Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:
SmallestInTheClass · 06/08/2021 20:43

Not unusual at all, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Wait until they are ready, I know loads who didn't potty train until after 3. I do have a friend who 'forced' potty training on her son at 2 and ended up with him still wetting himself aged 6 and struggling at night. She dearly wished she'd waited until he had been ready for it and was fine when she took a more relaxed approach with her second. Try again in a few months or when he says he wants to.

FrancesFlute · 06/08/2021 20:44

Another to say he's not too old. My son was 3y4m. He wasn't ready before. Nursery (private) didn't mention it at all. I had one NCT friend whose son was about a week younger who was the same. I worked in a nursery a few years ago and the majority trained between 2.5 and 3 but there absolutely were kids over 3 in nappies. Even one 4yo. 2.5y really isn't unusual. Please don't feel guilty Smile

EmeraldShamrock · 06/08/2021 20:44

Totally normal for many DC.

FrancesFlute · 06/08/2021 20:45

Oh and by waiting til 3y4m, my DS took to it really well and we hardly had any accidents.

OhForGoodnessSake1 · 06/08/2021 20:45

DS1 got out of nappies at 3 years 2 months - only took about a week at that point, it all felt remarkably easy. We tried earlier and he just wasn't ready so gave up. I remember saying something about he being on the older side and my NZ friend looked at me as if I was mad: 3.5 years the norm there (at that point - may have changed, of course). DS2 was older, just managed before he started reception (and at 12 is still struggling at night :( ). Nephew was also being trained around his 4th birthday in time for school.

Rtmhwales · 06/08/2021 20:45

I tried DS at 2 and 2.5, he wasn't interested and would just pee all over himself. I tried him a week after his third birthday and he was trained in 24h.

Why feel guilty? It's not a failure on yours or his part. More like a failure of society to accept every kid is different. I wouldn't force the issue honestly and tell everybody to mind their own business.

Reallyreallyborednow · 06/08/2021 20:45

If they aren’t ready they aren’t ready. You’ll wither have months of accidents, or leave him in nappies until ready. He will be dry around the same age whichever.

My mum came out with a corker- i “needed” to train apparently as she’d seen a programme on tv where the parents waited to toilet train. They now had two sons off to uni still in nappies. Apparently this programme was one of those expert help solve parenting problem ones Grin

Anyway I ignored her. Dc woke up one day dry, and started using the toilet. No accidents. I think they were a month off 3. Much less hassle than trying to force it and having to carry round potties and changes of clothes, and deal with accidents.

x2boys · 06/08/2021 20:45

My oldest was about 3 years and four months before he was out of nappies no SEN
My youngest was ten! But he has severe autism and learning disabilities.

Justnipping · 06/08/2021 20:46

We left it until 3+ and there wasn't really much training involved - it was a doddle. Pants and lots of "have a wee now please" before we did anything. Pull-ups overnight for the next 6 months -year until we were sure they were dry every morning. I think we were a combination of lucky, lazy and unaware it was a competition.

funinthesun19 · 06/08/2021 20:46

Oh I really don’t enjoy potty training at all. It’s so stressful.

But children do it when they’re ready. My children ranged in different ages.
Dc1- 2
Dc2- 4
Dc3- 3
Dc4- 2

My experience above there just shows that children don’t all do it at 2 or before. There is no right age. Parents shouldn’t beat themselves up about it, but I know from bitter experience that that’s easier said than done!
I have seen mixed messages regarding pre school. The health visitor might not be correct. Might be worth doing your own research on that one whether the school can stop him from starting. It sounds like discrimination to me.

Original poster
Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:46

Thanks everyone, that does make me feel better! The last thing I want to do is pressure him into it or show any feelings of anxiety about it. I'm sure he will get it one day. I think largely his communication could be a big part. He didn't say any words until after his second birthday and although he does speak in sentences now, he still has some catching up to do. I'm going to relax and take a big break from it!

OP posts:
FawkesThePhoenix · 06/08/2021 20:46

My son was pretty easy because we waited until he was ready. He started weeing every night whilst waiting for his bath to run so we got a potty and encouraged him to do his bath time wee on the potty.

