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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy *can* really destroy your body

187 replies

ImFallingApartAt27 · 02/08/2021 23:44

AIBU to say that it does?!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant at the moment but even before this baby I was pretty much falling apart after my last.

I have a prolapse, diastasis recti, an umbilical hernia, SPD and It's evil cousin sacroiliac joint dysfunction. I'm virtually house bound %80 of the time as I'm in so much pain when I walk and can't do bugger all.

I also have treatment resistant chronic TMD that only came about immediately after the traumatic birth of my last.

I need multiple operations to get back to remote normality in some areas and none of those will happen anytime soon.

I'm already having physio. Not helping.

Before having children I had none of these problems and now I feel completely disabled. I'm only 27.

Can anybody else relate?

Please tell me I'm not alone. I feel bloody depressed.

OP posts:
Horehound · 03/08/2021 10:40

@PigeonPink

You would be shocked at how much better private health care is compared to NHS If I’d been offered additional treatments that would prevent or fix the injuries I have, I’d have paid on my credit card. Even if it was £20k. Not having this damage would be life changing. But I wasn’t even told there was anything available that could help me. Just told to fuck off and put up with it.
Well, you wouldn't know what injuries you'd have to know what to focus on before you give birth...

For after birth though I think, as shitty as it is to have to do it, you have to be the annoying fly around a GPs head to get things progressed.
Although I don't think it's limited to women who have given birth, it's the same for a lot of people trying to get any issues sorted.

I personally feel the NHS is not fit for purpose. It's needs a complete overhaul

Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 10:41

I'm under consultant led care with this pregnancy due to the complications with my last and I'm very much on the fence as to what I want to do about delivery.

My consultant has assured me they'll follow my wishes if I do decide to have an elective c section but she's of the opinion that another vaginal delivery won't make the prolapse any worse as the damage is already done.

I'm not convinced.

She also assured me I would be able to have a surgical repair if things did get worse, but that's not the experiences I'm hearing from women in a prolapse support group.

Some women I've spoken with have been desperately fighting for a surgical repair for years.

OP posts:
Redhound · 03/08/2021 10:41

I'm childfree and totally astonished that women still want to give birth when they end up with damage like this and are at the mercy of a medical profession that doesn't care.

AutumnLeafDance · 03/08/2021 10:43

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
What a nasty, unhelpful question to ask. Women have subsequent children for many reasons, and motherhood by its very nature involves huge personal sacrifice.
Shizen · 03/08/2021 10:43

@Iwonder08

OP, my only recommendation is to cut down on every bloody expense in your life and go to see a private specialist. I can guarantee your children and a husband much prefer a mother and a wife who is not in pain and not house bound to nice clothes, holidays, better food etc.
Agree with this! Won’t go into my own story as it’s quite outing, but the NHS support for this is woefully inadequate. Even if youre seeing someone who specialises in women’s health I doubt the appointments are long enough or regular enough because they just don’t have the resources.

You need to see a private pelvic floor physiotherapist who will do internal exercises with you with biofeedback. If you have scaring, you need someone who will manually work that scar tissue regularly for a while to soften it, also look into infrared light treatment. Pilates is very helpful for all the other things you mentioned but you need someone who specialises in prenatal and postnatal to work with you. Eventually you’ll need someone to help you work through your anger and other emotions about all this, and sadly you need be aware that it takes a lot of time of regularly working with all these things to see an improvement BUT improvement is possible.

Its really hard isn’t it OP. I was furious for years that all this can happen to us, that no one tells us, and that medical professionals just at best fob you off and at worse totally gas light you about this stuff Flowers

EmRata95 · 03/08/2021 10:43

My prolapse got much worse the second time round OP

MyGrassIsBrowner · 03/08/2021 10:45

@EmRata95 can I ask what kind of prolapse you have? This is what worries me. I am actually booked in for a section this time but my midwife is trying to convince me that my prolapse wont get worse with a subsequent VB.

EmRata95 · 03/08/2021 10:47

I had a 3rd degree cystocele and 3rd degree rectocele. Had it 'fixed' on the NHS but surgery wasn't 100% successfull so I need another operation.

