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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy *can* really destroy your body

187 replies

ImFallingApartAt27 · 02/08/2021 23:44

AIBU to say that it does?!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant at the moment but even before this baby I was pretty much falling apart after my last.

I have a prolapse, diastasis recti, an umbilical hernia, SPD and It's evil cousin sacroiliac joint dysfunction. I'm virtually house bound %80 of the time as I'm in so much pain when I walk and can't do bugger all.

I also have treatment resistant chronic TMD that only came about immediately after the traumatic birth of my last.

I need multiple operations to get back to remote normality in some areas and none of those will happen anytime soon.

I'm already having physio. Not helping.

Before having children I had none of these problems and now I feel completely disabled. I'm only 27.

Can anybody else relate?

Please tell me I'm not alone. I feel bloody depressed.

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 03/08/2021 00:38

This reply has been deleted

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SheilaWilcox · 03/08/2021 00:44

Yes.

My one and only DD is 11, so it's not just immediately post birth stuff.

My body is fucked and doctors just expect that it's normal for women. Since childbirth I'm also hypothyroid, which effects every cell in my body.
My health regularly makes me want to top myself as it feels like I'll never be well again.

GhostCurry · 03/08/2021 00:48

I’m sorry OP, that sounds terrible. You’ve been very unlucky.

BastardMonkfish · 03/08/2021 00:51

Definitely nowhere name the same extent as you OP bless you but I had GD in pregnancy, some of my teeth crumbled and I lost a couple, blood tests after pregnancy showed my body was depleted of b12, iron, vitamin D and god knows what else. 2 c sections have left me with severe adhesions and I've been told not to have any more children.

Despite this I'm glad I've managed to get through two pregnancies in my thirties without piles or a prolapse so I've had it quite good! It takes a lot out of you to produce children mentally and physically, thankfully the gift you get at the end makes it so worth it (or it did for me)

MyGrassIsBrowner · 03/08/2021 00:54

I'm 27 too, 30 weeks pregnant with baby no.2 and I feel like I'm falling apart. I have a low grade rectocele (sometimes have to splint when going to the loo which is depressing in itself) I've also got horrific PGP this time round. Totally disconnected from my body now when I look in the mirror as I genuinely look grim these days and really struggling to come to terms with it.
The only thing that keeps me going is my DD.

PigeonPink · 03/08/2021 00:55

I’ve also been permanently damaged by pregnancy. It makes me so angry because people keep saying I’ve sacrificed my body for my baby, so apparently that makes it ok. Well other people get to have a lovely baby and still have a normal body! I don’t think that’s an unrealistic expectation. It makes me angry to see other mums going about their lives with their normal bodies when mine has been destroyed. It’s not fair, why has this happened to me and not them? To make it worse the NHS won’t fix my issues so I’ll have to save up for private surgery. Honestly at one point I intended to commit suicide because I was so angry, I refused to live in this ruined body and I saw death as my only escape. Anyway I’ve managed to learn to cope even though I’m still desperately unhappy. But I totally know how you feel.

Vanilla1Cookies · 03/08/2021 03:53

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
As sad as everything you say is… I agree with this.

Why are you putting your body through it again when you already have a child and knew how hard it was before?

You knew your body didn’t cope well with pregnancy but then went on to get pregnant again knowing it would do further damage. It’s illogical.

IonaLeg · 03/08/2021 04:40

YANBU. I’m on the waiting list for the 4th surgery I will have to undergo as a direct result of my pregnancy. I’m in pain every day. It completely wrecked my body.

One of the reasons I’m only having one baby! Luckily I’ve decided I only want one for other reasons too or I would be in a really difficult position having to decide what to do.

I hope you heal and feel well again Flowers

IonaLeg · 03/08/2021 04:42

You knew your body didn’t cope well with pregnancy but then went on to get pregnant again knowing it would do further damage. It’s illogical.

Ah, be reasonable. If people based their decision about whether to have kids on logic, nobody would ever do it! It’s much more complicated than that, always has been.

Redsquirrel5 · 03/08/2021 04:47

Yes. I had a badly done( opinion of another Consultant) EmCS and still have itching and occasional pain 45 years later. He was going to redo it if I needed a CS and tidy it up. I delivered my other children normally.

Perhaps the maternal instincts for another child took over please don’t get at the OP for this or it could have been a surprise. People still get pregnant accidentally.

OP I am sorry you have such problems and that you are feeling depressed. Can someone take you out for a drive? I was depressed and stressed over my job in the first lock down and DH took me for a drive. We went out once a week and not too far. Took a flask of tea and a bit of cake and just sat looking at a different view for a while. It bucked me up and I looked forward to those once a week outings. I told a friend to bring her sister ( recent serious emergency op) to sit in our garden for a while if she wanted as her sister doesn’t have a garden. Just a change of scene and we have a beautiful view. Could you do that at a friends?
Talk it over with your midwife or GP too.

