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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy *can* really destroy your body

187 replies

ImFallingApartAt27 · 02/08/2021 23:44

AIBU to say that it does?!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant at the moment but even before this baby I was pretty much falling apart after my last.

I have a prolapse, diastasis recti, an umbilical hernia, SPD and It's evil cousin sacroiliac joint dysfunction. I'm virtually house bound %80 of the time as I'm in so much pain when I walk and can't do bugger all.

I also have treatment resistant chronic TMD that only came about immediately after the traumatic birth of my last.

I need multiple operations to get back to remote normality in some areas and none of those will happen anytime soon.

I'm already having physio. Not helping.

Before having children I had none of these problems and now I feel completely disabled. I'm only 27.

Can anybody else relate?

Please tell me I'm not alone. I feel bloody depressed.

OP posts:
MistyFrequencies · 03/08/2021 07:33

Yep. Got ”pregnancy induced asthma". I mean, who the fuck knew that could happen? Had SPD, still (4 years later) can't push a shopping trolley around or walk on uneven surface (e.g. beach) without pain. I had two, but for those of you asking why OPs having a second, my 2nd was unplanned. It can happen.

BlueLobelia · 03/08/2021 07:34

yes, I agree. I also have diastasis recti, and my second birth was a forceps delivery when it ought to have been an EMC and the resulting tears and repair meant that sex is incredibly painful. My GP told me to drink a few glasses of wine and relax when I went to her about it as it was destroying my sex life and my DH was getting a bit frustrated with it all. (My youngest is 10, so this is not in the distant darkest days).

My back is shot. PND led to binge eating and then massive weightgain. But it is only acceptable to 'lose the baby weight' and I have literally had people tell me that 'having a baby is no excuse'. I even recall the bastarding pre-birth comic books (was it Emma's diary?) given before before by the NHS that promoted things like breastfeeding for weightloss and had pics of the father looking at his wife's slimmer figure admiringly.

Undersnatch · 03/08/2021 07:42

I’m so sorry for everyone here dealing with significant changes to their bodies. I too had prolapse, developed hypothyroidism, constant back pain. My breasts are now empty pancakes! I did have diastasis recti but have been able to correct it - Pilates helps everything, if you have any free time and haven’t already.

I think the impact isn’t spoken enough and there isn’t enough support in prevention. I certainly did not know how very important pelvic floor exercises and general strength is.

And for those with th brutal ‘why did you have more’ comments - really? You’ve never made decisions that were bad for you because of something you want? It’s ridiculous. Sometimes the way other women bite at one another appals me. I wonder why it is.

Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 08:35

Thank you for the solidarity PP's.

To answer those of you asking why I would have another, I didn't plan to and certainly didn't want one.

I have been asking for a hysterectomy since I had my other child, for multiple reasons:

My health
Prolapse
PMDD (another gift that came about after childbirth)
Being certain I never wanted more

I took responsibility for my own contraception, which failed, and here we are.

I support women's choice to terminate but due to my own personal standpoint as far as I'm concerned it wasn't an option for me.

OP posts:
feelingmehtoday · 03/08/2021 08:42

Yes, you're not alone. I also suffered horrific hyperemesis that had me hospitalised, diastasis recti (stomach muscles are not the same now 4 months postpartum), I have recurrent back and joint pain still, and internal (vaginal) problems. Pregnancy and birth take a huge toll on a woman's body.

feelingmehtoday · 03/08/2021 08:43

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??

Ffs Hmm

Bunnycat101 · 03/08/2021 08:53

I think you have to hope that time will help heal some of the issues. I noticed I had a prolapse when I picked up my second in the car seat and it felt like my insides fell out. I probably did the damage in pregnancy 1 but didn’t really notice and then pregnancy 2 destroyed my insides. It really upset me for quite a few months but I have noticed improvement over time.

Polkadots2021 · 03/08/2021 08:55

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
Please can you just be nice, or not post? This is a horrendous reply to someone who is going through a very tough time.

OP just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I feel like medical care about und birth and afterwards can be absolutely horrendous.

Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 08:59

So sorry to read that this many of you have pregnancy/birth related issues. It's just not spoken about enough is it?

I mean, you might occasionally hear "do your pelvic floor exercises" but nobody tells you why it's nessecary.

I remember discovering a lump inside and my first thought was a tumour. That's how little knowledge I had on prolapse.

I don't think all the PFE's in the world would have saved me though. It turns out some women are genetically predisposed. My mother had exactly the same issues with the prolapse and hernia, she just didn't speak about it.

OP posts:
Polkadots2021 · 03/08/2021 09:01

God this thread makes me angry. Reading back the 'why have another' responses. People say if women ruled the world it'd be a much better place. Well it wouldn't really, would it? Where such pettiness and lack of empathy and failure to support someone in the most basic way is so clear. There are women on Mumsnet who are absolute champions for eachother and others who just can't wait to stick the boot in, or simply completely lack the empathy to care about the damage their off the cuff snarky comment will make.

Gennz18 · 03/08/2021 09:02

@ImFallingApartAt27 Flowers

I had hideous PGP/SPD and hyperemesis.

