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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:
MonsterJammin · 06/08/2021 20:54

Both of my DS were 3 before it clicked (DS1 on 3rd birthday and ds2 was 3.2). Both were stubborn and dead against even trying to the point they'd hold in pee so much they were at risk of an infection so we just left them until they were ready AND willing. Which meant they were a wee bit older but then immediately "got it" and we haven't had to deal with accidents and changes of clothes.

Nooproblemoo · 06/08/2021 20:55

My DD is 2 years 9 months and is still in nappies. She doesn't want to use the toilet yet and I'm not going to force her, she'll get there in her own time. Don't worry about it.

Xmassprout · 06/08/2021 20:56

I honestly don't know why people get so weird about this. It's a developmental thing, some children are ready earlier than others. It's not really much to do with you so people are stupid to judge. Sure you could push him and put him in pants and deal with constant accidents. But what's the point? It certainly won't help his confidence and motivation if he's constantly having accidents. Far better waiting until he is ready

NotWanting · 06/08/2021 20:57

I waited till mine took their nappies off themselves and wanted to wear pants. Quick and easy, done and dusted both day and night in one go.

They were both around their 3rs birthdays.

CazM2012 · 06/08/2021 20:57

Please don’t worry and ignore HV many don’t have a clue and just parrot what “the book” says. My DC potty trained between 20 months and 3.5 years, every child is different, the DC who trained latest is most reliable funnily.

laalaaland · 06/08/2021 20:58

My son was also not interested at all, then we got him out of nappies almost bang on his 3rd birthday. We had literally only one or two accidents. No need for reward charts or stress. He did it when he was ready.
I've worked in a nursery so have seen the full spectrum..some starting to use a toilet at 18m, others still in nappies at 4. Try not to worry and do your best to ignore the judgy mums.

(Also, remember day time and night time dryness are not connected for most. My son is just beginning to be reliably dry at night at 6.)

BingIsAMassiveTwat · 06/08/2021 20:58

Totally normal. Doing it when they're ready is so much easier all around. We waited until a month before DD turned 3 and after day 2 had zero accidents. I have friends who trained younger who are still having issues 6 months down the line. I know which option I prefer!

sayanythingelse · 06/08/2021 20:59

I think that's a pretty normal age. We started training DD at about 2.5 but she's very strong willed and I just don't think she could be bothered. She wasn't reliably dry until she started nursery and saw other kids using the toilet. Now she's nearly 4 and takes herself to the toilet unaided.

burritofan · 06/08/2021 21:00

HV are full of shite, HTH.

Noshowlomo · 06/08/2021 21:00

2.5 old and no where near started training. Bought a potty, it’s in the room and is met with a NO when mentioned.
I’ll start gently again next month and offer bribes !!

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 06/08/2021 21:00

Mine is 3 in October and still in nappies. I don’t feel judged for it at all. I’d like to get it done before 3 but we’re in no hurry.
If you’ve tried everything then he’s not ready to be trained

GreenTortoise · 06/08/2021 21:00

My son is 25 months and I'm only just about to start. He won't get it straight away and I think 3 is mainly the closer age for getting them potty trained.

You're not lazy at all.

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2021 21:01

It's a developmental thing, some children are ready earlier than others

Well no it’s about hormones, they need certain hormones to feel it And kids get those at different times.

Confused102 · 06/08/2021 21:01

My ds nursery advised to start at 3 and they would assist us. We jointly worked together and he was completely dry in 2 weeks !! And we only did night just before he turned 4. From the very first night he was completely potty trained. Please don't feel guilty, it's not a badge of Honor having your child out of nappies as early as possible.

shouldistop · 06/08/2021 21:01

Thinking back, when ds1 had his 2.5 year check the HV didn't even mention toilet training.

PicturesOfLily · 06/08/2021 21:02

I tried a couple of times with dd and she didn’t get it so I waited until she was ready and she got it almost immediately at 2.11. We’ve had very few accidents since. 2.5 definitely isn’t late and I agree that’s it’s much easier to just wait until they’re ready.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 06/08/2021 21:03

My DD was three when she finally decided she would use the potty. When l first introduced it, she kicked it across the room and yelled 'no potty!!' So that was a bit too soon.

Sometimes it's a power struggle. DD never does something if she knows l want her to do it. If l pretend l don't care there is much less stress.

twinkie100 · 06/08/2021 21:03

My eldest was 3 years and 2 months exactly you. We had tried twice in the twos and it was just too early. MANY MANY of my friends were the same with their kids. Honestly around 3 (just before or just after) seemed like the magic time.

You carry on - you're not remotely behind and have nothing to worry about. Health Visitors can be so judgy! 😂

Mogloveseggs · 06/08/2021 21:04

Dd was dry day and night before 3.
Ds was day dry at just over 3 but he was nearly 7 before he was dry at night. Don't worry. If he's not showing signs then leave it a bit then try again in a couple of months.

Twobirdsinatree · 06/08/2021 21:05

YABU
both of mine were/are still in nappies at 3!
My son just got it one day when he was around 3 and a half and was dry in pants day and night from then on...
I'm very relaxed about my daughter who just turned 3. She has a potty and a toilet seat and occasionally uses them but I dont push her particularly. I know when she's ready she will do it. I dont really agree with harassing kids about nappies before they are ready. No kid wants to wear nappies once they hit 3 anyway because they start seeing their friends and maybe start nursery etc... they will take more of an interest in using the toilet... I just dont think that with most NT children its something you really have to force

Lottieskeeper · 06/08/2021 21:07

I 'trained' my DD at just turned 2. I thought she was ready after reading an awful American book on potty training that suggested if I waited it would be to late.
It was a huge mistake and now at 5 and a half she is very unreliable and under a specialist bladder and bowel specialist.

My DS is 2.5 and I'm not even contemplating it until he actually tells me he wants to.

I'm sure DDs problems are at least in part down to being trained before she was ready.

PeapodBurgundy · 06/08/2021 21:11

Sometimes there's nothing to be done. If they're not ready, then they're not ready.

DD turns 3 at the end of this month, and has been consistently dry during the day for well over a year. She took it upon herself to start using the potty we had out for DS, then decided withing a week she preferred the step and seat on the toilet. I had no input at all.

DS is 5.5 and has never been dry. He's just regressed to soiling himself again (undergoing various needs assessments). We've done everything we (and several professionals) can think of, and nada.

They'll get there in their own time.

LimeRedBanana · 06/08/2021 21:11

Don’t stress. DS was nearly three when he got it. His sister, who’s 18 months younger and him, got out of nappies at the same time!

He won’t be in them forever.

SparkyBlue · 06/08/2021 21:13

OP please don't get into the competitive toilet training drama. You will have people telling you that each child should be trained at barely two. Just ignore them. One of mine trained at 2.5 and another at almost 4. My little girl is 2.5 and no signs yet of being ready. Once they are actually ready there is no real training involved as they understand it fully

VividImagination · 06/08/2021 21:14

My elder two were trained just after their 2nd birthdays with ds2 being dry at night too so I thought I was pretty good at it. Ds3 however, seemed completely unable to get the hang of it and was 3.2 and at nursery before he was trained and seven before he was dry at night. They all take their own time.