HegeHog · 03/08/2021 04:49

Mine has been ruined in a lot less severe way than yours OP, sounds like you have had a really bad time of it.

But yes mine has certainly been ruined to look at. Stretch marks everywhere and a pouch that I cannot shake no matter how many salads I eat or how much exercise I do!

I did also have really bad joints throughout and after pregnancy for a long time but which are thankfully just starting to improve with physio.

Greygreenblue · 03/08/2021 05:40

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
Because it is worth it, but that doesn’t make it easy?
PalmsandCharms · 03/08/2021 06:02

I'm also wondering why you're having another one. I mean, if you're in so much pain and distress why make it worse?

Vanilla1Cookies · 03/08/2021 06:35

@IonaLeg

You knew your body didn’t cope well with pregnancy but then went on to get pregnant again knowing it would do further damage. It’s illogical.

Ah, be reasonable. If people based their decision about whether to have kids on logic, nobody would ever do it! It’s much more complicated than that, always has been.

I am being reasonable. She wrote herself her body was falling apart after her first baby. She then made a choice to go on and have ANOTHER child knowing full well her body didn’t cope in the first pregnancy and it was only going to get worse with a second 9 month pregnancy and labour.

Lots of people don’t or do have kids for logical reasons. Money, space, time, HEALTH. They are all factors that are considered when having a child… so saying ‘nobody would ever do it!’ Is just a cop out for making a bad situation already worse.

The OP wasn’t to know how her body would react to the first pregnancy but after knowing what she did and then to go on to get pregnant a second time is madness frankly. Accident or not really isn’t an excuse. There are plenty of options that allow us to have sex and not get pregnant.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 03/08/2021 06:41

DS is now 14 but my body is totally knackered.

His birth triggered Psoriatic Arthritis and Fibromyalgia that so far my Consultant has been unable to get under control. I had to give up work and I use a stick to get around.

I manage though, DH is fantastic as is DS.

georgarina · 03/08/2021 06:44

How many children do you have OP? I'm sorry that you're struggling Flowers

kowari · 03/08/2021 06:45

You knew your body didn’t cope well with pregnancy but then went on to get pregnant again knowing it would do further damage. It’s illogical.
Further damage might also impact upon your ability to care for the first child. The first time was terrible bad luck but why on earth do it again?

thecognoscenti · 03/08/2021 06:46

If it's that awful and has caused this much damage - and I don't doubt for a moment that it is, and has - why put yourself through it again?

Iggly · 03/08/2021 06:46

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
How is that helpful? This lady is already pregnant.

OP., pregnancy is tough in your body. The worst bit I think is that we don’t get decent medical support to prevent things getting worse or to help fix them and that makes me angry. I would try and find a decent physio to help with your core as this may help a bit.

SharpLily · 03/08/2021 06:46

You're not wrong, OP. It really annoys me when people scoff that you're not ill, you're pregnant or similar dismissive comments. For some people, pregancy is ruinous and the long term effects can be even worse but this is not generally appreciated due to the misogynistic culture around women's health that means we are supposed to put up and shut up.

Kalvinette · 03/08/2021 06:51

I'm really sorry to hear that OP. I dont think this gets talked about enough. Pregnancy and childbirth is kind of talked about on these hushed gushing tones like some sort of soft focus sacred experience when it's often a very hard going process and shouldn't be done lightly. Not enough air time is given to what it puts your body through. Same with the menopause.

kowari · 03/08/2021 06:55

Because it is worth it, but that doesn’t make it easy?
You have to consider existing children before having another, will it be worth it to them?

Truthseeker34 · 03/08/2021 07:19

Really glad you put this thread up. I gave birth to my little girl 12 months ago , I have ringing in one ear , am prone to migranes and also suffer pains in my body all following giving birth . No one ever talks about this do they ?

lifehappened · 03/08/2021 07:20

Mine is only ruined in the aesthetics side (not sure that's the right word( belly won't go back to normal and massive hips but nothing internal. Still pissed off though

Wheresmrpenguin · 03/08/2021 07:27

I had my DD 18 months ago after c section. Most of my problems are cestion related. If I have a big wee I keel over in pain from the catheter, I can't walk for more than 30mins without bad pain in my pelvis and haven't been able to exercise due to the SPD/PGP I got at the end of pregnancy, my section scar is numb but gets sweaty and sore, and I also can't stretch or cough or sneeze without pulling a muscle and being in pain for rest of the day. I've become allergic to most brands of sanitary pads from a horrendous reaction I had to the glue they used. My teeth also rotted and are badly stained from all the vomiting.

I had my DD just as we went into lockdown 1, and no longer had access to the medical help I was originally entitled to which didn't help with my recovery.

I still want another baby somehow though 😂😂

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