To ask how to tell my friend her house smells?

[Dogproblems14]

NC as outing.

I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for over 3 years. We are in our 30’s. She is a lovely person and I love spending time with her and her company. My friend recently moved out of her parents home and into her own one bed flat. This issue is, she has two big dogs living in the flat with her. I don’t necessarily agree with dogs in flats but, it’s her life and each to their own- but the smell is atrocious.

I’ve been to her flat twice, and it smells very heavy of dog with hair everywhere- it's a very strong smell. One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before! Another issue is that when I’m there she lets the dogs lick the leftovers directly off the plate, and sometimes tea out of her mug! she doesn’t have a dishwasher and I just think it’s so gross to watch her dogs eat off a plate that then I have too.

She’s invited me round for dinner and a sort of wine night, and to stay over on Friday and I’m dreading it. The dogs are her babies, and I do think if I mention anything she will be highly offended- she’s quite a sensitive person. She has no mental health issues, and is actually a very clean and immaculate person in herself which makes this situation stranger. I’ve suggested her coming to mine instead, but as she lives in a city centre and there’s more to do it makes more sense to eat/drink there. It would be a very expensive taxi home to mine which also wouldn't make sense to her.

How can I go there, and not be grossed out by the thought of eating/sleeping there? ☹ I feel like a horrible awful friend.

Also sorry to any dog lovers I may have offended!

No way you can say anything diplomatically unfortunately. Well, I'll rephrase that ...you can say it as diplomatically as you like, but it won't be well received.
Meet up outside the house instead?

I don't see how telling her this is ever going to end well tbh

I really feel for you OP. I have similar with MIL living in a dangerous unsanitary house. Covid has been a great excuse for not going inside or eating there but I’m not sure how much longer I can make excuses for.

I wish she had a dog so I could blame allergies! I guess that won’t work for you either if you have your own dog.

I strongly suspect that your 'friend' is actually my MIL!!!! Her dogs sleep in a spare room, but its also the same room we are given if staying over. The smell is overpowering and revolting! Paw prints, hairs and also blood stains on and in the bed! She cannot smell it though

Last time, I paid for a take-away. We'd normally eat any leftovers the following day, but MIL put all the plates on the floor, including the un-eaten open containers for the dogs to finish!!!

I mentioned the stench (as tactfully as I could) and to my surprise, she washes the dogs more often, airs the room and uses a fragrance thing in there.

Could you take a fragrant reed diffuser as a present?

Maybe you need to self isolate over the weekend or are feeling nervous about Covid so would rather meet up outside?

Difficult, you don't have a right to police her standards, but I feel for you.

As you also have same kind of dog, only thing I can think of is to talk to her about 'allergy' to build up of dander when there's too much hair etc? Ie; it triggers at a certain point, and this is that point? It's kind of true, just not a physical allergy.

The bedding issue is just totally gross and not a kindness to the dog either, blood puss etc attracts all sorts of things to their bedding area. I'd say something about that for the dogs sake.

There's actually nothing wrong with a dog eating from a human plate if the plate is properly cleaned afterwards. By properly cleaned I mean boiling water and disinfectant, but I suspect that's not the case here.

If you feel you have to stay take your own duvet/pillow cover and sheet might make it less unpleasant.

@girl71

Crikey Op, yes, just say you have no one to tend to your own dog.

"So her flat smells of dog and she lets her dog eat leftovers. Not really seeing the major issue here".

The major issue will probably become apparent when she tries to sell her dog aroma flat or makes someone ill from a poorly washed plate.

"Off topic but I think she sounds a nicer dog owner that you with your dog 'in its own designated space'".

I like the OP more as she doesn't have dog heat juice all over her bedding nor is she cramming 2 big dogs into a small flat.

No one will get ill from a “poorly washed plate”that a dog licked FFS. However, I agree with you on everything else.

I’m a dog owner and yes, it smells more ‘doggy’ in the rooms where he is most, but we clean and air them (and him and his bedding) regularly. I’m surprised she’s even allowed them in a flat; most have clauses in the lease forbidding pets.

