To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

[Boxesonwardrobes]

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

• I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
• The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
• Fuck off

Thanks in advance

Then obviously your husband can tell him very clearly that you do a great job for your family and to please treat you with the respect you deserve. Being shamed by another man will do the trick. Annoying but true

Have day off - and when he asks a "day off from what?" You reply from being a cunt

How about…
“Why does it bother you so much, Uncle X?”
OR
“Why does it bother you so much that I don’t get paid for the work I do, Uncle X?”
Put the emphasis back on him, to explain what the problem is. It’ll either shut him down, or if he bangs on about you not contributing to society, gives you an opener to educate him about how raising children IS work and how the huge number of nurseries, childminders, nannies and existence of schools is daily proof of that. Add the extra needs of your DC and it’s an awful lot of work that you carry out 7 days a week beyond the 9-5. The only difference is you don’t get paid. You can finish with a point that you consider yourself lucky that you enjoy your work, even though you don’t get a monetary reward.

If you adopt a tone to say all of this cheerfully/happily/sympathetically, you should come across as attempting to help your uncle to overcome his issue, rather than starting an argument.
Good luck to you x

You don't finance or fuck me so mind your own

Thank you all so much, these are fantastic and making me feel so much better! And I’m sorry that these people exist and feel the need to be such insufferable bellends all their lives.

Love the idea of the cut direct. I think something like “why do I need to work, I’m rich?” or “you jealous?” would probably rile him most. But I would like to shame him somewhat, as I want it to stop now. Because while I know 100% it’s been the right thing for our family, it’s something I can’t help but feel insecure about.

I’m going to write a list of my favourites you are all brilliant

There's that other MN classic, apologies if it's already been posted:

Fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more.

“Holiday? I’ve been in the gym preparing to kick your ignorant face in. Or have you decided to keep your mouth shut?”

2 + 3

I sahp, no sen involved, and anyone who spoke to me like that would get a thick ear.

Just look a bit surprised, then laugh out loud, and say, 'This old chestnut again? Too much Daily Mail for you! Pressure? We have more than enough, thanks for your concern, and DH is very different to you - he's the type to take enormous pleasure in providing for us at work while I provide at home.' Laugh again, and refuse to engage at all after that.

I always find responding at all to be defeatist! When he starts, take a step back, look at him slowly from top to toe with you eyebrows raised, smirk and walk away. Passive is the very best kind of aggression, they hate it, I use it all the time when necessary!

Look like you are musing over his words as worth of consideration, then thoughtfully.... "we share a bloodline.... so depressing". And move on gracefully. It'll take him a minute to compute and you can be engaged with more worthwhile people while the penny drops. Ignore him utterly from there on.

‘Ah, there you are, uncle Dickhead! Funny how no family wedding would be complete without the embarrassing relative who always says something really inappropriate.’ Tinkly laugh.

Fuck off you sad bullshitter?

Just because you can’t do witty banter doesn’t mean you can’t tell someone to fuck off when they deserve it.

He will probably get upset because he’s used to dishing it out and not getting a response though. Prepare yourself for a tantrum.

You don't finance or fuck me so mind your own

If you don't get a Benjamin Butterworth gasp off Uncle Dickhead with that gem then I'm disappointed in Uncle D.

I like the language bullshit one - well played

My options would be:

Question everything he says, eg what do you think I do at home etc and make him squirm

OR

Ask him if it is jealousy that he never could earn enough for his wife to stay home

" The first rule of working for MI5 is not talking about MI5 " .

"DH and I had a bet to see how quickly you'd make a shitty comment and I won! Thanks for living down to my expectations!"

Omg uncle dickhead, you really are a very unpleasant man with such a shit sense of humour, you are lucky we all put up with you.

“Are you volunteering to be DD’s full time carer? You do realise that’s what “my job” is?”

Or

“I’ll get a job when you stop being such a patronising dickhead. So probably not any time soon”

“You’re absolutely right. It’s massively unfair that Carer’s allowance isn’t a living wage. You should write to your MP. Totally appreciate the support, you dear, dear man.”

Tell him you don't care for his tone and walk off.

I like "fuck off" personally. Or "worry about yourself not what I'm doing". He sounds like a right twat bag.

@Tryalittlemagic

Why don't you fuck off &.mind your own business?

Perfect response.

Because Mr Boxes is a dirty, filthy bastard who constantly needs filthy, dirty, anal sex, and tbh Uncle Dickhead, some days I can barely walk afterwards never mind get to work'

😂😂😂