AIBU thinking this isn't fair?

[HedgehogHarry]

1 DC and 2 DSC.

My PIL live around 4/5 hours away in a nice holiday type area of the UK and all the DC love going there.

My husband has suggested that he take his older DC, my DSC, up there on their own for a long weekend during the school holidays because he "never does anything alone with DSC" (not true).

AIBU to think this is really unfair? I absolutely don't have a problem with him doing things alone with his elder DC but I think going to grandparents is different as they are also our DCs grandparents and they all enjoy going there and as it's not just up the road it's not something we get to do often.

AIBU to think he should do something else alone with DSC and save trips to grandparents for all DC?

I was expecting teenagers and a toddler. YANBU!

If he wants it that way then fine but he can't then complain if you leave the DSC out of fun things.

@Bluntness100 really??? That’s never happened in my family and there’s a 4.5 year gap between my children
I think leaving a 4 year old behind whilst taking their still young siblings away to visit the grandparents is so awful

@SpongebobNoPants

Oh that’s so harsh. If SCs had been late teens then I could see the appeal of leaving a much younger child behind… but with those ages it seems exceptionally cruel

Seriously?

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@Bluntness100 really??? That’s never happened in my family and there’s a 4.5 year gap between my children
I think leaving a 4 year old behind whilst taking their still young siblings away to visit the grandparents is so awful [/quote]
I know, your words are so so dramatic.

Personally I think it’s a great idea. The op can do some cool stuff with the little one,

@Bluntness100

So basically your son gets daddy one hundred percent and they get him fifty percent,

A four year old needs a whole different level of care to an eight and eleven year old. It’s a very different trip,

So I think you’re being unreasonable.

It's not OP's DC's fault the DSC don't see their dad as much so it's silly they lose out.

@Bluntness100 yes!
It would be different if the 4 yr old was seeing then more but (s)he isn’t!

I think this is really horrible. I couldn’t exclude one of my children like this Shame on dad

I think it depends a bit on how old the children are. Think it’s nice for your step children to have some alone time with their Dad, and if they are a bit older they may get to do different things with their grandparents than if your dc was there too. My eldest has been down to their grandparents by them selves without the youngest. No big deal really.

It's not OP's DC's fault the DSC don't see their dad as much so it's silly they lose out.

Who said it was the kids fault. It’s a simple fact of life rhe older kids loose out and in additiona four year old takes a lot more effort and changes a trip.

I see nothing wrong with this, in fact I think it’s some great bonding time, the op can do something cool with her kid.

Sure, dad can take them on a trip… but this is their mutual grandparents. Sorry, it’s awful.
Poor kid

Some people have to opposite problem and grandparents insist on seeing them all together or not at all. Not sure why they are not insisting the little one comes along if they are free.

Did you post about this some time ago? Not that there's anything wrong with posting again.

Your husband is being unfair here. Why should your dc miss out? It's not your dc fault that your dh sees his older children 50 50. Your dc should not paying the price for dh guilt.

@Bimblybomeyelash

I think it depends a bit on how old the children are. Think it’s nice for your step children to have some alone time with their Dad, and if they are a bit older they may get to do different things with their grandparents than if your dc was there too. My eldest has been down to their grandparents by them selves without the youngest. No big deal really.

Exactly, some of the hysteria, “exceptionally cruel”.

If the poster thinks that’s cruelty then they’ve led a blessed life.

I see nothing wrong with this, in fact I think it’s some great bonding time bonding time is like a trip to the cinema or a trip to the beach for a day. Not to go and see grandparents who they hardly ever see.

@SpongebobNoPants

Sure, dad can take them on a trip… but this is their mutual grandparents. Sorry, it’s awful. Poor kid

Exactly. It's basically saying not you, just the children from the first marriage please.

I think YABU and will set a silly precedent where you must never visit the grandparents yourselves if the step-children are not available to join you.

@clickychicky I’m sure if it was reversed and dad said he only wanted to take the DC and not the SC the same posters who think it’s fine would be screaming injustice!
It’s mean, they’re all the kids grandparents.
Why doesn’t he take the SCs on a other trip instead and take all of his children to visit his parents. He’s a father of 3, not 2

Op is there more behind this? Do you feel like it’s you being excluded?

What was his youngest only three when you were pregnant?four when you had hour current child. That must have been really tough for them. Some time alone will be good for them.

Alone time is absolutely lovely and necessary… but not to the mutual grandparents. It’s so exclusionary

@Bluntness100

So basically your son gets daddy one hundred percent and they get him fifty percent,

A four year old needs a whole different level of care to an eight and eleven year old. It’s a very different trip,

So I think you’re being unreasonable.

My DC has never seen his grandparents without the other DSC though.

I have no problem with DH doing things with the elder DC but this seems different. It's our DCs grandparents too and not like they see them more than DSC.

But seems people don't mind kids being left behind so they won't mind if it's DSC next time even if they are upset at not going. I imagine not though.

If this was about leaving the DSC behind the the OP would be getting torn apart right now. All the children should be treated the same, so he's being very unreasonable to leave the youngest behind. That's a pretty mean thing to do, I'd be fuming at him for even suggesting it!

@Saoirse82 absolutely!
But don’t you know only the feelings of the first children matter?

@Saoirse82

If this was about leaving the DSC behind the the OP would be getting torn apart right now. All the children should be treated the same, so he's being very unreasonable to leave the youngest behind. That's a pretty mean thing to do, I'd be fuming at him for even suggesting it!

Yes imagine if I said my PILs live miles away we rarely see them and my DSC would love to go and could go, but I don't want to take them because older children change the dynamic and my DC deserves some bonding time with their grandparents away from their siblings...

I think this is OK and an opportunity for you to do some 4-year-old-centric days out without the older ones. What I would be wary of the little one being thought of as ‘your child’ and the older ones as ‘his’. He does need to spend some one-on-one time with the little one as well.

I think this is OK and an opportunity for you to do some 4-year-old-centric days out without the older ones
I’m assuming OP can do that anyway, unless they have full custody of the SCs?