To ask how to tell my friend her house smells?

[Dogproblems14]

NC as outing.

I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for over 3 years. We are in our 30’s. She is a lovely person and I love spending time with her and her company. My friend recently moved out of her parents home and into her own one bed flat. This issue is, she has two big dogs living in the flat with her. I don’t necessarily agree with dogs in flats but, it’s her life and each to their own- but the smell is atrocious.

I’ve been to her flat twice, and it smells very heavy of dog with hair everywhere- it's a very strong smell. One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before! Another issue is that when I’m there she lets the dogs lick the leftovers directly off the plate, and sometimes tea out of her mug! she doesn’t have a dishwasher and I just think it’s so gross to watch her dogs eat off a plate that then I have too.

She’s invited me round for dinner and a sort of wine night, and to stay over on Friday and I’m dreading it. The dogs are her babies, and I do think if I mention anything she will be highly offended- she’s quite a sensitive person. She has no mental health issues, and is actually a very clean and immaculate person in herself which makes this situation stranger. I’ve suggested her coming to mine instead, but as she lives in a city centre and there’s more to do it makes more sense to eat/drink there. It would be a very expensive taxi home to mine which also wouldn't make sense to her.

How can I go there, and not be grossed out by the thought of eating/sleeping there? ☹ I feel like a horrible awful friend.

Also sorry to any dog lovers I may have offended!

Dogs smell,cats smell pet owners are oblivious and deny their 4 pawed pal honks
Gross that there was dog hair & blood on the bedding, eugh
She’s a minger at home and I’m not sure how that’s addressed without being really direct

If you can't walk in and lightheartedly say "Crikey! You can tell two dogs live here!" then you can't be particularly close!

In which case, I would write her a message telling her as kind as you can but do not dwell on it! Don't make it sound like a massive issue as that will make it worse

I don't think it sounds too bad tbh

It's her flat, her space, her dogs.

As long as the dogs are happy and well looked after I really don't see how it's your problem.

You sound a bit controlling, why does it bother you if her flat smells or she lets her dogs do things you aren't keen on?

As a owner of cats and a dog, the post made me feel bad, while she might be a lovely person, not washing bedding that her dog has bled over makes me want to heave! Having two big dogs in a flat isn’t the best, but it’s the hygiene or lack of it I couldn’t deal with, I would say I don’t want to leave my dog overnight so prefer to go out for something to eat and then go home afterwards, it is avoiding the issue I know, but I doubt she will change, she obviously loves her dogs and is oblivious to it all either that or turns a blind eye

@Thatsjustwhatithink
I think the op doesn't mind if her friend wants to sit in dog period blood but she doesn't..
How's that controlling?

As long as the dogs are happy and well looked after I really don't see how it's your problem.

You sound a bit controlling, why does it bother you if her flat smells or she lets her dogs do things you aren't keen on?

The OP has been invited to stay over, so yes it does bother her that the flat smells. She is wondering if there is a way to tactfully broach this with her friend so that she could potentially accept the invitation.

Just suggest meeting at a restaurant half way between your homes from now on and knock the idea of sleepovers on the head by saying you'll have to be back to tend to your own dog.

Take her a bottle of zoflora or fabric conditioner, tell her you love it as it smells so lovely and really combats the smell of dog. It’s the one you use, then give her tips about using it on light fittings in the style of mrs Hinch.

I don't think it sounds too bad tbh

😱😱

COVID. Blame COVID.
You can’t go. Shame.

Bleugh this made me feel ill. I don't have cats or dogs and can definitely agree that all owners houses smell, but what you've described is revolting. I wouldn't go. I'd feel sick eating off her plates and would feel the whole time like I needed a shower. I don't know how you get out of it though as surely if you don't tell her the truth and you make an excuse she will just rearrange?

[quote DrManhattan]@Thatsjustwhatithink
I think the op doesn't mind if her friend wants to sit in dog period blood but she doesn't..
How's that controlling?[/quote]
Because she doesn't have to go there. She's making the choice to visit her friends flat (which the OP has said is better placed in the city centre for doing stuff). However, if you choose to visit someone you don't get to dictate how they live in their own house. That's controlling.

