 3 I could see it clicked and the accidents stopped. There was no need to train at 2, I should have waited.

The only thing DC did do was to be dry at night at 2.5, but I still haven’t the foggiest idea how that happened.

hmb255 · 06/08/2021 22:42

All of mine potty trained at around 3 and got it within a few days. Very few accidents and no stress. I think waiting until they are ready is the best thing to do rather then have stress and battles over it with your child,

TheGoogleMum · 06/08/2021 22:45

DD will be 3 in November and isn't ready. We have a potty and encourage her to sit on it but she doesn't get it at all. In fact she weed on the floor 30cm away from the potty the other day. I dont think it can be forced, best to wait till they're ready

Crowsaregreat · 06/08/2021 22:45

Tbh I think kids used to pay train much earlier because people used washable nappies or disposables that cost £££ and were unreliable. Cheap, good nappies have pushed the age up so there's less incentive to potty train.

MzHz · 06/08/2021 22:49

My ds wasn’t potty trained til he was 3

He’s 15 now.. he got the hang of it!

Honestly they’re ready when they’re ready

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/08/2021 22:49

@Crowsaregreat

Tbh I think kids used to pay train much earlier because people used washable nappies or disposables that cost £££ and were unreliable. Cheap, good nappies have pushed the age up so there's less incentive to potty train.
^^

absolutely.
kids were happy, I was happy.
there was no need to rock the boat!

BuckellsTrunshon · 06/08/2021 22:56

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

My very bright, very happy child was non verbal and still in nappies at three years five months. She started talking and was dry day and night within a week.
@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere how old was she when this happened?
Rabbitheadlights · 06/08/2021 22:56

I have 7 DC and they were all "ready" at different times DD1 2.5yrs, DS1 3.5 yrs, DS2 3yrs, DS3 5yrs!!!!! , DD2 3 yrs11months and DS3 is 3 now but will th complex additional needs and DD3 is just turned 2 and showing signs of being ready.

The moral if that story is that all children are different and do things in their own time. Please try not to worry and those that say their DC were toilet trained at 18months I'd be inclined to think they were lying tbh.

Maray1967 · 06/08/2021 22:59

Don’t worry. My DS1 was trained at 2 years 3months, quite easily. DS2 not until one week after his third birthday. Our nursery staff were great, very relaxed about. He had not a single accident apart from not getting his pants down far enough when he went to the loo. Nursery staff told me that it would probably be much easier at a later age and it was. He simply said one day that he wanted to wear pants and that was it.
My HV told me that my parents generation used to claim we were potty trained by 18 months but that it was complete nonsense. They just put us on the potty a lot and at obvious times eg after meals, but that is not actually training.

I was getting concerned at two and a half but I wish I hadn’t as it was so straightforward just after he turned 3.

StripyHorse · 06/08/2021 23:01

Ooops clicked YANBU.

I don't mean you are right to be embarassed, I meant it is not unreasonable for a 2.5 year old to still be in nappies.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/08/2021 23:01

@Rabbitheadlights

I have 7 DC and they were all "ready" at different times DD1 2.5yrs, DS1 3.5 yrs, DS2 3yrs, DS3 5yrs!!!!! , DD2 3 yrs11months and DS3 is 3 now but will th complex additional needs and DD3 is just turned 2 and showing signs of being ready.

The moral if that story is that all children are different and do things in their own time. Please try not to worry and those that say their DC were toilet trained at 18months I'd be inclined to think they were lying tbh.

@Rabbitheadlights

I have 7 kids too!
While being ready to lose the nappy during the day only varied between 3y and 4y+ there was a much bigger difference in night time nappy wearing.
DS2 wanted to stop when he was 4, one of them still needed it beyond aged 9, the others were in between