Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

259 replies

Boxesonwardrobes · 30/07/2021 18:09

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

  • I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
  • The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
  • Fuck off

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 30/07/2021 18:12

Fuck off.

Gumboots29 · 30/07/2021 18:13

Third one

IamnotSethRogan · 30/07/2021 18:13

"why are you such a cunt?" Would be my go to

Lampadusa · 30/07/2021 18:13

I like 2 and 3

Tryalittlemagic · 30/07/2021 18:13

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

iklboo · 30/07/2021 18:14

Fuck off Uncle Dickhead

thistimelastweek · 30/07/2021 18:14

Mind your own fucking business Uncle Dickwad x

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/07/2021 18:14

“Are you trying to be funny or are you really this ignorant, Uncle Dickhead?”

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 18:14

The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so fuck off

AutistGoth · 30/07/2021 18:15

I'd go with the second option. Then if he doesn't shut up, the third.

For what it's worth, I don't have DC myself, but due to autism, I have difficulty finding employment. I find interviews hellish. For a time, I was too anxious to even leave my apartment unless DH was with me. So whilst my circumstances aren't the exact same, I do understand where you are coming from and I have had similar comments. Flowers

WomanStanleyWoman · 30/07/2021 18:15

‘Go fuck yourself with the fat end of a pineapple’. What it lacks in wit, it makes up for in mental imagery.

Freddiefox · 30/07/2021 18:15

I just wouldn’t even bother. I’d just raise my eyebrows and move on. What ever you say he will say you’re too sensitive, it was just a joke. You won’t win.

Pallisers · 30/07/2021 18:15

Fuck off would be my choice.

Or when he says it, look at him coldly for a beat and then turn away and start talking to someone else. if he persists, continue to ignore him blatently as if he simply isn't there or you can't hear him. The cut direct as they used to say in the 19th century. Be as rude as you possibly can - he deserves it.

TalkingOutYerArse · 30/07/2021 18:16

@Tryalittlemagic

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?
This
NiceGerbil · 30/07/2021 18:16

Channel Blackadder's retort towards the end of this clip!

SmugglersHaunt · 30/07/2021 18:16

Fuck off wankstain

Freddiefox · 30/07/2021 18:16

Or you could have a little bingo card all prepared and make a big show of ticking them off in front of him.

newnortherner111 · 30/07/2021 18:17

Sad that the bride and groom felt obliged or decided to invite such an unpleasant man. I don't think it's worthy of a witty response.

Cherryana · 30/07/2021 18:17

I always like the childish repetition retort..

Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?
Me: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?

Or the mock innocence.
Him: Why don't you get a job and take the pressure of Mr Boxes?
Me: I'm not sure I understand what you mean? We are really happy with our family set up. It works really well at the moment. Maybe it will change in the future? I don't know. Thanks for your concern though - I really appreciate your interest.

plodalong12 · 30/07/2021 18:17

@Tryalittlemagic

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
NiceGerbil · 30/07/2021 18:18

Whenever he corners you just say sorry need to toilet/ oh look there's Dave/ wow I'm going to go and look at that chair and just walk off.

LemonLymanDotCom · 30/07/2021 18:18

“I can easily go out and get a job, but you’ll need a personality transplant before you’ll ever be able to make a positive ‘contribution to society’”
turn and walk away

NewlyGranny · 30/07/2021 18:18

Here is my selection:

Give it a bone, Uncle D.
Change the record.
Mind your own beeswax.
What's it to you?
Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, can you say it again?
...No, I'm having trouble hearing you. Try again.
...It's no use, I can't make out what you're saying. Can you write it down for me?

And, when face to face, you could try,

" Sorry, running out of battery/signal. I'm going through a tunnel."

Beachtrip · 30/07/2021 18:18

6500 languages in this world and you insist on speaking bullshit.

iklboo · 30/07/2021 18:19

Or

I'll go back to work when you stop being a complete twat. So no time soon. Fuck off, Uncle Dickhead.