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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU thinking this isn't fair?

296 replies

HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:34

1 DC and 2 DSC.

My PIL live around 4/5 hours away in a nice holiday type area of the UK and all the DC love going there.

My husband has suggested that he take his older DC, my DSC, up there on their own for a long weekend during the school holidays because he "never does anything alone with DSC" (not true).

AIBU to think this is really unfair? I absolutely don't have a problem with him doing things alone with his elder DC but I think going to grandparents is different as they are also our DCs grandparents and they all enjoy going there and as it's not just up the road it's not something we get to do often.

AIBU to think he should do something else alone with DSC and save trips to grandparents for all DC?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 19:36

I think he should take all of the children to the grandparents.

Vallmo47 · 29/07/2021 19:38

I would tell him exactly what you’ve said here OP and suggest he takes both kids and you get a break. ;)

Cocomade · 29/07/2021 19:38

They should all go to see GPS

BornIn78 · 29/07/2021 19:41

So do you and your children never ever visit the grandparents unless the step children are with you too?

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:44

@BornIn78

So do you and your children never ever visit the grandparents unless the step children are with you too?
No. We have never been down to my husband's parents without my step children. They (PILs) live a distance away so we don't get to do it often so take all of them with us when we do.
OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/07/2021 19:46

Maybe he just wants to spend some time with his older DC?

Have you actually asked him about it?

ivfgottwins · 29/07/2021 19:46

What's the age gap between your child and step kids?

If it's a large one to be honest I would say YABU -

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:48

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Maybe he just wants to spend some time with his older DC?

Have you actually asked him about it?

He can do that. I just don't think going to see his parents, which our child would absolutely love to do as well and likely then won't get to do again for a while because they are so far away, is the thing to do.
OP posts:
Looubylou · 29/07/2021 19:48

I voted YANBU but I've changed my mind. I think it's fine for him to take just your DSC, as long as he commits to taking your DC at an agreed future date, for a just them and Dad trip. Then they've all seen DGP and all had dad time.

gardeninggirl68 · 29/07/2021 19:49

different age groups will get different things from it

its about the kids isn't it? maybe it would be good for them to have time without their younger half sibling being involved? younger kids tend to dominate a bit, would be nice for them to have undivided attention.

Looneytune253 · 29/07/2021 19:50

I would say take your children too but only if you would also always make it the same the other way round if you were going on holiday or to a theme park etc. Make sure they're all treated the same. If your own children are likely to have other opportunities I would let this one go

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:54

@gardeninggirl68

different age groups will get different things from it

its about the kids isn't it? maybe it would be good for them to have time without their younger half sibling being involved? younger kids tend to dominate a bit, would be nice for them to have undivided attention.

I wouldn't even mind if we all went and then he took the eldest ones out for one of the days with his parents and I took younger one somewhere else or something. But it just seems unfair to basically leave one child behind from a trip to their own grandparents that they enjoy seeing (and haven't seen for a while either). How do I explain that? Oh Daddy and your siblings are going to granny and grandads but you can't go.

There would never be any question of the two DSC going one without the other. Like he'd never take his eldest and leave my youngest DSC behind.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2021 19:54

If he does this will he also be taking your DC on their own without your DSC?

If not then no, it’s bullshit and completely unfair.

If so then it still warrants discussion but it’s better.

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:55

@AnneLovesGilbert

If he does this will he also be taking your DC on their own without your DSC?

If not then no, it’s bullshit and completely unfair.

If so then it still warrants discussion but it’s better.

No I highly doubt he'd ever do that.
OP posts:
SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 19:56

I would say take your children too but only if you would also always make it the same the other way round if you were going on holiday or to a theme park etc

These are not the same things at all! Visiting a much loved mutual relative and excluding one child is not the same as OP taking her child out for the day / to a theme park when her SC is presumably with their mum.

I agree, Dad should take SC for on a trip for some lovely one on one time, but not to the grandparents. That seems mean to his other child who I’m assuming misses their grandparents too

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2021 19:56

Then it’s not okay.

He chose to have another child. That means not acting as if he’s only got the other ones.

What do his parents think?

girlmom21 · 29/07/2021 19:57

How old are all the children?

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:58

I think my PILs would like to see youngest too. They wouldn't say that to DH if he asked to go down with the eldest ones though I don't think. They've never treated them differently and love seeing them all.

OP posts:
Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 19:58

4, 8 and 11.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/07/2021 20:00

How old are all the children op and do the step kids live with you full time?

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 29/07/2021 20:00

There are many threads about taking DC away and not DSC and SMs are bashed and told the DSC shouldn't be left out so surely it works both ways and he should take all the children

Original poster
HedgehogHarry · 29/07/2021 20:00

@Bluntness100

How old are all the children op and do the step kids live with you full time?
No, they live with us 50:50.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/07/2021 20:00

@HedgehogHarry

4, 8 and 11.
That will be why them, taking a four year old will mean the four year old gets all the attention

I see why he wants to go with his older kids

SpongebobNoPants · 29/07/2021 20:00

Oh that’s so harsh.
If SCs had been late teens then I could see the appeal of leaving a much younger child behind… but with those ages it seems exceptionally cruel

Bluntness100 · 29/07/2021 20:01

So basically your son gets daddy one hundred percent and they get him fifty percent,

A four year old needs a whole different level of care to an eight and eleven year old. It’s a very different trip,

So I think you’re being unreasonable.