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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:

Pantsomime · 07/08/2021 19:11

Best tip I got was you and dc need to be ready for it. With 1st Dc I’d planned when I had some time off but a week before dc ripped nappy off and said they didn’t want to wear it anymore just over age 3 and it took a week,Dry day and night. Next dc I started age 3, on and off for 2 weeks until they got it and reliably dry with a few accidents during day after another 2 weeks. Took another 5 years to be dry at night. Do not stress about it

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 07/08/2021 19:15

Don’t feel guilty. I didn’t even try it with DS until the day after his 3rd birthday and he was dry within a week with extremely rare night accidents (maybe one a month) for about a year. A lot of people on MN seem to get their kids out of nappies too early and then wonder why it takes them so long to be dry. He was just ready and that’s why it didn’t take long. I’d been keeping an eye on his nappies for a few months and noticing more and more how long he was going before he soiled them. That’s when I knew ‘big boy pants’ could be tried.

Pottedpalm · 07/08/2021 19:48

My DTs were both toilet trained around 2; we didn't really use a potty but had a secure seat with a step that they could manage perfectly well by themselves. Most of their friends were trained around the same age.
It’s amusing how those who advocate later training insist that children who are trained young are not really trained and will have numerous daily accidents. This was not my experience at all. DD was dry at night pretty soon after, DS took a lot longer but as nighttime dryness is controlled by a hormone there is nothing to do but wait until that hormone is produced.
Personally I think early training is preferable and leads to fewer problems than leaving it later.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 19:52

@Pottedpalm

My DTs were both toilet trained around 2; we didn't really use a potty but had a secure seat with a step that they could manage perfectly well by themselves. Most of their friends were trained around the same age. It’s amusing how those who advocate later training insist that children who are trained young are not really trained and will have numerous daily accidents. This was not my experience at all. DD was dry at night pretty soon after, DS took a lot longer but as nighttime dryness is controlled by a hormone there is nothing to do but wait until that hormone is produced. Personally I think early training is preferable and leads to fewer problems than leaving it later.

That was my experience too. The earlier I could get them out of expensive nappies the better.

SharonWhite67 · 07/08/2021 19:52

my daughter, Maddie, is turning 5 this week and still wears nappies! haha! Im just waiting for her to be ready for the big change #nopressure never let alone bring you down, do your thang!!

x2boys · 07/08/2021 20:49

@Pottedpalm

My DTs were both toilet trained around 2; we didn't really use a potty but had a secure seat with a step that they could manage perfectly well by themselves. Most of their friends were trained around the same age. It’s amusing how those who advocate later training insist that children who are trained young are not really trained and will have numerous daily accidents. This was not my experience at all. DD was dry at night pretty soon after, DS took a lot longer but as nighttime dryness is controlled by a hormone there is nothing to do but wait until that hormone is produced. Personally I think early training is preferable and leads to fewer problems than leaving it later.

But thats your experience and other people will have different experiences not hard to understand surely?

KarmaStar · 07/08/2021 21:04

He's fine,ignore other people,they know nothing and their opinion is based on ignorance.
He will go when he is ready.try not to worry.💐

VanGoSunflowers · 07/08/2021 21:21

I didn’t even attempt it until after my son turned 3. I (rightly or wrongly) believed that if I left it later he would ‘get’ it quicker.
No idea if it made a difference but it took him about a week if that. Only had a handful of accidents in nearly a year.

BizzyIzzyfruitpie · 07/08/2021 21:36

Your HV is an idiot. I didn’t toilet train either of mine. I waited until they asked. My daughter was 3 and my son 3 1/2. Both were dry and clean from day one. We never had a potty indoors, straight to the toilet.

I’d definitely wait until he’s ready. I watched my sister toilet train her eldest before he was ready. It was a nightmare. He constantly set himself and messed himself. But she wouldn’t back down and put him in pants every day. One day he literally just stopped when he was 3.

It’s the easiest thing ever when they’re ready.

VanGoSunflowers · 07/08/2021 21:39

Not saying that this is your circumstance, OP but I do wonder how many parents try to potty train too early just so they can show off about a massively unremarkable milestone to their peers.

Loads of children at my son’s nursery were going home with bags and bags of wet clothes each day when they had barely turned two. They clearly weren’t ready!

I couldn’t even tell you what age I was dry from because it doesn’t matter and has no bearing on anything.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 21:43

@VanGoSunflowers it's really odd how many people don't think it's possible to train nearer two.

Many just want their children to be independent ASAP and to keep moly costs down.

Prior to disposable nappies children were trained much earlier.

VanGoSunflowers · 07/08/2021 21:47

I’ve not doubt it’s possible to toilet train closer to two.
But if your kid is having countless accidents a day then they’re clearly not ready. And that is absolutely fine!

VanGoSunflowers · 07/08/2021 21:56

On a side note wincarwoo (and I don’t mean to derail this thread) I was reading the extending bf thread and agreed with all your points! But can’t tell you on there as the thread is full

Ahem, sorry. As you were.

Pottedpalm · 07/08/2021 21:58

x2boys
Now where did I say that I ‘didn’t understand’ that other people had different experiences? I was simply stating mine.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 21:58

@VanGoSunflowers

On a side note wincarwoo (and I don’t mean to derail this thread) I was reading the extending bf thread and agreed with all your points! But can’t tell you on there as the thread is full

Ahem, sorry. As you were.

Haha thanks @VanGoSunflowers. There were some shockers on there. I was on a long train journey so I quite enjoyed the "fight" 😄

user1471538283 · 07/08/2021 21:58

He will do it! It is about it clicking. My DS was 3 before he didnt wear a diaper. One day it clicked and that was it, clean and dry day and night.

Nursery do like children to be clean and dry in the day but there was one child that wasnt.

QueenB5 · 07/08/2021 22:00

My eldest 3 had all turned around 3 when it happened, I did try before but they weren’t ready, my youngest will be 3 in November and he is still in nappies, I expect he will be the same as the older ones. Don’t stress yourself, it will happen when they’re ready.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 22:04

I've just been prompted to read the history of potty training through the ages. It's pretty fascination. Even Freud got in on it with some "theories"

Sh05 · 07/08/2021 22:05

With my first born I was like you op, I tried to get him toilet trained before dd1 arrived when he would have been 20 months. It took ages and lots of accidents. I felt pressured into just getting him out of nappies by family.
With DD I waited till the Easter holiday a few weeks before her third birthday, it took us a week and she was dry day and night.
Don't rush, please don't feel you have to have DC dry by a certain age.

EsmeeMerlin · 07/08/2021 22:09

My youngest son has been potty training the last week and a half and he is 3 and 5 months. He just didn’t get it into this point and it’s only now he is starting school nursery next month that I pushed us to potty train. It took him a while and he hates the toilet but he has got there.

My oldest son was just under 3 and got it much quicker. All children are different and pick up things at different speeds. Don’t worry about it.

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