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AIBU?

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Original poster

Half sibling

325 replies

Linnieloulou · 04/08/2021 11:05

I recently told my son he was only a half brother to his dad’s new child after he came home from a visit telling me about his new brother. I explained to him that as his step mother is not his mum, it makes him a half brother. My ex is now upset that I didn’t involve him in this decision as he feels I should of discussed it with him first and agreed together how he refers to his sibling. He’s 9 years old so I feel he will work out for himself he is only half brother eventually so why not make it clear now. Have I been unreasonable?

OP posts:
AdviceOnLife · 04/08/2021 11:22

So if you go on to have more children will you have the same attitude as they are only half siblings too?
I think it was unnecessary and cruel.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 04/08/2021 11:23

@WillowGrand

I think you were a bit off too, it’s such a simple biological fact of course he already knows it or will, it’s a nothing.

That child is his brother. Not “half” anything. You basically “othered” the baby and made his excitement negative.

💯 agree with this
SheABitSpicyToday · 04/08/2021 11:24

Sounds like pissing on his chips for no reason. Technically the baby I’m carrying will be my daughters half brother but it’s not something I would ever say. They’re brother and sister. Just like I’m “only” a half sister my siblings..

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/08/2021 11:24

@PumpkinKlNG

I have half siblings (same mum different dad) and I always tell people they are half as I get really funny looks otherwise as we look very very different, not like siblings at all so I always tell people when we first meet that we don’t share the same dad, not sure why people find the term half siblings offence? Anyway in saying that I think it probably wasn’t the best time I would have probably had the conversation when the woman was pregnant
Not sure why it upsets people either, it’s the truth. Most people I know call half siblings just that and step siblings the same.
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2021 11:25

Are you going to correct him every time he refers to the baby as his brother? I’m not sure what you’re trying to gain. I’ve no doubt he’s well aware his step mum isn’t his mum, he’s 9 and she hasn’t literally just appeared. She’s not trying to steal your crown.

My step DC know they have one dad and one mum and that DD is their sister. They don’t all share both parents but she is their sister, that’s what they’ve always called her and will continue to do so. Not because we’re trying to pretend I’m their mum Hmm but because that’s how they see her. You’d get short shrift from them if you tried to correct them with “correct” terminology.

Are you jealous your ex has had another child? It looks a lot like you’re deliberately trying to upset your son as a way of getting back at your ex for moving on.

Which is very sad for your son who’s just excited he’s got a baby brother.

KurtWilde · 04/08/2021 11:25

Completely unnecessary. Yes he'd figure it out eventually but why spoil his excitement? My DC are half siblings and never once has it been raised - they are brother and sisters, simple as that. Why does it even matter?

FreeBritnee · 04/08/2021 11:25

Was your son upset at what you said? That to me would indicate whether you fucked up or not.

HealthKick2021 · 04/08/2021 11:27

You sound bitter.

DeadSouth · 04/08/2021 11:27

I have a “half sister” and she’s 100% my sister. Your son can decide for himself what he wants to call his sibling.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/08/2021 11:27

Is this a reverse? Did you have a baby and his dad told him that your baby was only a half sibling?

cravingmilkshake · 04/08/2021 11:27

I think you have.

There are 4 of us 2 with the same dad and the other two with the same dad.... we are all brothers and sisters and would never ever refer to each other as half's . In fact it used to really upset us at schools when teachers did it just to be mean.

I think it's super heartbreaking you did this.

JillsFlapjacks · 04/08/2021 11:27

Is this a reverse?

Regardless, it's a shitty thing to do to a 9yo who is excited about their new sibling. Half doesn't mean any material difference to their future relationship.

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2021 11:27

You’ve allowed your own bitterness to sully your child’s excitement. Mean spirited and you know it.

Ozanj · 04/08/2021 11:30

This must be a reverse.

Patapouf · 04/08/2021 11:30

It's not a 'decision' it's relaying facts, did your ex plan on acting like they had the same parents?

It's obviously a sensitive issue but I think using the term 'half sibling' can be a bit confusing for a child, the new sibling isn't less of a sibling are they? I think I would have used brother/sister and then still reiterated the different mums part.

Marcee · 04/08/2021 11:31

Theres plenty of good times to broach this subject. When hes just met his brother and is excitedly telling you all about it- isnt the right time.

Maybe while she was pregnant.

Maybe before the visit. Or maybe in a few days after the visit. Not when hes just met his brother for the first time and is telling you all about it.

WhatIsThisPlease · 04/08/2021 11:32

@LittleBitOfMayo

My older 3 siblings are my 'half' siblings and never ever have we called them half siblings.

You're nasty. And you know it. You wanted to score a cheap point and that was hurting your own sons feelings. How low can you go.

It's his brother if you like it or not.

The OP isn't being nasty. She's being honest. My DP has half siblings from his Mum and Dad's side and refers to them as such.

My DC have two half siblings and refer to them as such.

The OP has correctly told her DC that this is a half sibling. What he chooses to refer to him as from now on is up to him.

Hoppinggreen · 04/08/2021 11:32

Why did you do that?
Genuine question, what was your motivation?
Sounds a bit unnecessary and spiteful

LemonFantaGin · 04/08/2021 11:33

YAB massively U, what a heartless woman to destroy a 9yo like that!

My children have different dads, I don't go around telling them they are half brothers, they are brothers regardless, you took your jealousy and unhealthy thoughts and projected them onto your child.

Chattydoll · 04/08/2021 11:34

I have 3 siblings via different parents, I refuse to call them half siblings, it just doesn’t feel nice to think of them that way. I would be annoyed as your ex too.

WomanStanleyWoman · 04/08/2021 11:34

‘Destroy’ a 9 year-old… someone’s really dialling up the drama.

roxyk0303 · 04/08/2021 11:34

What were you hoping to achieve by telling him that? I agree with the majority, it was a pretty shitty thing to do.

There are no half siblings in this house, they are sisters and that's that. The new baby is still biologically your sons brother through his dad

rogueone · 04/08/2021 11:34

what nasty and unecessary thing to say to your son. You were clearly unhappy at his excitement over his sibling and wanted to take the shine off. I have half sisters from both my dad and mum, i dont refer to them as half as their my siblings.

Tomtomsokillis · 04/08/2021 11:35

My sm did this when my step sibling was 3, kept on repeating it over and over until it was etched in his mind I wasn't a proper sibling. I saw this as a way to make sure I'm not treated as such and resented her. We ended up great siblings but sm was never happy that we were close. You should ask yourself what's the reason you want to make distinction between "real" and "half".

Ughmaybenot · 04/08/2021 11:36

Oh, ‘only’ a half brother… nice.
He is excited about his brother so there is absolutely no need for you to stamp on that by othering the new baby. ‘Only’ a half brother indeed.