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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this just so bloody rude

238 replies

bagpuss90 · 03/08/2021 07:48

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 04/08/2021 17:41

It is rude and disappointing that these teens have not been brought up to honour their commitments. I would let parents know their absence cost £140. Do you have any other teens who might like to bring a friend? Colleagues? Neighbours?

LouH1981 · 04/08/2021 17:50

I would insist that they pay for the meals. It’s very rude and inconsiderate.

Helenluvsrob · 04/08/2021 17:53

I wouldn’t mind been a late addition to a wedding.
Easy to say a couple of people can’t come now - the guest will assume they are ill / isolating.

Cindefuckingrella · 04/08/2021 18:06

Can I come with my 10 yr old who is absolutely desperate to go to a wedding? Wink. But in all seriousness, I was a last minute guest at a wedding quite a few years ago now, but I was honoured to be asked.

Bear65 · 04/08/2021 18:08

We had this problem at both my sister and my wedding. I invited my sister's friends as replacements at my wedding (was honest with them, and they were brilliant and said they had a good time!), and at my sister's wedding, she asked her brother-in-laws to invite friends, and again, it worked out well!

PilotRochester · 04/08/2021 18:12

Oh wow! I could have written this 15 years ago. We didn’t have any children at our wedding. Mainly as we were v young, no friends had kids, no young family members etc. A cousin of MIL made a massive fuss saying her kids couldn’t stay at home and must be invited. (Aged 13, 16, 19) it caused a stink and in the end I agreed. £80 per head, non of the boys turned up!! Didn’t even give us notice of this. When asked the Mother said “oh they decided they’d probably be bored” I was fuming!

Carpedimum · 04/08/2021 18:18

It’s ungracious, I’d feel very let down. On the bright side, as others have said, you’ll find guests who are up for it and feel honoured to be asked, even if last minute. You could even white lie & say the venue is letting you have more guests now the rules have changed. I hope you have a lovely day.

KatyS36 · 04/08/2021 18:24

In case its helpful. I got a last minute 'upgrade' as a wedding guest once under similar circumstances and I was delighted. We're a large family, and I didn't feel snubbed that I didn't make the cut for the reception and only had an invite to the evening event - weddings are expensive and you can't invite everyone. I had a fab time :)

AbsolutelyPatsy · 04/08/2021 18:33

i guess they didnt think it was rude, they didnt realise the consequences of their actions.

sadperson16 · 04/08/2021 18:36

Its rude, there are a lot of entitled, rude people about.
Try to put it behind you and enjoy the event.

Ddot · 04/08/2021 18:36

I'm always the single one at the do, would really appreciate a plus two maybe a couple of mates. U must have someone coming who's mate would like a free night

Carlosi456 · 04/08/2021 18:36

Not rude. Teenagers can be moody and impulsive. If you make them go somewhere they don't want to be EVERYBODY will have an unpleasant time. I bet the parents feel not good about it too and didn't have much notice from the teens. Should've just invited the adults. Enjoy your pricey wedding.

Congressdingo · 04/08/2021 18:38

@SquirryTheSquirrel

Ask your daughter/future SIL if there's anyone they could ask at the last minute? Perhaps work friends - send an email round explaining the situation and asking if anyone fancies coming? Or neighbours?
Dont do this. I would hate to get an email like this. Might as well just say well we didnt invite you originally for reasons, but now we will lose £140 you may as well come. I probably wouldnt be polite in my reply.
scaffoldingtheworld · 04/08/2021 18:40

Congressdingo

The flip side of that is, while I agree with what you are saying, we’ve been stuck inside for 16 months, DH and I would jump at the chance of a lovely day at a wedding.

senoritarita · 04/08/2021 18:41

I'd be bloody furious

But honestly, it's fine to invite people at short notice! Go for it

newnortherner111 · 04/08/2021 18:41

Whilst £70 per head sounds expensive, the parents should stump up the cost if the venue won't reduce their charge. I cannot imagine the responses would have been any different if months ago or on the day wedding number restrictions were lifted, the DC had been asked then.

I hope the parents 'just don't fancy it' when the DC want something.

BoredZelda · 04/08/2021 18:47

I’m surprised people are charged for no shows. Our agreement was, there are an intended number of guests, and on the day they counted the number who turned up and were fed and that was our final bill.

SpeakingFranglais · 04/08/2021 18:52

Shitty behaviour and tbf, I blame the parents as much as the kids. It’s up to them to offer the option of coming to the teens at invitation stage, if mine had said yeh we’ll come, they damn well would. If they had said nah don’t fancy it, and changed their minds, unlucky.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 04/08/2021 18:53

I would hate to get an email like this. Might as well just say well we didnt invite you originally for reasons, but now we will lose £140 you may as well come. I probably wouldnt be polite in my reply.

They aren't going to lose £140. The £140 is a sunk cost. All they would be saying is, £140 worth of food and entertainment is going spare, would anyone like to take advantage of it?

Anyone who took offence at that would be over-sensitive in my opinion.

Hoolahoophop · 04/08/2021 18:59

Some people would not mind being last minute guest. Partner and I were some time ago. I was a bridesmaids sister not core friend group but friendly with lots of guests they asked if we fancied going as they had drop outs and knew we wouldn't be to proud or offended to fill the spaces. We had a fantastic time. The bride / groom /parents must know people like us.

HalzTangz · 04/08/2021 19:01

@Amijustagrump

I would fully inform them of the cost and tell them going forward they won't be invited! And see if you can find someone last minute, I once got invited to a wedding 2 days away as someone caught the flu and just felt honoured to be invited and had a lovely time!
And that will end up as 4 no shows instead of two
Mrstamborineman · 04/08/2021 19:01

Good! Who wants moody teens under duress. Just ask people who are not invited and make it plain... look it’s last minute, we had family only and some have dropped out. Do you want to come instead? It will be fine,

Viviennemary · 04/08/2021 19:04

Tell the parents not to bother coming either. I would be furious at the rudeness. I wouldn't ask people to make up numbers. Thats considered quite cheeky.

HalzTangz · 04/08/2021 19:04

@WomanStanleyWoman

I’d not reply with anything rude or else that’ll be all of them not attending!

Would that be such a bad thing? I’d happily ditch all four of them and, if the venue won’t refund you for the cost per head, ask if you can put that money towards the drinks budget instead. I’d rather have extra champagne than the kind of guests who think it’s okay to say ‘We’re coming, but the kids can’t be arsed’.

Well as she's complaining about the cost of 2 no shows, I think her head would spin off if there was 4 no shows

OP I have a question, if the parents lied and said kids were isolating, would you still write a thread complaining?

mybiggestfan · 04/08/2021 19:05

Ask two of your nicer neighbours. Explain the situation to them and say that you couldnt ask everyone but they were the first people you thought of.

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