MyGrassIsBrowner · 03/08/2021 10:48

@EmRata95 Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.
Mine is grade 2 rectocele at present. I'm so torn on what to do.

EmRata95 · 03/08/2021 10:51

Honestly I would go for ELCS! If I could go back in time I would have had Sections for each birth

Horehound · 03/08/2021 10:53

@ImFallingApartAt27 I think in your situ I'd go for a section

MyGrassIsBrowner · 03/08/2021 10:54

@EmRata95 I'm certainly swaying more towards that now. My labour was fast with my DD and I think that's what led to me coming away with the damage I did, too quick for my body to handle I think. I see my midwife next week so I need some serious talks with her me thinks.

Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 10:55

@EmRata95 and others who have had prolapse repair via the NHS, did you have to really fight for it?

The anecdotes I'm seeing in a support group worry me. I have spoken to women who have been suffering for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 10:57

MyGrass, it sounds like you're in the same position as me.

I'm leaning more toward csection at the moment despite being told another V birth won't make it any worse. That makes no sense to me considering the fact that my last Labour was so quick and I tore. Nobody can guarantee that won't happen again.

Thank you PP's for the advice Smile

OP posts:
AndInTheOtherMatch · 03/08/2021 11:00

So sorry you're struggling Op Flowers
I had two forceps deliveries and my body was absolutely fine immediately and for years afterwards. However, come the menopause and things have changed - I now have mild double incontinence. It means leaving the house has to be planned, forcing myself to use the toilet even if I don't particularly want to 'go' at that moment so that I won't get caught out later and ensuring there are toilets wherever I go.
I suppose I could go to the GP for help, but after 40+ years of smears, mammograms, endometriosis, surgical removal of ovarian cyst, removal of cervical polyp etc etc, I'm just weary of it all.

PastelFlowerJelly · 03/08/2021 11:03

I don’t see how money can enable you to bounce back? How can money prevent you tearing? How can money prevent you getting stretch marks? Because believe me I would have paid thousands if I thought there was any way to prevent that.

Private healthcare, more doctors/nurses in attendance during birth, elective sections or cosmetic surgery. All of these still take a toll on your body however anecdotally, money does make the process a lot easier. Just some examples:

  • I had a private doctor throughout pregnancy and I didn’t want to risk a natural birth due to reading threads like these on MN. I was approved for an ELCS the moment I brought it up and he performed the surgery personally. Another friend had the same experience. She had no interest in the risks of birth so registered with a private hospital and got an ELCS without any issues.
  • Another friend chose natural birth at a private hospital and it was akin to checking into a luxury hotel suite. They will never send you away due to contractions not being close enough and there was always staff around so epidural requests can happen right away.
  • Another acquaintance who had significant sagging/stretch marks after 3 pregnancies recently had extensive cosmetic surgery on tummy and breasts to fix everything. Saw holiday pics recently and she looks like she never gave birth with perfect breasts.
EmRata95 · 03/08/2021 11:06

Yes, i was told by various doctors for 2 years there was nothing wrong with me before they eventually referred me to a GYNE. And my GO even told me to be fully prepared to be told I was wasting their time! I wonder how many other women are told there is nothing wrong with them and they just accept that, as they don't want to be a pest or a nuisance. My advice to anyone in the same boat would be to just keep going back to the GP until they eventually take you seriously. It shouldn't be that way but hey ho. What can you do

MyGrassIsBrowner · 03/08/2021 11:08

@ImFallingApartAt27 My labour was fast too, I had a totally natural birth, all my midwives told me "textbook birth" which makes you lol really when I'm now a wreck of a woman I once was.
I'm not sure how I'd come back mentally from my prolapse getting worse after another VB with the knowledge that I could have had a section instead and quite possibly reduce the risk of it worsening. It's such a difficult one isn't it. X

grey12 · 03/08/2021 11:20

@Monday26July no, I didn't report the sexual assault because it took me a few years to even realise it. Doctor was examining me and had her hand up my vagina and forced me to have a sweep even when I keep saying stop stop I don't want it stop it's hurting stop! But doctors and nurses always have a way of weaseling you with it's ok, if it doesn't hurt it doesn't work, you'll be in labour in no time!!! Well.... never worked.....

