To ask how to tell my friend her house smells?

[Dogproblems14]

NC as outing.

I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for over 3 years. We are in our 30’s. She is a lovely person and I love spending time with her and her company. My friend recently moved out of her parents home and into her own one bed flat. This issue is, she has two big dogs living in the flat with her. I don’t necessarily agree with dogs in flats but, it’s her life and each to their own- but the smell is atrocious.

I’ve been to her flat twice, and it smells very heavy of dog with hair everywhere- it's a very strong smell. One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before! Another issue is that when I’m there she lets the dogs lick the leftovers directly off the plate, and sometimes tea out of her mug! she doesn’t have a dishwasher and I just think it’s so gross to watch her dogs eat off a plate that then I have too.

She’s invited me round for dinner and a sort of wine night, and to stay over on Friday and I’m dreading it. The dogs are her babies, and I do think if I mention anything she will be highly offended- she’s quite a sensitive person. She has no mental health issues, and is actually a very clean and immaculate person in herself which makes this situation stranger. I’ve suggested her coming to mine instead, but as she lives in a city centre and there’s more to do it makes more sense to eat/drink there. It would be a very expensive taxi home to mine which also wouldn't make sense to her.

How can I go there, and not be grossed out by the thought of eating/sleeping there? ☹ I feel like a horrible awful friend.

Also sorry to any dog lovers I may have offended!

I agree @Hertsgirl10. Some dog owners really seem to lack social awareness when it comes to their dogs being around other people.

Lots of our friends have dogs and don't live like this.

• I really like her as person and she’s kind and nice, she’s well kept in herself nice nails, perfume etc so cannot see how she can be so nose blind.

I do think if I say anything it’ll be the end of the friendship but I cannot bear to be there for more than 20 minutes max. I’ve suggested meeting at the pub instead so hopefully it’ll be the option!

Whoops accidentally hit load when was trying to copy
I really like her as person and she’s kind and nice, she’s well kept in herself nice nails, perfume etc so cannot see how she can be so nose blind..... I do think if I say anything it’ll be the end of the friendship but I cannot bear to be there for more than 20 minutes max. I’ve suggested meeting at the pub instead so hopefully it’ll be the option!

Because of this I wouldn't say anything. I would steadfastly arrange to meet elsewhere every time and not go to her flat . Even when she suggests it, I would reply 'let's meet at x place, I'll see you there at 8'

Why do cat owners leave the litter tray indoors usually the kitchen were food is prepared.
I'd leave it out the back under a parasol.
The trays stink

As a cat owner (I have 3), I agree with you. Our cats’ litter trays are in the utility room and the conservatory. They very rarely use them as they go outdoors but they do occasionally when it’s raining.

Re dogs, I don’t have one as I don’t want the commitment involved, and anyway my DH is allergic. I don’t find that all dogs necessarily have a strong smell (some do), but my DH always notices a dog smell. So maybe those saying that all dogs smell have a mild allergy?

You seem to have found a good solution, OP. Since she’s a good friend, it’s definitely not worth falling out with her about.

YANBU. I love dogs, but what she’s doing is unhygienic and disgusting.

Not changing the bedding?! WTF? Why hasn’t the dog been spayed anyway?

I would not eat a meal there, and I’d have to be honest if she pressed you to eat there. Sharing crockery with dogs is dangerous for your health, especially with no dishwasher.

Ask her to meet you at a bar for wine then go on to a restaurant. Pick somewhere reasonable and offer to pay.

If she asks why you’re going to have to tell her. There’s no excuse for blood stained bedding!

She may fall out with you, but it’s a risk you’ll just have to take. Do not eat there.

Whatever you say has to be enough to avoid any future dinner/lunch/sleepover invitations. I personally wouldn't go as I'd constantly be retching at the smell or other grossness. Good luck op. (Still rtft).

Can you buy one of the plug in pet odour things or a few reed diffusers; she might get the hint.
Surely she'd want to know even if she is offended? Can you blame it on the dog being in heat? Mention how much more you can smell them at that time. Or blame it on being due to the small flat. Say its hard enough to keep the odour down in a house so must be hard in a flat. Hopefully she'll get the hint. Im getting paranoid my house smells now 🤦‍♀️.

Did she have these dogs at her parents house? If so what condition were they kept in there? Was she asked to leave?

Regarding the “accidents” - unless they are puppies - this sounds like neglect, lack of training and care as no dog chooses to toilet in its own space.

She doesn’t sound very respectful and responsible to her dogs.

“I’m sorry ——- I’m a bit put off coming over due to the dog smell, hair and blood on the bedding. I think perhaps you’ve become nose blind to it I could help you?” Recommend Fairy antibacterial washing up liquid (maybe that would make you feel better about eating there). Perhaps febreze pet too. Just be honest she’s your friend and will probably be embarrassed about it and glad you told her

Send her an anonymous letter.