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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Half sibling

325 replies

Linnieloulou · 04/08/2021 11:05

I recently told my son he was only a half brother to his dad’s new child after he came home from a visit telling me about his new brother. I explained to him that as his step mother is not his mum, it makes him a half brother. My ex is now upset that I didn’t involve him in this decision as he feels I should of discussed it with him first and agreed together how he refers to his sibling. He’s 9 years old so I feel he will work out for himself he is only half brother eventually so why not make it clear now. Have I been unreasonable?

OP posts:

multiplemum3 · 04/08/2021 11:06

Well yeah, he was telling you something and you turned it into something else? For no reason?

garlictwist · 04/08/2021 11:07

I mean, it's not a secret or wrong what you have told him. It's a biological fact. I don't see the issue.

Kindleandacuppa · 04/08/2021 11:10

The term half brother is not important. Was your son excited meeting his new brother? I feel like you correcting him that it was his half brother made you sound negative. Let him be happy and excited about his brother

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/08/2021 11:10

You told him the truth, that’s what parents should do. If your ex is cross what was he going to tell him, something different?

JamieLeeBee · 04/08/2021 11:11

Yes you have. My brother is 20 years younger, has a different dad to me. Not once in my life have I ever addressed him as a 'half brother' and nor will I ever. I think its a horrible term.

As for my daughter, she has never met her siblings through her dad's side, through no fault of her own or mine. However, I would be unhappy if she ever did and referred to them as half anything. There is no need.

Soberanne · 04/08/2021 11:12

Sounds like you were trying to put a negative spin on your childs excitement. Of course he would work out but is it really that important and would you have been as quick to tell him had the brother been your child. .

honeylulu · 04/08/2021 11:12

I don't see the issue with it; it is very factual. BUT it is something a lot of people are very sensitive about. I know people whose mums had younger children with a new partner and the older children just refer to them as brothers and sisters. "Half" seems considered a bit offensive for some reason and that might be why your ex is narky. However this seems more common when the siblings are one household. The same older siblings who also have half siblings via their dad (different household) refer to those siblings as "my dad's other children". It can be a matter of perspective.

WomanStanleyWoman · 04/08/2021 11:13

You did nothing wrong. Your son doesn’t suddenly have to love the new baby less because he’s ‘only’ a half-brother.

Sometimeswinning · 04/08/2021 11:13

I'm sure he'd have learned sooner or later. Not sure why you felt the need to be fair. It sounds more like you have your own agenda. How old is your son?

SecretIdentitee · 04/08/2021 11:13

Well you presumably had time when his step mother was pregnant to broach the specifics of the half brother/brother issue. If this is his first visit to see the baby it seems a bit disingenuous to point it out at that specific time. Also it seems you maybe made 'half-brother' seem less than 'brother', as you and his Dad I assume will not be giving your DS a full sibling maybe nurturing the positive of having a sibling might be better.

WillowGrand · 04/08/2021 11:14

I think you were a bit off too, it’s such a simple biological fact of course he already knows it or will, it’s a nothing.

That child is his brother. Not “half” anything. You basically “othered” the baby and made his excitement negative.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/08/2021 11:14

That was pretty shit.

He was excited and telling you about his sibling and instead of encouraging him you have undermined the relationship with your "truth telling".

Does it really matter if he's a half brother?

LittleBitOfMayo · 04/08/2021 11:14

My older 3 siblings are my 'half' siblings and never ever have we called them half siblings.

You're nasty. And you know it. You wanted to score a cheap point and that was hurting your own sons feelings. How low can you go.

It's his brother if you like it or not.

Crabbitcrab · 04/08/2021 11:15

My sister's mum isn't my mum but we're sisters not half sisters because our parents never felt the need to be petty about it. Your son was excited about having a new younger brother

LittleBitOfMayo · 04/08/2021 11:15

Also pretty sure you wouldn't be correcting him if you had a child.

Choice4567 · 04/08/2021 11:16

I mean it does come across that you were trying to tell him his new brother is ‘only’ a half brother. He was excited to meet his new brother; why try to stop that?

Cantdoitallperfectly · 04/08/2021 11:17

I think it was the wrong time to tell him, he was excited to meet his little brother, it can be difficult enough for kids when a new baby comes along without putting negativity on it. I can see why your ex is annoyed. It's factually correct but no need to make the point just now. Be happy that he has a sibling in his life.

LittleBitOfMayo · 04/08/2021 11:17

he is only half brother

He is his brother.

PumpkinKlNG · 04/08/2021 11:19

I have half siblings (same mum different dad) and I always tell people they are half as I get really funny looks otherwise as we look very very different, not like siblings at all so I always tell people when we first meet that we don’t share the same dad, not sure why people find the term half siblings offence? Anyway in saying that I think it probably wasn’t the best time I would have probably had the conversation when the woman was pregnant

PumpkinKlNG · 04/08/2021 11:19

Offensive* should be

muddledmidget · 04/08/2021 11:20

Technically I have an ex step brother and an ex step sister after my mum's relationship with their dad broke down after over a decade. I still consider them my brother and sister.
I think you were being negative and it wasn't something that needed explaining there and then. As you say, he's 9. He would have asked questions in the future, and that's the time to explain it

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/08/2021 11:20

It’s like he was telling you about his new sibling and you snidely told him “yeah, well he’s not a real brother!” It was just unnecessary to say it at that moment. Was it at all relevant to what he was saying?

Whammyyammy · 04/08/2021 11:20

Sounds like you're not happy with ex having a new partner and child. And using your own child as a weapon

Ponoka7 · 04/08/2021 11:21

I didn't grow up in the same household as my Sister, who is biologically my half sister. I've never called or thought of her as a half sister. You've took the wind out of his sails, so well done, you. My DH'S ex was similar. I have seen more of her grandchildren than she has and my children have a good relationship with their siblings/nephews. Because parents don't get to dictate the relationships of their adult children and their attitude will often mean that they are kept in the dark and sometimes at arms length.

Bonheurdupasse · 04/08/2021 11:22

You were unreasonable, and nasty.
You definitely wouldn’t say that to him if you had a child.

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