I had already had a healthy child at nearly 42 weeks plus a family history of late pregnancies. It was private care so I had every test available and everything was good. The baby was just 41 weeks and 1 day at the time I signed the "leaving against medical advice". That's was the only reason! They were forcing me to induce or have Csection just because I had passed the magical number of 40weeks

Even you are stuck with the idea that any day after 40weeks regardless of tests/history/wtv is a horrrible abnormally and should be dealt with

Monday26July · 03/08/2021 11:25

[quote grey12]@Monday26July no, I didn't report the sexual assault because it took me a few years to even realise it. Doctor was examining me and had her hand up my vagina and forced me to have a sweep even when I keep saying stop stop I don't want it stop it's hurting stop! But doctors and nurses always have a way of weaseling you with it's ok, if it doesn't hurt it doesn't work, you'll be in labour in no time!!! Well.... never worked.....

I had already had a healthy child at nearly 42 weeks plus a family history of late pregnancies. It was private care so I had every test available and everything was good. The baby was just 41 weeks and 1 day at the time I signed the "leaving against medical advice". That's was the only reason! They were forcing me to induce or have Csection just because I had passed the magical number of 40weeks

Even you are stuck with the idea that any day after 40weeks regardless of tests/history/wtv is a horrrible abnormally and should be dealt with[/quote]
No, I'm not 'stuck with the idea that any day after 40wk is horribly abnormal'. The current NICE guidelines (from 2008, there are more up to date ones currently being drafted) stated that a pregnancy going over 42wk leads to a greater risk of problems for the baby and that at 41wk you should be offered a sweep or given a date for induction.

I'm really sorry that happened to you, that's appalling. Women should always have their informed consent sought for procedures, and I can well understand it taking a while to even realise something as awful a sexual assault has happened to you at the hands of medics you should be able to trust.

SeeYouInFive · 03/08/2021 11:29

@Starjammer

Well, firstly you've no idea whether celebrities are left with tearing or birth injuries unless they come out and say. Secondly, stretch marks - if you don't have them, you're more likely to be in a bikini on a beach where photographers can get you. I'm sure plenty of celebrities do have them, but we just don't see them.

They often seem to 'bounce back' in terms of body shape quicker, but that's usually due to personal trainer, nannies, food service etc. making it easier. Plus their body shape is often part of their 'job' so perhaps it's something they pursue more vigorously?

I read an interview with Liz Hurley way back when just after she’s given birth to her son. She said that straight after the birth she went to Elton John’s house to recover. She had a full time nanny and I remember her saying she ate nothing but spinach soup for six weeks until she could exercise again, because her Estée Lauder contract depended on her being in shape.

Celebrities are not normal people.

grey12 · 03/08/2021 11:31

@Monday26July I had my first 2 kids in a different country and thought that maybe they were a little behind the times. Unfortunately I can tell you that the UK isn't following those guidelines either!! With already 2 kids born at nearly 42 weeks, the midwife insisted I had an induction booked for 40 weeks and a couple of days. Which I had to go on and on and on refusing it Envy

Chocolatier9 · 03/08/2021 11:54

Reading these stories with horror.

It may be trite and prejudiced to say this but I find it hard to believe that these problems would be shrugged off in quite the same way if men gave birth rather than women.

doadeer · 03/08/2021 11:59

Yes. I went from being very fit, daily workouts to 4 months into my pregnancy barely able to walk with SPD. I'm 2.5 years pp and my back and pelvis is destroyed, I've spent thousands trying to fix it. I could not have another baby any time soon. I'm 31.

Sorry you've had such a rotten time 💐

Monday26July · 03/08/2021 11:59

@Chocolatier9

Reading these stories with horror.

It may be trite and prejudiced to say this but I find it hard to believe that these problems would be shrugged off in quite the same way if men gave birth rather than women.

I think the problem is, even with all of the medical care in the world, sometimes birth and pregnancy do end up leaving you with permanent, major injuries or health problems. Not everything can be resolved or fixed or treated. It was a real shock to realise that personally!