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Original poster

To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

259 replies

Boxesonwardrobes · 30/07/2021 18:09

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

  • I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
  • The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
  • Fuck off

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
speakout · 30/07/2021 18:53

I understand you donrt want public conflict OP.
Smile, touch his hand, beckon him to come a little closer and then whisper in his ear " fuck off".
Then smile and nod.

TheQueensCousin · 30/07/2021 18:53

2 followed by 3

ginandbearit · 30/07/2021 18:54

Does your oh earn more than uncle d ? What does his wife ( if he has one) do ? This smacks of jealousy and envy ..
But essentially just hiss at him .."i have. children who need my care ..dont fucking question me again !" Death stare .

Foghead · 30/07/2021 18:55

Just laugh at him say ‘I knew you were going to say that again. You need some new topics of conversation’ and walk off.

TheOneWithThe · 30/07/2021 18:55

Ugh, I used to have one of those, but he's died now.

I regret not telling him to fucking fuck off at least once when he made shitty remarks to put me down.

Though I would say that maybe it would be best to not "rise" to it at the wedding, just because it might put you in a bad mood and spoil your day/evening. He's probably trying to get a reaction out of you, so if you completely snap at him then he'll be happy that he's upset you, and he'll probably play the victim to the rest of your family.

dalismoustache · 30/07/2021 18:56

If your children are going to the wedding too, how about asking him to look after your DC for a short while, but don't come back for an hour or so. If applicable, make sure at least one of them needs changing/feeding. Might show him what hard work it really is.

mbosnz · 30/07/2021 18:56

'This is really none of your business Uncle, and you're making a boorish fool of yourself, attempting to make it so. Please don't do so again.'

And then turn to converse with someone else.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/07/2021 18:56

The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so FUCK OFF and mind your own business

A mix of two and three

TheOneWithThe · 30/07/2021 18:57

"Just laugh at him say ‘I knew you were going to say that again. You need some new topics of conversation’ and walk off."

Oooo I vote for this, do not give him the benefit of knowing that he's made you angry or upset, laugh in his face with the tinkliest of laughs!

billysboy · 30/07/2021 18:57

Ask him if he knows any good jokes ? As ur bored of his conversation!

Threewheeler1 · 30/07/2021 18:58

"I'm sorry, Boxesonwardrobes isn't here right now. Can I take a message?"

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/07/2021 18:58

I was at an event where my very overweight uncle started asking my cousin when she was going to lose her baby weight.

I asked him how many babies he was currently pregnant with and gave his beer belly a tap.

Arsehole men.

bewilderedhedgehog · 30/07/2021 18:58

I think the first two sound as if you need to state a reason - which you don't need to do. I would go with a careful putdown e.g. Did you mean to be so rude? or Beachtrip's phrase is lovely - 6500 languages in this world and you insist on speaking bullshit

loopyapp · 30/07/2021 18:58

(Ill do my list here for my disabled children you can change it to fit yours)

Well uncle D, between getting up an hour before everyone else to ensure everything is just right to head of a first thing melt down from DS10 and getting whatever laundry caused by his incontinence during the night on to wash and breastfeeding the baby, then serving breakfast for everyone and grappling with an SEN child into clothes and teeth brushing and his every morning anxiety around school or whatever activities are planned. Then the school run and housework I cant do with the disabled children home as they really should have a 1:1 (laundry, bed changes, washing up, hoovering round, cleaning up breakfast mess.) Then errands and shopping all whilst juggling a toddler play/ sleep/ eating schedule. Then another school run, homework and reading plus making dinner wrestling said finger down over tired kids. Baths and bedtime. I don't really have time to get a job. My contribution is all this. Alone. So DH can pursue a career. I am sacrificing my career potential so he can meet his.

Unless you're offering assistance pipe down.

ancientgran · 30/07/2021 18:58

I'd just smile and ask him if he's jealous.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 30/07/2021 18:59

When are you going to stop being a SAHM?

When you stop being a dick. So probably never

ancientgran · 30/07/2021 19:00

@loopyapp

(Ill do my list here for my disabled children you can change it to fit yours)

Well uncle D, between getting up an hour before everyone else to ensure everything is just right to head of a first thing melt down from DS10 and getting whatever laundry caused by his incontinence during the night on to wash and breastfeeding the baby, then serving breakfast for everyone and grappling with an SEN child into clothes and teeth brushing and his every morning anxiety around school or whatever activities are planned. Then the school run and housework I cant do with the disabled children home as they really should have a 1:1 (laundry, bed changes, washing up, hoovering round, cleaning up breakfast mess.) Then errands and shopping all whilst juggling a toddler play/ sleep/ eating schedule. Then another school run, homework and reading plus making dinner wrestling said finger down over tired kids. Baths and bedtime. I don't really have time to get a job. My contribution is all this. Alone. So DH can pursue a career. I am sacrificing my career potential so he can meet his.

Unless you're offering assistance pipe down.

I wouldn't do that. A child has a right to their privacy and dignity. Discussing their incontinence or melt downs with a dickhead doesn't seem right to me.
NiceGerbil · 30/07/2021 19:01

He is doing it deliberately obv.

Other approaches-

Hmm maybe you've got a point. I think you should discuss it with DH as well. DH already clued in obv.
Go fetch him and say DH I was just chatting to undertake. Uncle dickhead and he's pointed out that I'm s drain on the family finances and lazy. I've got to go and talk to auntie z now, DH I'll leave you to discuss it with dickhead.
Walk off.

My guess is he will not know what the fuck to say. DH could open with. I hear you think wife is s drain on the family finances eh? Interesting. Tell me more!

NiceGerbil · 30/07/2021 19:04

Or

Why no job etc.

Oh well dickhead, luckily DH earns loads! We really enjoy our lifestyle. Couldn't be happier! Massive smile.

Do NOT attempt to explain, get him to understand, etc. He is doing it on purpose to make you defensive and upset.

couchparsnip · 30/07/2021 19:04

He's one of those people that thinks he's funny and hasn't got anything better to say.

Maybe give him a withering look and say something like "yes you said that last time I saw you - wasn't funny then either".

Or. Being charitable- If you think he's maybe just a bit socially awkward and making bad jokes because he can't think of anything else to say - then you could just talk to him and tell him you don't find it funny, looking after your kids is hard work and could he please give it a rest. He might be reasonable.

GreatAuntEmily · 30/07/2021 19:05

"I thought you knew'
knew what?
'My premium bond win last year'
'.......and don't send any begging letters - it's all already accounted for haha..... youre too late'

NetballHoop · 30/07/2021 19:05

I'd simply say that I'm a SAHM as I don't want my children to grow up like you.

dapsnotplimsolls · 30/07/2021 19:06
  1. We're doing what's best for our family, thanks for asking.
  2. Given the cost of childcare, if I went back to work, we'd be £2.75 a week better off. Any ideas what we should spend that on?
ViewFromHalfway · 30/07/2021 19:08

Create a bingo sheet of all the things he's likely to say and then visibly tick them off and smile when he inevitably says one/some.

Pissinthepottyplease · 30/07/2021 19:08

why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?” - “I’m lucky that he earns enough money for both of us”. Big smile.

“when are you going to contribute to society again?” - “I’m raised children, this is my contribution to society” Big smile

“haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” - “No, I’m enjoying the time off. I think I will stay off until they are at least 18.”