I know you’ve said that Physio isn’t helping - have you seen a specialist women’s physio? I saw one weekly throughout my second pregnancy and for a year afterwards and it made a huge difference. Bloody expensive though as I had to go private. I also wore a Seralo sacroiliac belt daily from about 25 weeks and never walked further than the letterbox. Made a big difference from my first pregnancy were I was in absolute agony and immobile from the PGP from about 36 weeks until 6 weeks post partum.

It’s bloody awful and I feel for you. The thought of being pregnant again makes my blood run cold.

Gennz18 · 03/08/2021 09:04

I meant to say my (wonderful) women’s Physio said that she could almost always help people suffering from post partum issues even if it’s been years and years. It’s never too late to try to fix the damage.

Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 09:04

@Polkadots2021

God this thread makes me angry. Reading back the 'why have another' responses. People say if women ruled the world it'd be a much better place. Well it wouldn't really, would it? Where such pettiness and lack of empathy and failure to support someone in the most basic way is so clear. There are women on Mumsnet who are absolute champions for eachother and others who just can't wait to stick the boot in, or simply completely lack the empathy to care about the damage their off the cuff snarky comment will make.
Very well said. I see it all of the time.
OP posts:
Patapouf · 03/08/2021 09:06

@Zebraaa

So why on earth are you having another one??
This is rude.
Original poster
ImFallingApartAt27 · 03/08/2021 09:06

My physiotherapist specialises in women's health and she's via the NHS, I think I will need to save up and go private because NHS physio just want to discharge you asap I have found.

I had a lovely osteopath who was helping me with the TMD but she was costing me £200 a month and I just don't have that money spare at the moment.

OP posts:
husbandcallsmepickle · 03/08/2021 09:09

I survived pregnancy but have suffered post partum after epidural/spinal block and forceps birth. It's something nobody tells you, and equally nobody wants to know about.

IndecentCakes · 03/08/2021 09:11

Well, she's 27 weeks so there's not much point in asking why she's having another baby. Life's complicated, anyway.

OP, I know how it is, can totally relate. I'm mid forties with three children - hypothyroid, prolapse, hernia. It's not taken seriously enough.

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/08/2021 09:11

Children? Plural? Crazy…

KingdomScrolls · 03/08/2021 09:12

I had GD , SPD , sacroiliac joint dysfunction which was horrendous. I initially wanted two but I cannot put my body through that again

grey12 · 03/08/2021 09:13

@PigeonPink

I’ve also been permanently damaged by pregnancy. It makes me so angry because people keep saying I’ve sacrificed my body for my baby, so apparently that makes it ok. Well other people get to have a lovely baby and still have a normal body! I don’t think that’s an unrealistic expectation. It makes me angry to see other mums going about their lives with their normal bodies when mine has been destroyed. It’s not fair, why has this happened to me and not them? To make it worse the NHS won’t fix my issues so I’ll have to save up for private surgery. Honestly at one point I intended to commit suicide because I was so angry, I refused to live in this ruined body and I saw death as my only escape. Anyway I’ve managed to learn to cope even though I’m still desperately unhappy. But I totally know how you feel.
@PigeonPink You really should talk to your GP. Exaggerate Be honest with them, don't be embarrassed about letting them know how this is affecting you 

Good luck!

nellly · 03/08/2021 09:13

I agree, I've been diagnosed with cholestasis and not only is it making me so poorly now during pregnancy it's likely to leave me with life long liver and gallbladder issues. I had never really heard anyone talk about birth or pregnancy complications and it's been so much harder than I thought.

YoungGun95 · 03/08/2021 09:13

I hear you. I was left with grade 3 cystocele and rectoceles after my babies which required surgery to fix, which hasn't been 100% successfull so I need further surgery. My vagina is a train wreck. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I honestly don't think I'd ever have children, I'd adopt instead.

Iwonder08 · 03/08/2021 09:14

OP, my only recommendation is to cut down on every bloody expense in your life and go to see a private specialist. I can guarantee your children and a husband much prefer a mother and a wife who is not in pain and not house bound to nice clothes, holidays, better food etc.

Tibtab · 03/08/2021 09:14

I could have written this, I wanted 2 children and I am currently pregnant with my second. My first wrecked my body and I felt like the second wouldn’t make it worst.

I am already saving up for the private surgery I will need to fix things. I am repulsed by my body, no amount of people saying “oh but you have a healthy baby” help me deal with the fact that I have to tuck my stomach into my knickers. I am covered in stretch marks, no they aren’t tiger stripes or war wounds, I hate them.

My pelvic floor is destroyed, I tried jogging after my first was born and had to wear full Tena knickers due to the amount of urine that just fell out of me. I have to change clothes if I cough. I’m in my early 30s and feel like I’m in my 80s.

vampirethriller · 03/08/2021 09:20

I've got diastasis recti, SPD is still bad two and a half years later and I can't run any more or bend at the waist because my hip joints pop out. I had sepsis in labour and my hair fell out in handfuls and isn't the same. I wanted two children but really cannot face it all again.