A few weeks later...lockdown happened. DS was 2.8. As we were stuck in the house I just decided to let him wonder around without a nappy and kept the potty in the living room but he decided all of a sudden that he hated the potty and held his wee in until he ended up wetting himself. He was clearly telling me that he wasnt ready so I went back to nappies for a few weeks and didnt mention it again during that time. After a few weeks I asked if he would like pants on or a nappy and he chose pants so we started again. This time it clicked and we havent looked back. We had a few a accidents but not many. A couple of weeks after being dry through the day, he refused to wear a nappy to bed and hasnt wet the bed once.

What I'm trying to say is every child is different! Some kids master it in one day, others can take months, others aren't even willing to try for ages. Please dont beat yourself up about this. Your DC will do it when they're ready and you'll find the whole process so much easier than if youd forced it. Good luck, I'm sure it wont be long and he will be calling you into the bathroom to wipe his bum Grin

SmashingBlouson · 06/08/2021 20:46

First son was 3 and took to it well as I didn't pressure him to get it earlier. My other son is 27 months, still in nappies and only just showing some signs of readiness, but I'm still waiting a few months. Most boys I know were trained at 3-3.5. My HV said 2.5-3 as an average age.

By the way, my second son started nursery at 15 months, I'm not sure what your HV would suggest to babies who need to be potty trained before starting nursery.

lannistunut · 06/08/2021 20:47

3 is pretty normal, nothing to be embarrassed about.

Littlepies · 06/08/2021 20:47

DD was 3yrs 4month when we started, which was normal in my mum group, don’t stress!

Notsurenow43 · 06/08/2021 20:48

My eldest is only just dry now at 4.5 (no medical issue), my youngest was dry at 21 months. Sorry for the shite advice but just chill x

Willowowisp · 06/08/2021 20:48

Both mine were over two and a half. They both asked to wear big pants. It's so much easier when you're on the same side. It'll come. Don't let the "baby Olympics" get you down.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 06/08/2021 20:49

I wouldn't worry yet.

I had one that was trained early without too much effort and a stubborn one that I ended up bribing with smarties a couple of months after he turned 3. I'd tried a couple of times before that and it just didn't work.

UndertheCedartree · 06/08/2021 20:50

Lots of DC don't even start potty training until 2.5 or 3 so your DC isn't behind atall. What kind of pre-school is he going to? Many, many DC are not potty trained at 3yo.

Gindrinker43 · 06/08/2021 20:52

Please don't worry about it. My eldest was well over 3 when we succeeded and wet for years at night. The youngest did it nearly a year earlier and was dry at night within 6 months.
More problems come from pushing it before they are ready Smile

pingittypong · 06/08/2021 20:53

It's just one of those things. Daughter dry day and night by 2 years 2 months, son started potty training at 3 years and 2 months and took another 6 months for it to really click (so almost 4 years old by that point)
He's now almost 5 and still has one accident every couple of weeks, whereas daughter has not had a single accident since the age of 2.

Arsebucket · 06/08/2021 20:53

Both mine were over 3.

Da was almost three abs a half and one day I just said “oh no, no more nappies shall we use the toilet?” and he did. Never had an accident.

His nappies had been dry at night for a while and he was just ready.

I had friends who drove themselves crazy trying to potty train from 2 years old, had such a hard time, accidents, withholding poo.

I figured he would just do it when he was ready and he did. Dd was slightly younger and did the same, just a little over her 3rd birthday.

x2boys · 06/08/2021 20:53

@Paint69

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.
Well he doesnt need to be toilet trained before preschool, as that would discriminate against children who have medical needs /disabilities or just late to toilet train for whatever reason, ideally you would try to get him toilet trained but if he isnt ready he isnt ready and 2.5 is very young in the great scheme of things
PetronellaPea · 06/08/2021 20:54

You can only do it when HE is ready, not before. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does and any nice reasonable parent would never judge you.

We only started with my daughter at around 2.5. We got her trained during the day in the space of ten days or so once we’d started (we did the intensive full on version!) Please don’t worry, just give it a try when you think he’s ready.

MaryShelley1818 · 06/08/2021 20:54

We waited until after DS turned 3, meant he was dry day and night within days. He's never had an accident outside either.
I'd rather wait until he was ready than have him weeing everywhere.

Swipe left for the next trending thread