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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 07/08/2021 08:19

????

Really 2.5 is very young. Round here my friends toddlers were all around 3 at least.

My eldest was 2.5. Tried with my second at 2.5, he wasn't ready. Tried again at nearer 3 and he clicked with it literally overnight.

Please don't worry any more about this!

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 09:29

[quote Twizbe]@wincarwoo yet many other posters on here demonstrate what that means.

They were encourage to train before the child was ready and endured a much longer period of accidents. The poster above me (a childcare professional) mentioned that in reality those 'trained' children are really just rushed to the toilet and wees caught.

To be trained the child needs to be able to clear communicate with the parent that they need to go and be able to hold it until getting to the toilet.

[/quote]
Yes and that's what my early trained children did. That's what training means. They learn to give signals or go by themselves.

In fact the research indicated that earlier was easier so that's what I did.

Samafe · 07/08/2021 09:34

2.5 is absolutely fine!!!! My son is 2y2m old, I tried to start the process but it did not click yet. I am giving him few more weeks/month and we will try again. I will not force him. Every child is different, i am sure you are doing a great job!

Comtesse · 07/08/2021 09:36

Mate - let it go. We didn’t even start til 3rd birthday. Don’t get into that competitive crap.

BlueSurfer · 07/08/2021 09:37

I don’t think training at two is early, it’s just at the earlier end of the normal range. Likewise, training at 3.5 is at the later end of the normal range. It’s like walking - a child who walks at 9/10 months is the early end of normal but you’d question a child walking at four months and whether it was genuine or whether a parent was taking their weight to support them.

startrek90 · 07/08/2021 09:43

If he's not ready he's not ready. I didn't start with my boys until they were 3-3 1/2. It went like a dream then. Maybe take the stress out of it for you both and take a pause and then come back in 6 months. Seriously don't worry

BrushMySmush · 07/08/2021 09:54

Only adding on to what others have said but our DD was at least 3 until she got it, only lockdown helped us get through as we were forced to be home all the time! She still has an accident about once per month and she’s 4 now. Don’t worry about timelines too much, I didn’t put pressure on myself or her and that worked best. They get there when they get there.

somethingischasingme · 07/08/2021 09:56

Dd decided at 2 she was taking off her nappy and that was that! Potty trained. Ds wasn't interested until he was nearly 3 and then did it quickly. Both dry at night a year later so dd by 3 and ds by 4. It's much easier when they're ready. Don't worry!

imnotsure1 · 07/08/2021 10:11

We tried when DD was just under two due to pressure - she clearly wasn't ready so the nappy was back on by the end of the day. I then waited until she was ready at just over 2.5. It meant she didn't actually need training and rarely had an accident. 2.5 really isn't that old, if you wait until he's ready (within reason) it's far easier than popping him on the toilet every 30 mins in the hopes he uses it.

dannydyerismydad · 07/08/2021 10:16

I work in a nursery school. September term around half of the children come to us still in nappies, and many of the ones in pants are unreliable and have accidents, because they are excited to be in new surroundings. Nursery staff are well used to it and don't mind at all.

Some children take to potty training straight away, others don't get it for ages. You can no more force a child to toilet train before they are ready than you can force them to run or speak. It's another developmental skill that they reach when they are ready.

Doightastic · 07/08/2021 10:27

Don’t stress. My son was 4 when he one day decided he no longer needed nappies and will use the normal toilet. He’s been dry day and night since then. He’s 5 and a half. I didn’t even train him.

ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 07/08/2021 10:32

Tried to potty train my son at 2. He wasn't ready. Tried at 2 and a half. Managed to use the potty once. Tried again at 3. He got it straight away and within days had decided he was only going to use a proper toilet.

