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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to tell my friend her house smells?

311 replies

Dogproblems14 · 03/08/2021 16:13

NC as outing.

I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for over 3 years. We are in our 30’s. She is a lovely person and I love spending time with her and her company. My friend recently moved out of her parents home and into her own one bed flat. This issue is, she has two big dogs living in the flat with her. I don’t necessarily agree with dogs in flats but, it’s her life and each to their own- but the smell is atrocious.

I’ve been to her flat twice, and it smells very heavy of dog with hair everywhere- it's a very strong smell. One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before! Another issue is that when I’m there she lets the dogs lick the leftovers directly off the plate, and sometimes tea out of her mug! she doesn’t have a dishwasher and I just think it’s so gross to watch her dogs eat off a plate that then I have too.

She’s invited me round for dinner and a sort of wine night, and to stay over on Friday and I’m dreading it. The dogs are her babies, and I do think if I mention anything she will be highly offended- she’s quite a sensitive person. She has no mental health issues, and is actually a very clean and immaculate person in herself which makes this situation stranger. I’ve suggested her coming to mine instead, but as she lives in a city centre and there’s more to do it makes more sense to eat/drink there. It would be a very expensive taxi home to mine which also wouldn't make sense to her.

How can I go there, and not be grossed out by the thought of eating/sleeping there? ☹ I feel like a horrible awful friend.

Also sorry to any dog lovers I may have offended!

OP posts:
TheQueef · 03/08/2021 16:15

Good luck with that.

Meraas · 03/08/2021 16:15

YANBU, could you say that you’re very sensitive to the smell of dogs and would prefer to meet elsewhere?

kazillionaire · 03/08/2021 16:17

Sudden dog allergy?

the80sweregreat · 03/08/2021 16:18

Say you have an allergy to dog hair and stay in a hotel instead.

Hemingwaycat · 03/08/2021 16:19

I think people acclimatise to the natural scent of their home so they don’t realise if it’s rancid. I had a friend as a teen who had at least 10 cats and 2 big dogs so her house stunk of cat piss, it hit you as soon as you walked through the door. I don’t think she noticed because she was so used to it but everyone else did and it was grim for us.

I’m not sure you can be totally honest and keep the friendship, she probably loves her dogs and will take it as a personal attack. I’d say you think you’re allergic to them or something to get out of it.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2021 16:19

I wouldn't set foot in her flat. Those conditions are completely unacceptable.

savagebaggagemaster · 03/08/2021 16:19

Dog allergy - it's the only way

girl71 · 03/08/2021 16:20

Could you say you are allergic to dogs and you had a reaction when you were last there ? I am allergic but can manage around dogs but, have used this as a reason before. Everyone i know with a dog has a smelly house but they cannot smell it. It's the hair everywhere too!! Even the tea smells of dog and has hairs in it. Minging!

badatcrochet1996 · 03/08/2021 16:21

You simply can't go, that's absolutely disgusting.

Make an excuse and never agree to go there again. Why did you even say yes?

RickJames · 03/08/2021 16:21

YANBU

I don't know what you should do/ say though. I couldn't bear it, I'd feel so itchy and yucky in a really doggy house. I'm a dog owner but we have tiled floors and no carpets so I can sluice the place out regularly.

This is a tough one!

Original poster
Dogproblems14 · 03/08/2021 16:21

Would love to say Dog allergy but I actually have my own dog same breed as hers :( though in a house, with its own dedicated space, and definitely no tea drinking!

OP posts:
tenredthings · 03/08/2021 16:22

Say you have an allergy and meet up in the day and go for a picnic in a park. The dogs can come too Grin

Meraas · 03/08/2021 16:24

I would say you’re sensitive to the smell of dogs and that’s why you keep them in a separate place at home.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2021 16:24

You have standards, op, how can you lower them so dramatically? Either make an excuse or tell her the truth, but don't go there.

lancaster · 03/08/2021 16:24

So her flat smells of dog and she lets her dog eat leftovers. Not really seeing the major issue here.

icedcoffees · 03/08/2021 16:24

Just say you need to stay at home to sort your own dog out, so it makes more sense to just go out in the city and go home separately.

Quirrelsotherface · 03/08/2021 16:27

Oh god that is absolutely rank, all of it. I couldn't stay there and would make up an excuse to stay in a hotel and eat out. If that's not possible then I honestly just wouldn't go. Why do people even contemplate putting themselves through god awful experiences? Honestly life is too short.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 03/08/2021 16:29

This is so tough. I really could not cope with this but she is likely to be offended if you're honest. Can you say you have a slight allergy and that is why your dog has a designated space at home away from your personal stuff and your allergy flared up last time you were over at hers since both dogs have access to the whole flat (or something to this effect)?

Sssloou · 03/08/2021 16:30

You have to go with the truth.

Say it once diplomatically.

What do you mean by “sensitive”? Can you give any examples of her “sensitive” behaviours?

People who are “sensitive” are often actually quite controlling - they use the threat of volatility, flouncing, tears and snivels to keep you where they want you.

If a good friend or yours gave you this info - how would you react? Most people would be mortified and would do anything to make their friend comfortable. They wouldn’t “kick off”, sulk, snap or use any other emotionally manipulative behaviours.

Just tell her how it impacts you.

Her response will tell you how much of a friend she is.

imamearcat · 03/08/2021 16:32

Off topic but I think she sounds a nicer dog owner that you with your dog 'in its own designated space'.

sillysmiles · 03/08/2021 16:33

If she has only moved in recently can you start a conversation asking how she's finding it? And how she's finding managing 2 dogs in a small space? And how she's finding the smell of the dogs. You should be able to manage to come at it from the point of view of I have one of these dogs and here's what I found worked for us.

Order takeaway you can eat from the carton and bottles or cans!

NeedNewKnees · 03/08/2021 16:34

If it helps, I am allergic to other people's cats but I am acclimatised to my own, OP.

"I seem to react to dogs other than mine at the moment, so let's meet somewhere out instead."

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 03/08/2021 16:37

@imamearcat

Off topic but I think she sounds a nicer dog owner that you with your dog 'in its own designated space'.
Well presumably the OP just means that her dog isn't allowed free run of her house like her friends dogs appear to, I mean ffs the friend didn't wash her bedding when the dogs got blood on it. That's truly disgusting.
girl71 · 03/08/2021 16:37

Crikey Op, yes, just say you have no one to tend to your own dog.

"So her flat smells of dog and she lets her dog eat leftovers. Not really seeing the major issue here".

The major issue will probably become apparent when she tries to sell her dog aroma flat or makes someone ill from a poorly washed plate.

"Off topic but I think she sounds a nicer dog owner that you with your dog 'in its own designated space'".

I like the OP more as she doesn't have dog heat juice all over her bedding nor is she cramming 2 big dogs into a small flat.

Original poster
Dogproblems14 · 03/08/2021 16:37

@imamearcat

Off topic but I think she sounds a nicer dog owner that you with your dog 'in its own designated space'.
@imamearcat

My dog is 13 years old, so very old- and has his own little room which has his bed, toys, food and mostly peace and quiet in his old age.

Not sure how you came to the conclusion you did.

OP posts: