Pregnancy *can* really destroy your body

[ImFallingApartAt27]

AIBU to say that it does?!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant at the moment but even before this baby I was pretty much falling apart after my last.

I have a prolapse, diastasis recti, an umbilical hernia, SPD and It's evil cousin sacroiliac joint dysfunction. I'm virtually house bound %80 of the time as I'm in so much pain when I walk and can't do bugger all.

I also have treatment resistant chronic TMD that only came about immediately after the traumatic birth of my last.

I need multiple operations to get back to remote normality in some areas and none of those will happen anytime soon.

I'm already having physio. Not helping.

Before having children I had none of these problems and now I feel completely disabled. I'm only 27.

Can anybody else relate?

Please tell me I'm not alone. I feel bloody depressed.

@ImFallingApartAt27 - honestly have an ELCS. I did both times and it was the best thing about the whole shitty pregnancy experience. I didn’t see how I could possibly have a good vaginal birth when I was in such crippling pain just from SPD that my mobility was so compromised. There was no way I could have squatted or even walked around while in labour. Also bonus you can get your ELCS scheduled for 39 weeks and miss 1-3 weeks of horrible late term pregnancy.

Sorry for what you are going through op

I had my baby 11 months ago. I'm left with a saggy stomach thats covered with stretch marks and I also leak urine occasionally when I sneeze but I know that they are very mild issues compared to the problems you are having after pregnancy.

I wish you all the best with your second pregnancy.

It's terrible that you've gotten nasty responses on this thread.

@Vanilla1Cookies you are horrible.

@Gennz18 do you know what happens if you are booked in for ELCS and you go into spontaneous labour before week 39?

@YoungGun95 my consultant told me depending how dilated you are, you're rushed in for an 'emergency elective section'.

I think the problem is, even with all of the medical care in the world, sometimes birth and pregnancy do end up leaving you with permanent, major injuries or health problems. Not everything can be resolved or fixed or treated. It was a real shock to realise that personally!

Yes, this! I took calcium + Vit D but I must have had trouble absorbing it, because pregnancy affected my teeth. I also got acid reflux and gingivitis

I hope your husband is having a vasectomy and, if not, you are going to use more than 1 kind of contraception in future.

I am amazed that so many woman have more than 1 child. A poster says children are worth it! Are they really

@lynsey91 Yes, they really are worth it. But I tell you what, let's all stop having children shall we. Then become a dying species?

Jesus OP. I'm so sorry you've had so much negative shit on here.

My undercarriage was destroyed after a back to back Labour and forceps delivery, followed by a prolapse and urinary incontinence for good measure!

Pregnancy also seemed to set off a cascade of other health problems, awful endometriosis, wide spread joint and muscular pain which they tell me is fibromyalgia and spinal arthritis.

Before having a child, I went to the doctors very rarely. Since having a child I've lost count of the number of GP and hospital referrals. Literally dozens and dozens. I'm not the person I used to be.

Suffice to say I only had the one child. I know it's too late for you OP with number 2 on the way but I really hope you get your hysterectomy in the future. All the best

Yep totally agree
No one speaks about it ,so I just assumed I’m in lucky with the issues I’ve been left with

To the PPs who have had problems after VB and now want to opt for CS - is there not a worry that you would then just have to deal with the different after-effects of both? That you are just sort of spreading the damage around your body? Maybe the midwives etc encourage you to stick to VB because, even if it does get a bit worse, you’ve already had to deal with it and better the devil you know? I’m not suggesting this, more just interested/curious.

To the PPs who have had problems after VB and now want to opt for CS - is there not a worry that you would then just have to deal with the different after-effects of both?

I'd rather take my chances with any side affect from a c section than risk another infected 3rd degree tear to my vagina.

@YoungGun95 yes but presumably that’s because you’ve experienced that and not any of the side effects of a CS? (Which is understandable I guess, you can only know your own experience). A friend of mine had a section and her scar burst open and got infected and she has never recovered from the resulting complications, she never had any more kids. Your bladder and bowel can be cut during the op or get fused into the scar tissue afterwards which can leave you with different but equally horrific toileting problems than a VB. You can end up needing a hysterectomy during the op which would put you into early menopause which can go on to cause osteoporosis etc etc. I’m not trying to be negative but I do find it interesting that the medical professionals say that VB is the safer way to give birth but it seems a lot of people think actually CS is actually less likely to leave you with permanent health problems?

@Phrowzunn A planned section is more controlled. There are far too many unknowns with a VB and for some, the risks of a planned section outweigh the risks of another VB. I know I'd rather deal with the pain of a section incision than not being able to sit down properly for weeks cause I felt like my insides were hanging out.

Those of you who had sections: what was the recovery like? Could you do much with your children? I'm conscious of the fact that laying down and getting plenty of rest isn't going to be an option as I have a very dependent older child who needs me to be active.

I've just had an appointment with my midwife and said I'm still on the fence about delivery so looking forward to my birth options appointment with the consultant midwife later on in the month.

My MW said I could opt to have a section date booked in but then specify that if I go into spontaneous labour before that - I'd like to try for a V birth (if I want that at the time)

Naively, I didn't know that would be an option and assumed that if you opt for a section you're then having that section regardless.