Ref the dog heat thing. Dogs don't bleed like humans, they drop blood every so often. Yes I clean my dogs blood up immediately, otherwise they lick it up themselves. But I think the OP is exgerrating. The blood phase for dogs is usually about two weeks, and big dogs go on heat 6 months. It's not every month. The friend probably missed some blood or was waiting for the heat to finish if it's the dogs bedding.

If the OP is that worried she could just not visit during heat...i.e. once or twice in a whole year!

I am a dog owner and i cant stand dog stinking homes, my dog is washed once a week and i ensure my house is clean. My friends who dont have dogs are impressed my house isnt honking... having a dog doesnt equate to a stinking damp do stink in your home. I wouldnt be staying in someones house if it stank that bad. So if i were you it would be come to mine instead or apologies happy to come for drinks but wont be staying over as your house reeks of dog

I would seriously feel sick being exposed to that environment for so long

@Branleuse

Everyone who has dogs, house smells of dog.

Not quite - I know a family who shampoo their dog weekly (and clean their home regularly obvs), and you'd never know there was a dog living there by the smell. It makes a huge difference, I was astonished (I'm not a dog owner and have a good sense of smell).

@mynameisbrian

I am a dog owner and i cant stand dog stinking homes, my dog is washed once a week and i ensure my house is clean. My friends who dont have dogs are impressed my house isnt honking... having a dog doesnt equate to a stinking damp do stink in your home. I wouldnt be staying in someones house if it stank that bad. So if i were you it would be come to mine instead or apologies happy to come for drinks but wont be staying over as your house reeks of dog

Lol, I posted before I read this - well done anyway!

@Branleuse

Everyone who has dogs, house smells of dog.

No, they really don't.

Offer to take her out for dinner so you don’t need to eat at hers and bring canned and carton drinks so you don’t need to use her manky ones.

If the plates go in the dishwasher afterwards they'll be properly cleaned at a very high temperature. A lot of dogs will eat food off a plate or even get in the dishwasher given half a chance. You don't have to sleep in the dogs bed so I wouldn't worry about it to be honest, the smell though might be a bit tricky. Could you say you've been feeling really hot lately and would she mind if you opened the windows? I don't think there's a nice way to tell her though.

@Tal45
Her friend does NOT have a dishwasher. The dogs lick the plates
Her friend has dubious standards regard the dog’s hygiene

I had a friend like this and I just told her straight out that her house stunk really bad. When people live in that kind of smell they stop noticing it.
Anyway my friend thanked me and made a huge effort to resolve the situation. Thankfully his house no longer stinks. Be brave OP

Everyone who has a dog has a dog smelly house. That’s a fact
They try mask it, spray,plug ins,zoflora all mask but don’t remove
However some dog owners will vehemently protest no dog smell in their house. They are wrong. Dog smell clings, and permeates through a home

@Muchmorethan

I would seriously feel sick being exposed to that environment for so long

Me too. I once nipped to a school Mum's house for a coffee for the first time. She bred dogs and kept them in the house. The smell was horrendous. I'm not sure how I managed the coffee but I didn't stay long.

@GrrRightBackAtYou

My SIL is often laughing at me wincing or even retching when she lets her dog lick her tongue and inside her mouth (kisses ) or when she eats (and prepares) food with dog licked, unwashed hands. Apparently "dogs mouths are sterile". Where the hell did that ridiculous misconception come from?

I thought op’s situation was bad enough

That reminds me of my late MiL. She used to say “don’t worry Dear, dogs’ mouths are sterile” as she pulled some dingleberry off her miniture long haired dachshund’s arse hair and then carried on rolling the pastry. I was (strangely) never available for meals there. She was the widow of the village GP and had run the surgery for many years. I absolutely dread to think what proportion of patients left far sicker than when they arrived. My DH (her son) used to arrive at her house spraying dettol in front of him and asking her from outside the door to “put those doubly incontinent trip hazards [dachshunds] outside and I’ll only cross the threshold when the little pellets of shit they leave behind are picked up”. She was lovely but she was no Mrs Hinch.