OP, either stay at a hotel and say you’d prefer your own space or tell her the truth; the dogs being allowed everywhere makes you uncomfortable and you’d rather not stay.

Mad thought, but tell her your dog's got fleas/ something and you don't want to infest hers?

I thin k you have to tell a whopping slander about your own dog and have a conversation about dog pongs that starts

    "  God, are you as sick of dog pong as I am?  I am just at my wits end with Rover 's farting and bad breath, I can smell  DOG all through  my house and the other |day even  MIL remarked on it..  .."

I honestly couldn’t eat in that kind of environment. I’m really weird about things like that. If I think the floor is dirty, even if I’m eating at the table, I’d rather go outside and eat than sit there.

I don’t know what you should do. I’d probably sleep there but not eat there.

Could you not tell her that you would find it very cramped being in the flat for too long because its so small and the dogs are so large? You don't need to mention the smell at all

*No one will get ill from a “poorly washed plate”that a dog licked FFS. However, I agree with you on everything else.
*
I thought the same, probably won't get I'll. Still signifies laziness to not just scrape the food off and onto the dog bowl and indicates hygiene might be slacking elsewhere. Plus, poorly washed plates are just grim in general

Give her the name of a nearby dog parlour and let her know most dogs go there once a month ,every 6 weeks for bath, shampoo, trim, nail clip, teeth clean etc. and they usually love it. You could buy her gift voucher for that to start her off.

I honestly do not know how she can be described as a clean person if she sleeps on filthy, smelly sheets.

It all sounds revolting and i just couldn't do it.

If your friendship doesn't survive, so be it.
It can't last if she chooses to live in such filth.

If you're a grown up you need to just come out and tell her as sensitively and diplomatically you don't want to stay and why. If you're a teenager make up some excuse like having to SI or an allergy.

Say you really value your friendship and you are trying to be kind, but you personally find the smell of her dogs overwhelming, and the rest.

Then say you'd love to meet, just not at her house.

She may sort out the issue in the future, or continue with doggy stink, but either way you need to tell her the issue.

Sleep problems. You wake a million times in the night and need to go to a hotel.

Could you buy her a scented candle? I got given a Sand and Paws candle for Christmas that is specifically aimed at getting rid of dog smells.

I wasn't offended but the person that gave it to me has never been in my house...

I always open these threads with a sinking feeling the OP is someone I know.

We don't allow the dogs upstairs. This is partly so we'll always have a dog-hair free room to offer guests, and partly so the difference between upstairs and downstairs stops me getting totally nose-blind.

This is maybe one of those situations where you have to decide if the price of not having an awkward conversation is £TaxiFare, and then claim to have an unbreakable next-morning appt that you have to get back for.

A scented candle? Sounds like 200 would be needed.
I wouldn't be able to go in. The smell would be on me and my clothes too, if I did. Yuk

Absolutely disgusting!

@DrManhattan

A scented candle? Sounds like 200 would be needed. I wouldn't be able to go in. The smell would be on me and my clothes too, if I did. Yuk

🤣🤣🤣

I have 2 small dogs and I hope my house doesn't smell. They do go to the dog groomers every 2 months and their bedding is washed regularly. OP this would make me feel sick, I hate that 'doggy smell', and why would anyone let dogs eat off their plates. That's like putting your dinner in the dog's food bowl and eating it. Just gross!

I would suggest a takeaway that you can eat without plates, cans or bottled drinks and make an excuse as to why you can't sleep over.

@lancaster

So her flat smells of dog and she lets her dog eat leftovers. Not really seeing the major issue here.

Yeh, leaving dog period blood over bedding for weeks on end is totally normal.

Urgh we have this problem with our friends. They have a very small new build house that is insulated to the MAX. In the summer it is boiling and their dog really smells. They never wash it or walk it so it's in the house 24/7 stinking (it's really cruel and we have been very torn what to say to them as it's a young dog and probably gets an hour a walk a week most). Anyway in the last heatwave we actually had to make our excuses and leave because the smell of the house was horrendous in the heat and its a hotter than usual house due to all the insulation