@ImFallingApartAt27 This is were it gets tricky isn't it? I'm in exactly the same position. They said should I go into spontaneous labour before my section date, it's down to me to decide whether I rush to hospital for a 'planned emergency section' or try for a VB. I have no idea where my head would be at that moment in time! 😳

[quote MyGrassIsBrowner]@ImFallingApartAt27 This is were it gets tricky isn't it? I'm in exactly the same position. They said should I go into spontaneous labour before my section date, it's down to me to decide whether I rush to hospital for a 'planned emergency section' or try for a VB. I have no idea where my head would be at that moment in time! 😳[/quote]
Definitely!

Knowing me, I think in the moment, I would panic about how major an operation it is so opt for the V birth.. but then massively regret my decision.

I’m so sorry OP. I have nothing but sympathy. M

My experience was nowhere near as bad, but I was being sick until 20 weeks, developed the awful PEP rash all over my feet and abdomen in last three weeks of pregnancy (horrific) and am now in pain every month on my period from my episiotomy scar (two years on). It also hurts whenever I walk too far my blood pressure also soared to dangerous levels after DS was born.

There needs to be far more publicity of what can befall a woman during and after pregnancy, and an end to the attitude amongst some medics that we just have to live with it.

My c-sections were the best decisions ever.

My first was an emergency, second was elective.

First took about 3.5 weeks to recover from (ie that was when I could lift heavy shopping bags, didn’t have to be aware of stitches pulling etc). I was up and about the next day, just had to be careful not to get up suddenly. It was fine given how exhausted I was from pregnancy and having the baby.

Second section had the same recovery time, but as it was a planned section I had far fewer drugs and I felt mentally with it about an hour after delivery, rather than 3 or 4 days.

Pregnancy and vaginal birth are brutal things to happen to a human being. Women don’t talk to each other enough about it (or miscarriage or still birth). They’re not always (rarely, ime) the easy, beautiful, harmonious, Earth Mother experiences that western society would have you believe. They risks and challenges aren’t mentioned in biology classes at school, for whatever reasons, and they’re not openly discussed generally. Doing so would be beneficial to boys and girls, men and women.

You have to educate yourself and make the best decision for you. You’re the one who will be left suffering the consequences. Some people get away with it Scott-free. Some are damaged for life. You have history. All the negative outcomes used to discourage women from c-sections are to do with human/surgical error, recovery time, surgery in general. Why would you put yourself through a vaginal birth twice when the first time was so awful for you?

Im not sure it’s helpful to imply that c sections are “better” when they’re actually major surgery and the majority of women recover fine from childbirth.

Being pregnant and having that pressure on your core and pelvic area during pregnancy is a huge issue and your body needs time to recover from that, vagina birth or not.

I personally think the biggest issue is that modern medicine treats pregnancy and childbirth as something to be “fixed”, not supported, and you end up with interventions that can make things worse.

@ImFallingApartAt27 You took the words right out of my mouth, I'd probably end up doing the same.
I wish it wasn't this difficult. X

Lots of people don’t or do have kids for logical reasons. Money, space, time, HEALTH. They are all factors that are considered when having a child… so saying ‘nobody would ever do it!’ Is just a cop out for making a bad situation already worse.

Having kids is never a logical decision. Pregnancy is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do. They’re incredibly expensive. They take a huge toll on your relationship. They take away your free time, they deprive you of sleep, they limit your opportunities, they interfere with your career.

Logically, there’s no reason to do it! But we do - for love. OP isn’t any less logical than any other parent. She’s just as entitled to think it’s worth it to have the baby.

Hormones conveniently help you to forget the awfulness of your first pregnancy. Remarkably, I had a much easier time with Ds2 than Ds1.

Just in case this helps, to add to the other posts here, I was pencilled in for an ELCS at 39 weeks for mental health reasons/tokophobia/terrified of damage to myself and DS. I was told that it is safer to deliver premature babies naturally if possible. So I agreed to a VB in that situation, thinking it was unlikely...DS was born five weeks early but a CS would have still been an option.

@Iggly

Couldn’t disagree more. The human body is NOT a perfect machine. In countries with excellent standards of hygiene and good surgical outcomes - such as the U.K. - surgery isn’t the problem it would be in countries without these things. As the OP and many other pps say, there most certainly ARE things to be fixed post-partum. Intervention or “support” during pregnancy, with all the risks attendant to the foetus/baby, are either not going to cut it or simply not an option.

For a first birth, yes a vaginal delivery should be attempted, all being well. The majority of women do recover well and quickly, and don’t need intervention. Many, however, do need help and follow-up support and care should be available.

The OP has history. This is a second attempt. Things have gone wrong, are going wrong. To my mind, surgery is the least risky outcome. If she had the money, this surgery and round of anaesthesia might also be the one to fix any pre-existing problems.

It’s not good enough to think that having a baby = a natural thing = all outcomes are natural and a fact of life. Illness and diseases are “natural” but we treat them. What’s the difference here?

@Iggly

Im not sure it’s helpful to imply that c sections are “better” when they’re actually major surgery and the majority of women recover fine from childbirth.

Being pregnant and having that pressure on your core and pelvic area during pregnancy is a huge issue and your body needs time to recover from that, vagina birth or not.

I personally think the biggest issue is that modern medicine treats pregnancy and childbirth as something to be “fixed”, not supported, and you end up with interventions that can make things worse.

“Interventions that make things worse”

I suspect that the people who’ve ended up with damage as a result of intervention would still prefer that outcome over refusing intervention and losing their baby. That’s certainly how I feel.

Are you aware that interventions are what save the lives of baby and mother during childbirth? No midwife or doctor steps in when a birth is going well to offer an unnecessary intervention. I couldn’t disagree more with everything you’ve said tbh. C sections are major surgery, vaginal deliveries are also major trauma to the body.