AIBU thinking this isn't fair?

[HedgehogHarry]

1 DC and 2 DSC.

My PIL live around 4/5 hours away in a nice holiday type area of the UK and all the DC love going there.

My husband has suggested that he take his older DC, my DSC, up there on their own for a long weekend during the school holidays because he "never does anything alone with DSC" (not true).

AIBU to think this is really unfair? I absolutely don't have a problem with him doing things alone with his elder DC but I think going to grandparents is different as they are also our DCs grandparents and they all enjoy going there and as it's not just up the road it's not something we get to do often.

AIBU to think he should do something else alone with DSC and save trips to grandparents for all DC?

@SpongebobNoPants exactly. It's as if DC4 doesn't matter as much. If DSC were the ones being left behind there would be outrage!

@HeddaGarbled

I think this is OK and an opportunity for you to do some 4-year-old-centric days out without the older ones. What I would be wary of the little one being thought of as ‘your child’ and the older ones as ‘his’. He does need to spend some one-on-one time with the little one as well.

OP can do that anyway whenever she likes. But seeing shared grandparents when all 3 children are available and only taking 2 of them is a sure way to make DC feel unwanted.

I'm pretty sure if the dh wanted to take only the ds, and not the step children who would love to go too, that he'd be getting a right bollocking on here.

Is it only "all or nothing" when it is the other way around? 🤔

He'll be able to do stuff with an 8 and 11 yr old that 's quite different from having a 4 yr old around. And more to the point, so will his parents. I think it's perfectly reasonable.

Your 4 yr old will be thrilled to get  1 to 1 time alone with mummy, doing stuff   DH and the bigger kids don't enjoy.  You get bonding time with your baby.

@2bazookas

He'll be able to do stuff with an 8 and 11 yr old that 's quite different from having a 4 yr old around. And more to the point, so will his parents. I think it's perfectly reasonable.

Your 4 yr old will be thrilled to get  1 to 1 time alone with mummy, doing stuff   DH and the bigger kids don't enjoy.  You get bonding time with your baby.</div></div>

Families up and down the country manage to go on family holidays with the whole family with that age range and have a lovely time.

So fucking ridiculous that if this was reversed and it was the DSC not going some posters would be calling the OP and her husband every name under the sun. These same posters seem almost gleeful about the OP's son being excluded in this situation.

Of course it isn't fair.

My kids are 4.5 years apart in age and I’ve never struggled to entertain them both at the same time.
It’s isn’t entertaining them anyway, it’s a trip to visit grandparents, not a trip to a theme park!

YANBU, not fair to your dc.

@acolderwar this hasn’t gone unnoticed. The double standards are shocking

He’s just taking the 1 DSC though isn’t he? Not the 2?

I would suggest that you all go but that he has some special days out with the SDC and grandparents while you take 4yr old to the beach/ Park etc some days. Is this coming from him or the SDC or his parents do you think?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I also think that those who say it's okay would be saying the opposite if it was your dsc being left behind.

How do I explain that? Oh Daddy and your siblings are going to granny and grandads but you can't go.

You don't. If your dh does decide to go ahead with his plan then he's the one who sits down with your 4yr old and tells him that he's going to see the grandparents with his siblings and without him.

I’ve seen endless threads where this was reversed and the OP is ALWAYS torn apart with variations of ‘all the children must be included’ it’s blunt and brutal.

…. Interesting to see MN at its hypocritical finest

OP what is your relationship like?

Is he only taking older DSC so you have to stay at home?

@Maybeitstime2021

He’s just taking the 1 DSC though isn’t he? Not the 2?

No, both DSC. It's just our joint DC he wants to leave behind.

Ah sorry I was reading older as oldest - think I need to go to bed 😁

YANBU.

Do you see your parents without the dsc?

If you never take the little one anywhere without the DSC he should take them all. If you do, then some alone time with them isn’t anything different than you doing something without them.

I think as a one off I'd let him take them. Activities for a 4 year old are different from an 11 year old.

I’m torn - I take my youngest one to family when the big one is at school/at his Dad’s all the time, although admittedly they aren’t hours away. Would I take my younger one away for a few days while my oldest was at his dads - yes I probably would.

It's a trip to see Grandparents, not Disneyland. Let him take the eldest and arrange another weekend in a coup!e of weeks for you all to go. He can do the driving.

YANBU Not good to exclude youngest child from this trip. Better to do other sole activity with oldest DCs.