To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

[Paint69]

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

Just potty trained my 3 year old after a false start at 2.5years old. She cracked it in 2 days. Ignore the pressure and do it when its right for you and your LO. They all get there, can't recall seeing any kids in Reception with a nappy on so please don't sweat it on this.

OP don't be embarrassed 2 1/2 is fairly normal age to be thinking of potty training not many are properly dry before this age. In my experience boys tend to be a little later so nearer 3.

Just relax and introduce the idea to your DS he will take the lead when he is ready. As a Mum of an 18 year old I don't know why parenting is so competitive but honestly enjoy this age and don't engage with other parents.

My 3rd DS was just over 3 when he was potty trained. I was pushed a bit by nursery so tried it at 2.5yrs and it was an absolute disaster. So we stopped. Waited till he was properly ready and he was sorted dayband night within 2 weeks.

It's definitely not worth doing until they are ready. Every child is different.

How strange these HVs are. My friends HV told her to start potty training her dd when she turns 3 as they are more likely to 'get it'. My own dd started doing wees in the potty when she was 2.5 but didn't master the art of pooing in the potty until she was 3 years 4 mnths. She would sit on her potty but nothing would come out. She would even try to help it along but it didn't happen. There are many children who are not out of nappies when they start preschool. I know quite a few children were not out of nappies when my dd started preschool. Dont worry or feel guilty, in the absence of a medical issue he'll get it when he is ready. Trying to push him could lead to health issues. I have never seen anyone coming into work in nappies, so I am sure everyone 'gets it' eventually.

The average age for potty training has shot up in the past 20 years. It means older generations are easily shocked by today’s standards but as this thread shows, around 3 is a very common age to potty train now.

In the 80s and further back it was more commonly 18 months / 2 and in many parts of the world they start even younger. All children seem to survive just fine either way even though early potty training gets more criticism in the UK now than late potty training! You’re totally fine at 2,5

@User5827372728

What!!!

My NT kid was out of nappies at 3 years 7 months. Defo on the older side but didn’t think it was a problem

Same - this was my DS. Then DD trained at 2years and 4 months. Just different personalities/natures.

Definitely YANBU- the other day I had to sit and listen to a slightly too loud woman incessantly asking her child, about the same age as mine, if they wanted the potty. Literally every third sentence (and she didn't shut up). The thing for me was the child wasn't saying any words so I'm not sure it was a two way street, what was the point? She was pregnant like me and I judged the fact that to me she had rushed to try to potty train the first. I'd love DD to be trained before the baby arrives but she just isn't ready, and I've only got two months to either nail or it not attempt it. I'm going to aim to wait until Christmas I think but if she's not ready then, so be it!

DS didn't crack it until nearly 3 yrs either even though he did know what it was all about whereas DD was under 2.5. I wouldn't worry, he'll turn around and all of a sudden do it.

I think some children “aren’t interested” because they don’t think about it so it doesn’t occur to them as something to do. I put all 3 of mine on the potty regularly and read a book. No mention of weeing initially but excited praise if they accidentally wee’d in it. I also used towelling pants not nappies or pull up nappies so they were aware of when they wee’d.

Personally I think some children are potty-trained too late now. If you leave it till 3 or 3 and 1/2 they’re self-aware of it and can be stubborn or upset, and it becomes a Big Thing rather than a natural progression.

I think you’re ok to start at 2.5. If he really can’t get it, leave it for a month or so, then try again. Don’t let the HV stress you. I found potty books good. There was one called Pirate Pete maybe. Doing the training calmly and methodically does work.

It seems to be a big influence from the 'oh crap' book which suggests it must be done at a certain time. Look at the people close to you, I bet there is one who needs to pee all the time and one who pees once a day, the process involved in emptying your bladder is such an individual thing so why would it be any different in children?

My mums friend had 4 boys and said to me she wouldn't even think of attempting it before 2yr7 months. Mine was a month older because I was staying with MIL with cream carpets until then. He got it in 4 days and 2 years on has had one accident. I've never had to take a potty anywhere with me. He was dry at night and naps at the same time too. I would be incredibly surprised if your friend who trained at 18m didn't have quite a few accidents along the way. Taking them to the toilet every 2 hours to empty their bladder is not toilet trained, its elimination communication.

