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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU

221 replies

CardiOfDoom · 29/07/2021 20:52

So DH is working away this week, I'm home alone, unwell with an endometriosis flare up and have no access to a car. I got what shopping I needed before DH left and wasn't expecting any visitors so just got what I knew I would use and something for tea for when DH gets home.

Then DSS (25 years old, has never lived with us but has a key and visits a couple of times a week although usually only when DH is here) pops in to pick something up he's left here, I was upstairs and called down when I heard him come in that I'd be down in a minute. By the time I got down to the kitchen he was getting the stuff out to make a sandwich, something I've never known him do before as usually we would make him something if he was hungry.

I'm down to the last 3 slices of bread and the last couple of slices of ham which was supposed to be my food for tomorrow daytime so I explained that and asked if he'd have time to pop to a shop (he'd come in the car so not a massive ask) and get me some more bread so I'd have enough to last me. He got really huffy about it and started shoving all the stuff back, then made a sarky comment about how he might as well go seeing as I can't even spare him a sandwich and stomped out slamming the door behind him.

I feel a bit shaken up tbh, I think I was pleasant when I explained and he knows I'm not well and can't easily get to the shops, in fact it would have been nice if he'd asked if I needed anything as he was popping round anyway. He's not hard up for food, works full time and lives with his DM so could easily have gone home (10 minutes away) for a sandwich. I'm alternating between being annoyed and a bit disappointed by his reaction and feeling like a right stingy cow for not letting him have a sandwich, any other time he would have been welcome but I don't feel up to walking to the shop and there's not really anything else in I could have managed with. So, was I unreasonable? Not even sure whether to tell DH in case he thinks I was so opinions would be great.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 29/07/2021 20:54

YANBU, he was really rude and childish. You cater for him usually and at 25 years old he should be able to understand why at this particular time you asked him for a favour.

MissingEveryoneSoMuch · 29/07/2021 20:55

I don’t think I’d have said anything to him, I’d have just accepted that I’d have had to have found something alternative the following day. But then I tend to have back ups/alternatives in the freezer.
If there’s nothing else to eat, then Once he’d finished I’d have asked for a lift to the shop to grab a couple of things and not made it obvious that it was to replace the missing bread etc.

girlmom21 · 29/07/2021 20:59

You've probably made him feel a bit unwelcome.
I'm sure you could've found something else to eat.

suspiria777 · 29/07/2021 21:04

Yeah, I think I would have felt unwelcome in that scenario if I were your DSS. I understand why you did it, and you weren't unreasonable to ask, but you could have waited until after he'd eaten. His reaction may have been exacerbated by hanger.

(Did you really, really not have anything else to eat except that bread and ham?)

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 21:07

He's 25, not 10, FFS. He should have asked before he helped himself to your food. What a self-absorbed little twat.

SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 21:13

What? He’s a grown adult who doesn’t live there… he should have asked, especially when he saw the bread was nearly out Confused
Unwelcome? He’s a CF!

YADNBU

IonaLeg · 29/07/2021 21:15

I think he probably did feel a bit unwelcome. I think most people would feel they could make a sandwich in their parent’s house, unless explicitly told otherwise. I understand why you felt you had to say something though, since you would have been stuck otherwise.

If I were you, I would start keeping a couple of freezer meals in stock. Something really simple like tortellini that cooks in minutes. Endometriosis is a fucker, and that ensures you always have a backup.

EKGEMS · 29/07/2021 21:19

Nope-if I decided to help myself to food and saw how little bread or ham you had I'd stop, but then again I never do that. Does he pay for groceries at mommy's house or does he think food and money for it grows on trees?

Original poster
CardiOfDoom · 29/07/2021 21:23

Nothing I would/could eat suspiria777 no, the endo aggravates my IBS and I have to stick to 'beige and stodgy' during my period so bread is fairly vital! Hand on heart I can't say he was particularly welcome at that moment, I was upstairs in a mess (endo flooding) when he arrived without texting to say he was coming and then I come down to him helping himself to the last of my food. Despite that I'm sure I wasn't snappy, just politely asked if he could pop for more bread as I had no more.

