There are tonnes of us in between, unsure, uncertain, afraid of what will happen if we do, afraid of what will happen if we don't. It is rarely based upon cars, holidays abroad, having a lie or who will join us for Sunday lunch when we are old.
Yes, I think that's the key point that gets too often overlooked. Some people have utterly wanted children for as long as they can remember. Some people have known for as long as they can remember that they don't want children with a similar clarity and conviction. But for quite a lot of other people, it's a difficult and fraught decision, something to be pondered and worried about for quite some time, and not a straightforward yes/no.
And not often the kind of patronising bollocks women without children still too often get 'Oh, you'll change your mind when you're older!' as if broodiness hits all thirtysomething women alike like a tidal wave but a genuinely major life decision about what you want that life to be like, where you have to weigh up pros and cons about something that, by its nature, you can't experience until or unless you do it.
And I also get cross with the frequent riposte on here to posts about trying to decide whether or not to have a child that if you're ambivalent, you shouldn't bother, with the implication that if you have to give it any thought, parenthood is not for you.
It's a huge life decision -- it's hardly surprising that it's not a straightforward yes or no for many people, and it's certainly not any indication that if you haven't had ovaries screaming out for babies since puberty you shouldn't have a child.
What I tend to say on threads from people trying to make up their minds is that I don't recognise anything from a lot of the threads about motherhood on here, because I'm an individual who is mother to her own individual child in her own individual circumstances. There's no standard experience of parenthood. You will do it your own way, and if remaining at the top of your field in work/continuing to run marathons/going to festivals/needing time alone/travelling/living a life not exclusively defined by motherhood in whatever way is important to you, you will find a way to make it work. It is in most cases very possible to combine ordinary parenthood with other stuff.