Don't force him if he's not ready!

thebookworm1 · 07/08/2021 14:30

This article basically sums up why the age of potty training is going up and up.
My dh was potty trained by 13 months and according to my mum I was at 18 - both abroad. Probably many posters advocating late training as the only way we’re themselves potty trained much earlier.
But customs change and it’s much later now;

www.eric.org.uk/blog/why-are-children-potty-training-later

This article is good as well - basically the moral of the story is that however early or late you do it, you will be fine.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/10/31/health/potty-training-parenting-without-borders-explainer/index.html

It amazes me the amount of people in this thread who are calling for non judgement of late potty trainers but slinging mud at those who train early. It doesn’t matter what others do, and just because someone else’s child was potty trained earlier than theirs doesn’t mean the early trained child was pushed inappropriately or the parents should be criticised. Just be happy for them…

Sarah180818 · 07/08/2021 14:45

Mine was 3 years and 4 months. We tried before but he wasn't ready and got really distressed. Leave it. Even a few weeks can make a massive difference

NavigationCentral · 07/08/2021 14:49

We didn’t even try till 3.75 years old. Done in a week.

HarrisMcCoo · 07/08/2021 14:51

My youngest has just started and will be 4yo. We started two weeks ago. So far it's been very straightforward.

Honestly, not worth getting hung up over their age. They will be ready when they're ready.

HarrisMcCoo · 07/08/2021 14:52

Sorry, will be 4yo in a few days!🤦🏻

HurryUpAndWait23 · 07/08/2021 15:12

I very much doubt a HV is "piling on the guilt" and if they are, they need to be reported.

TrashKitten10 · 07/08/2021 15:53

@thebookworm1

This article basically sums up why the age of potty training is going up and up. My dh was potty trained by 13 months and according to my mum I was at 18 - both abroad. Probably many posters advocating late training as the only way we’re themselves potty trained much earlier. But customs change and it’s much later now;

www.eric.org.uk/blog/why-are-children-potty-training-later

This article is good as well - basically the moral of the story is that however early or late you do it, you will be fine.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/10/31/health/potty-training-parenting-without-borders-explainer/index.html

It amazes me the amount of people in this thread who are calling for non judgement of late potty trainers but slinging mud at those who train early. It doesn’t matter what others do, and just because someone else’s child was potty trained earlier than theirs doesn’t mean the early trained child was pushed inappropriately or the parents should be criticised. Just be happy for them…

Great post.

My DD is 21 months and we started training last month and she has grasped it so well. She is still learning to manage pulling her undies up and down but she can hold on for hours, doesn't need any reminders and tells us every time she needs the toilet, I'm certainly not hanging her over a toilet every 20 minutes as a previous poster suggested must be the case with early potty training.

I posted earlier to say that later training is fine but equally so is earlier training and I don't understand why early potty training is being slated so much in this post Confused

Meatshake · 07/08/2021 16:01

I can't believe anyone is piling on the pressure, mine potty trained at 2.5 and everyone tells me how young he is to be toilet trained.

My eldest started at 3 and it took her a year before she was reliably dry. They're all different.

Silversun83 · 07/08/2021 16:50

As others have said, I think 2.5-3 is pretty much average nowadays.

Just turned 2 is definitely on the early side.

My DD was about 2.9 when she potty trained but my DS only just potty trained about a month ago at 3.3!

But even though my DD trained in about a day (compared to around a week for DS), she continued to have the odd wee accident for a good six months after whereas other than in the initial training period, DS has never.

They're all different and will all get there!

TheWayOfTheWorld · 07/08/2021 17:10

Mine were both in nappies until 3 years and 3/4 months. Potty trained within a week with minimal fuss, stress and mess (1 accident between the pair of them). Couldn't give a fig about what others thought about them still being in nappies at 3.

MrsMonkeyBear · 07/08/2021 18:07

Both of mine were around 3-3½ when they cracked potty training. DD2 is still in nighttime nappies (pull ups) as she's not reliable over night.

They don't need to be potty trained for preschool as its discrimination, so your HV is talking out their arse.

Starjammer · 07/08/2021 18:12

DD is 2.5 and none of the toddlers from our antenatal group are toilet trained yet. Our nursery hasn't even mentioned it. We are planning to start next weekend but if it's not happening then we won't stress about it.

Most people I know, their kids have been between 2.5 and 3 before they were reliably toilet trained.

speakout · 07/08/2021 18:16

I didn't even try before the ge of three- in fact my kids decided- just one day- "no more nappies" and that was it- dry day and night instantly.
Could not have been easier.