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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how to tell my friend her house smells?

311 replies

Dogproblems14 · 03/08/2021 16:13

NC as outing.

I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for over 3 years. We are in our 30’s. She is a lovely person and I love spending time with her and her company. My friend recently moved out of her parents home and into her own one bed flat. This issue is, she has two big dogs living in the flat with her. I don’t necessarily agree with dogs in flats but, it’s her life and each to their own- but the smell is atrocious.

I’ve been to her flat twice, and it smells very heavy of dog with hair everywhere- it's a very strong smell. One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before! Another issue is that when I’m there she lets the dogs lick the leftovers directly off the plate, and sometimes tea out of her mug! she doesn’t have a dishwasher and I just think it’s so gross to watch her dogs eat off a plate that then I have too.

She’s invited me round for dinner and a sort of wine night, and to stay over on Friday and I’m dreading it. The dogs are her babies, and I do think if I mention anything she will be highly offended- she’s quite a sensitive person. She has no mental health issues, and is actually a very clean and immaculate person in herself which makes this situation stranger. I’ve suggested her coming to mine instead, but as she lives in a city centre and there’s more to do it makes more sense to eat/drink there. It would be a very expensive taxi home to mine which also wouldn't make sense to her.

How can I go there, and not be grossed out by the thought of eating/sleeping there? ☹ I feel like a horrible awful friend.

Also sorry to any dog lovers I may have offended!

OP posts:
Clymene · 03/08/2021 19:37

@EspressoDoubleShot

Everyone who has a dog has a dog smelly house. That’s a fact They try mask it, spray,plug ins,zoflora all mask but don’t remove However some dog owners will vehemently protest no dog smell in their house. They are wrong. Dog smell clings, and permeates through a home
Not true. I have some friends with dogs whose houses don't smell remotely doggy. I do think it's about size/floof though. The bigger the dog/floof, the doggier it smells
DoYouLikeOwls · 03/08/2021 19:39

I don't agree that everyone who has dogs houses stink. Especially if you don't have carpets.

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/08/2021 19:39

Of course someone always protest no, no dog smell here. Maybe you’re used to it. There is always a dog smell where dogs live. Of course there is they swear,drool,shed doggy detritus

fairytwinkletastic · 03/08/2021 19:39

Wax melts do wonders. Buy her a gift set for her birthday with a nice burner.

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/08/2021 19:41

Wax melts.plug ins,aromatherapy diffusers all mask and reduce smell but don’t eliminate dog odour

girl71 · 03/08/2021 19:47

"@ChrissyPlummer No one will get ill from a “poorly washed plate”that a dog licked".

I would be interested to see how many people , including pregnant women, would be willing to test that theory. Personally, i will pass.

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/08/2021 19:50

Dogs mouths are sterile.yes on a par with a bubbling freshwater stream

TikTakTwo · 03/08/2021 19:52

One of the dogs has also been on heat and last time she hadn’t washed her bedding despite it having blood on and the dog being on heat weeks before!

How do you know this? Did she tell you or did you just see the stains? If it's the latter then I would just assume that she'd washed the sheets but hadn't been able to get the stains out. I have bedsheets that have permanent period blood stains on them, but they are clean!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 03/08/2021 19:52

So was the dog blood on the dogs bed or on your friends bed? It's not clear.

Also, I wouldn't mess around, i'd just tell her straight. A previous poster had a very good point about "sensitive" people really just being controlling.

girl71 · 03/08/2021 19:54

"@DoYouLikeOwls I don't agree that everyone who has dogs houses stink. Especially if you don't have carpets".

They do, its in the fabric of the furniture, the wooden/tiled flooring/grout, the Op's clothes, the families bedding. Its everywhere. My friend had dogs and used to come to mine ( i did not want to go to hers) and her clothes and handbag even stank of dog, it permeated my own house. Its awful if you are not a dog person.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 03/08/2021 19:56

What about something like...
"Jesus! Where's Pinky Ponk when you need him?"

billy1966 · 03/08/2021 19:57

The idea of using candles to mask the smell is even worse.

I have been in the houses of several dog owners without having any issue whatsoever.

But they have clean houses, their dogs are washed regularly because they don't smell either.

Dirty, damp dog is an awful smell though and all soft furnishings will just absorb it so there isn't any getting rid of it.

Dirty dog = stinky house.

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/08/2021 19:58

[quote girl71]"@DoYouLikeOwls I don't agree that everyone who has dogs houses stink. Especially if you don't have carpets".

They do, its in the fabric of the furniture, the wooden/tiled flooring/grout, the Op's clothes, the families bedding. Its everywhere. My friend had dogs and used to come to mine ( i did not want to go to hers) and her clothes and handbag even stank of dog, it permeated my own house. Its awful if you are not a dog person. [/quote]
Yup
Dogs sweat,drool,shed hair daily,hourly the smell is pervasive. It clings to hard and soft surfaces. Gets on clothes,hair,accessories, scarves,tiles,walls,radiator they brush against

WildFlowerBees · 03/08/2021 20:00

I love dogs but some of them really smell, a friend of mine has 2 large dogs. Her house smells so badly I never go there. Often when we've met up her clothes smell really strongly too. Makes me feel ill.

Lavender24 · 03/08/2021 20:03

I wouldn't tell her that her place smells, but I would be honest with her that you find it gross that they eat off the plates and explain that's why you feel uncomfortable with the food and wine night.

HasaDigaEebowai · 03/08/2021 20:04

I don’t think everyone with a dog has a house that “stinks” but you can tell a dog lives there.

Now that we have a dog, I don’t notice it as much in other peoples homes

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 03/08/2021 20:04

I'm not a dog person and also hate the smell of dog, however for a good friend I would just put up with it.

