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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask if you were in love with the person you first had sex with?

253 replies

MissMojoRising · 02/08/2021 13:13

Something I've been thinking about recently, and had a discussion with friends. Were you in love with the first person you had PIV with?

I was not. Had a BF, I did like him, everyone else was at it, so we did it.

Not looking for any details, just a yes/no vote is OK

YES: I was in love
NO: I was not in love

OP posts:
FunMcCool · 02/08/2021 14:36

I was in the way I could be at the tomr

TomorrowIsAnotherDae · 02/08/2021 14:43

No. I was 18 and slept with him the first night I’d met him. It was the right time for me. I’ve never been emotionally invested in sex, it’s simply a physical act (that I used to enjoy pre-menopause)

The first time was also a bit of a fuck-you to my ex who was always pressuring me for sex in his car. I was determined that my first time would be in a bed and that we would spend the whole night together, and that’s exactly how it happened. We were together for a wonderful summer.

ChaBishkoot · 02/08/2021 14:44

Yes. Another one who married him. But I wasn’t his first. And the first time was a bit awkward. Mainly because he knew it was my first time and was very worried he would hurt me. I am pleased to say we are both better at it 20 years later.

Christinayangtwistedsister · 02/08/2021 14:44

Yes

Csx99 · 02/08/2021 14:48

Yes. Ended up together for 6 years, sadly it didn't work out but we have an amazing son out of it and co-parent really well Smile

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 02/08/2021 14:50

No it was a holiday romance, i was very very young, lied about my age to him and let myself be coerced into it.

wlv12 · 02/08/2021 14:51

Yes - I was 17, we’ve been together 22 years now, married 19.

ObviousNameChage · 02/08/2021 14:52

Nope. He wasn't even my boyfriend.

ThunderCrow · 02/08/2021 14:54

No. Not my boyfriend, just a guy at a party - everyone else fancied him so I felt smug about it.

I shouldn't. It was crap and set up a weak foundation on which to build my perception of sexual relationships. I would go back and change it, if I could.

TheSockMonster · 02/08/2021 14:54

Yes, I was 15 and I’m married to him now (broke up at the end of school, then got back together 11 years later)

I’m so sorry for your loss @Baileyscheesecake

IKidYouKnot · 02/08/2021 14:56

I think it can be a chicken and egg situation, in that feeling in love with someone possibly more likely to happen after you'd had sex. For example, you know better if you are compatible, orgasm releases endorphins, which are responsible for good feelings, etc.

Of course, not sure how many of us actually orgasm on first PIV, so that might not be an issue.

For me on reflection it is a NO, but looking back I did have strong feelings for the person at the time.

itstoolateforthis · 02/08/2021 14:58

I thought I was, but I was an impressionable teen, so probably not.

We're gay though, so it wasn't PIV - I've never done that so maybe I'm a virgin Grin

Maggiesfarm · 02/08/2021 15:05

No I was not, never saw him again.

ExConstance · 02/08/2021 15:09

No. I did realise the relationship was coming to a close but i was 15 and wanting to explore what sex was all about, we were very fond of each other and I thought it was a sensible thing to do. I was right ab;out tha tbecause having got it out of my system i waitied another year until I'd met someone I really did love to tr again.

Essexgirlupnorth · 02/08/2021 15:13

No and I broke up with him not long after as went back to uni and realised the distance wasn't working.

Loved the boyfriend before and we had done other stuff but not piv I was terrified I would get pregnant and mess up my a-level which is ironic considering the time I have spent in my 30s trying to get pregnant. Kind of wish we had done it as think the sex would have been better than the guy I did loose my virginity too.

DahliaMacNamara · 02/08/2021 15:15

I was, but sadly it wasn't mutual, which I knew at the time. I naively thought that sleeping with me meant he must feel something for me. Er, no, dear.

Blueskytoday06 · 02/08/2021 15:15

I thought I was. But I was 16.

bellmyring · 02/08/2021 15:18

The vast majority must be "no" for the past few decades. If you think about it, how long does it take to fall in love? Minutes? Days? Weeks? Months? I'd think it is several weeks or many months to have that feeling in a relationship (I know there can be exceptions). At least, that is how it has been for me. I'd think most relationships naturally will evolve to sex before they have reached the stage of love these days.

In addition, I know of friends who's first experience was just experimenting, or rape, or unplanned drunk ONS, and so on. So many many more "no" instances I know of.

JustLikeSugar · 02/08/2021 15:23

As with other poster, I did most everything with BF for whom I had strong feelings. Really wanted to try PIV, but didn't for a number of reasons, and it's something I kind of regret looking back in time. If we have done it, then it would have been a yes for from me.

Sadly, my first time then was a very bad experience in uni :(

NotQuiteUsual · 02/08/2021 15:26

Yes and here we are married with 3 kids 14 years later. Didn't plan it this way, just worked out

Blossomtoes · 02/08/2021 15:26

Nope.

iMombie · 02/08/2021 15:28

Yes

sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2021 15:33

Yes

FoxgloveSummers · 02/08/2021 15:35

Yes I think so. He wasn't in love with me - I realised that when he came out to me not long after Grin

(I do think he loved me as a friend though, which I suppose is nicer than a lot of potential first shags)

ChainJane · 02/08/2021 15:35

Yes