OP posts:
Frazzledd · 29/07/2021 21:25

@Aquamarine1029

He's 25, not 10, FFS. He should have asked before he helped himself to your food. What a self-absorbed little twat.
This!! Your unwell at home, he's 25! If he knew this he could have phoned to see if you needed anything bringing seeing as though he was popping round, not taken the last bits of bread and helped himself, without even a 'do you mind...' shout!?

Then to throw a hissy fit and storm out because you asked him to grab you a loaf!?

YANBU!! CF!

Brefugee · 29/07/2021 21:28

If I were you, I would start keeping a couple of freezer meals in stock

bollocks to that. OP isn't well and he acted like an utter dick. I'd tell him he's not welcome in my home unless his father is there.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/07/2021 21:30

I don’t think I’d ever begrudge my children making a sandwich regardless of their age. He will have felt really unwelcome, I’d not be in a rush to visit again after that.

Wanttocry · 29/07/2021 21:31

YANBU. I wouldn’t walk into my parents’ house and just start making food, and certainly wouldn’t get huffy if they pointed out I’d nearly finished certain items and would I please be able to replace them. Especially if they were ill!

CanofCant · 29/07/2021 21:33

Did he know his dad was away? You say he doesn't usually help himself to food when his dad is there.

I hope you are feeling less shaken by it, it's really shit that he behaved that way while you are already suffering.

I think he was really out of order and my own mum would be pissed off if I behaved in such an inconsiderate manner while she was unwell.

SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 21:34

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss would your kids be so disrespectful as to be stroppy when kindly asked if they could pop to the shop because you are poorly and they’re about to eat the last of your food?

Itiswhatitis21 · 29/07/2021 21:35

Yeah that was pretty selfish on his part. You had every right to say something.

My 15 year old does this. Will have the last 2 slices of bread and go back on his game without offering to go shop.

Scarydinosaurs · 29/07/2021 21:36

He was rude- and it isn’t your normal routine to just help yourself to food so definitely not you being odd here. He should have checked. Did he go and get you the bread?

SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 21:37

He’s 25!!! I can’t imagine ever treating my parents that way. She’s poorly, in pain and just politely asked if he could go to the shop for her.
He’s a fully grown man who’s closer to 30 than being a stroppy teenager!

But of course, because he’s your SS he must be an angel, you must make him welcome at all times, and you’re clearly in the wrong Hmm

clickychicky · 29/07/2021 21:38

At 25 he should be asking what it's ok to eat in someone else's home. And ask before he lets himself in. You could have been wandering round naked.

clickychicky · 29/07/2021 21:38

And at 25 he can have a bit of compassion and should have offered to go to the shops for you!

parietal · 29/07/2021 21:38

yes, he is pretty selfish

but do keep a loaf of sliced bread in the freezer so you can have emergency toast whenever you need it.

clickychicky · 29/07/2021 21:39

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I don’t think I’d ever begrudge my children making a sandwich regardless of their age. He will have felt really unwelcome, I’d not be in a rush to visit again after that.
Good. He should have asked before walking into the house and eating the food. He is unwelcome with that attitude.
SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 21:43

If his response was “Oh sorry, I didn’t realise I’m just starving. I’ll pop to the shop, anything else you need?” then that’s absolutely fine.

Lollypop701 · 29/07/2021 21:53

Are you watching your outgoings? If you are then all fine and sil needs to respect this. If financially ok, If you are ill, ham/cheese/milk/bread freeze. Yanbu but a ‘child’ of the house turns up hungry and just eats. It’s lovely that he felt at home to do to This. He got pulled on that, reasonably so, was embarrassed so ditched and ran. I know he is 25, and it’s ridiculous tbh, but then to me it’s mad you don’t have staples in cupboard if you are poorly and dh away.

MouseInCatsClaws · 29/07/2021 21:55

He should have apologised and brought you to the shop, yanbu

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