If you said something then could she realistically do anything about the smell? Other than a febreeze plugin, probably not, right?

Also I don't think animals are inherently less hygienic than humans. Yes dogs lick their bums, but I've seen men stick their hand down their trousers and then not wash their hands before they eat!

Lavender24 · 03/08/2021 20:06

@billy1966

The idea of using candles to mask the smell is even worse.

I have been in the houses of several dog owners without having any issue whatsoever.

But they have clean houses, their dogs are washed regularly because they don't smell either.

Dirty, damp dog is an awful smell though and all soft furnishings will just absorb it so there isn't any getting rid of it.

Dirty dog = stinky house.

I agree. I have 2 long haired toy dogs who are washed every week, as is their bedding and I know my family would tell me if me or my house smelled. I have been to dog owner's houses that smelled rancid though because they don't bathe the animals regularly.
girl71 · 03/08/2021 20:12

Dog hair gets everywhere . I have recounted this story many times but , yrs ago ( 2003) we had a Macmillan coffee morning at work. We all brought in cakes to sell slices , to raise money for charity. We all paid our money and tucked in to each others bakes..... we all found dog hairs in the one particular coffee and walnut. Literally, frosting clinging onto hairs in a Italian stringy cheese type fashion . The only cake from a dog owner colleague. I had to withdraw the cake on H&S grounds and the baker understood why when, i showed them the hairs in their cake.

Some people are oblivious to dog stench, some are oblivious to hygiene and some like their cake with animal hairs. This was in 2003 and i have never eaten a colleagues bake since.

Violinist64 · 03/08/2021 20:14

@lancaster

So her flat smells of dog and she lets her dog eat leftovers. Not really seeing the major issue here.
I have a small dog and have air fresheners and give him monthly baths to mitigate his odour. All dogs smell but larger breeds can be really overpowering and most of us do not like the smell. I allow my dog leftovers as a treat but in his bowl. The thought of dogs eating from the same plates as humans turns my stomach.
DoYouLikeOwls · 03/08/2021 20:23

@girl71

Dog hair gets everywhere . I have recounted this story many times but , yrs ago ( 2003) we had a Macmillan coffee morning at work. We all brought in cakes to sell slices , to raise money for charity. We all paid our money and tucked in to each others bakes..... we all found dog hairs in the one particular coffee and walnut. Literally, frosting clinging onto hairs in a Italian stringy cheese type fashion . The only cake from a dog owner colleague. I had to withdraw the cake on H&S grounds and the baker understood why when, i showed them the hairs in their cake.

Some people are oblivious to dog stench, some are oblivious to hygiene and some like their cake with animal hairs. This was in 2003 and i have never eaten a colleagues bake since.

Well that sounds pretty horrendous.

I've seen many threads where people argue for hours about dogs and smells. I still don't think everyone's houses stink if they have a dog.

If I was OP though I wouldn't be able to go over if I felt like that. I heaved walking into the school Mum's house and had to leave quickly. I am pretty pathetic when it comes to smells.

girl71 · 03/08/2021 20:25

"@TikTakTwo
How do you know this? Did she tell you or did you just see the stains? If it's the latter then I would just assume that she'd washed the sheets but hadn't been able to get the stains out. I have bedsheets that have permanent period blood stains on them, but they are clean!"

They may be cleaned but they are still stained. If you wash the blood stained bedding at 95 degrees that should remove staining. If not, put through machine at 95 again. If needed, take time to scrub stains out by hand , before putting in hot wash. I have history of heavy periods and staining and have no staining on my bedding at all.

girl71 · 03/08/2021 20:38

"@DoYouLikeOwls I've seen many threads where people argue for hours about dogs and smells. I still don't think everyone's houses stink if they have a dog".

They really do , the owners have just gone doggy nose blind. With the best will in the world, doggies smell and make their parents homes smell. It's just nature and modern homes. Surfaces and materials were never designed to house what are effectively wild animals. We have domesticated pack animals and expect them to live in our homes, scent free. That is not realistic. You have a dog, your hse will smell , end of. No matter how you clean, your hse will smell as you are housing an animal at the end of the day.

SpacePug · 03/08/2021 20:47

Get her a wax melt burner with some
wax melts just say it's a little house warming gift, make it about yourself a little such as " I know how smelly this breed of dog can be when cooped up indoors and I'd hate for any of my visitors to think my house smells of dog so I always have one of these on, what do you do you try and stop the dog smell? Have you tried wax melter and xyz? I end up mopping the laminate and hoovering upstairs every night just to keep on top of the dog hairs it's awful isn't it having hair everywhere? I never let the dog in the bedroom for that reason, I can't bare dog hairs on the bed or a smelly bedroom"

Just kind of projecting your thoughts in an indirect way, popping ideas in her head

Thatsjustwhatithink · 03/08/2021 20:49

[quote girl71]"@TikTakTwo
How do you know this? Did she tell you or did you just see the stains? If it's the latter then I would just assume that she'd washed the sheets but hadn't been able to get the stains out. I have bedsheets that have permanent period blood stains on them, but they are clean!"

They may be cleaned but they are still stained. If you wash the blood stained bedding at 95 degrees that should remove staining. If not, put through machine at 95 again. If needed, take time to scrub stains out by hand , before putting in hot wash. I have history of heavy periods and staining and have no staining on my bedding at all. [/quote]
You should never wash blood out on a hot wash. It fixes the proteins. You should always wash blood out in cold water. Once blood is set in a fabric, it won't come out unless bleached...which obviously is a terrible idea on anything that isn't white.

So entirely possible that you can wash a sheet on a boiling wasj multiple times and the blood won't go.