Your DS has got some catching up to do communication wise, would he be able to say 'mummy i need the toilet? Training before he can might lead him to an accident infront of his friends which can be a real set back and could potentially lead to bowel issues such as stool withholding.

I think a great way to build him up to it is

1. Pick a date a couple months away that suits you with no work commitments/new preschool/family commitments that you have the time to be at home.

1. Practice sitting on the toilet before bath time at night on the kid toilet seat attachment so he gets used to it while the bath is running. DS moved his bowels from age 1 while doing that (again not in anyway toilet trained!) Just good positioning and timing.

1. A bit weird but I've always emptied the contents of their nappies down the toilet while they help me and say bye when I got them to flush it away. There is obviously no research base but I think it helps them know where poop goes and stops that fear of the toilet. They both knew how the toilet worked long before toilet training.

Goodness me. He’s fine. He’ll do it when he’s ready and not before. Ignore judgy folk.

Dc 2 is nearly 3 and we’re just gently suggesting it at this stage. Had a right nightmare with dc 1 having a regression so this time I’m leaving it until dc is fully interested and engaged. It’s one of those things that causes a lot of stress but it’s not really anything to worry about in the long run op.

my dd completely refused to potty train until 1 month after her 3rd birthday. It genuinely was traumatic for her in our previous attempts so I took a step back and let her take the lead.
I honestly wouldn't worry. It takes some children until 4 to get the hang of it xx

I'd be thrilled if mine had been completely toilet trained at 2 1/2. That's young! In my experience most kids aren't really ready to even start until closer to 3.

Try not to stress about it. Both my boys were toilet trained the July before their 3rd birthdays (both born in September) and my 3 year old had only just conquered poos in the potty and he is nearly four (he would wait until he had his pull up on or do it in his pants 🤢🙈)

If your DS isn't interested then leave it for a few months, you won't win if he doesn't want to do it.

Most nurseries are happy to change a nappies if children are still in them and maybe your DS may be encouraged to do it by seeing other children/his new friends using the potty/toilet once at pre-school.

My dd was very nearly 3 when we did potty training. I gave zero shits what others thought. Training was easy, hardly any accidents. A friend's kid was I think 3 1/2 when they successfully trained him. It really doesn't matter. Just do what is best for your dc and you.

My sisters started trying to toilet train their kids when they were younger - not much more than 2. But they had accidents all the time! What's the point?

He'll do it when he's ready Please don't feel embarrassed or guilty for that matter, you're doing absolutely fine. Also, 2.5-3y really isn't that old! Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Ime, most toddlers are between 2.5 and 3.5 before they are fully toilet trained. The younger they are the more accidents they tend to have, as a general rule.

No preschool should expect children to be fully trained. You might expect it of reception age children, but even then some have issues.

The most important thing is to know your toddler -when they show an interest, have dry nappies much of the day, tell you when they have done a wee or poo in the nappy that's when to introduce the idea of using the toilet. They need to be cooperative and able to communicate when they need to go. Avoid pull ups and go straight to proper pants when you decide to go for it.

I thinks it’s tough for taller kids as randoms think they are older than they are and expect more of them.

I didn’t even bother attempting it until my boys were 3. I’d rather wait until they are ready and it’s done quick than push it early and have accidents everywhere.

Ignore your HV. Surely Pre-school will change nappies? Ours did, and would help with potty training.

Please don't worry. My boy was about 3 when he potty trained. It was piss easy (pun intended), because he was ready. Took longer to be dry at night.
I watched other people struggle with younger kids, couldn't see the point. It was easy because he was ready.
My Mum always tells me I was out of nappies by 2, but hey ho. Everyone is different! Don't be so hard on yourself..

My ds really struggled. He was still having accidents regularly until 5. Just couldn't get the hang of it. Fine now. They all get there!

My daughter wasn't ready until she was just over three years old, before that all attempts failed.

At three she just decided she didn't want to wear a nappy anymore and was dry day and night within two weeks.

This is perfectly normal.

One of mine was quiet early , 2nd not till after their 3rd birthday , and happened almost overnight without me pushing it in anyway